some questions don’t require a response.
I took a sip of my coffee and kept my eyes on the door to the street, as I had done since arriving.
“I need you to promise me something,” I said.
“What?”
“If he’s alive, if we find him, I need to know you won’t hurt him.”
He gave me a flat look. “Is that what you think? That I want revenge on Max Smiley?”
“Isn’t it?”
He didn’t say anything for a second, just lifted his eyes to the ceiling. Then: “Why are you so interested in protecting him?”
“He’s my father,” I said.
“He’s your biological father,” he said, shifting forward in his seat.
“Yes. That counts for something. There are things I need from him even now, just like there are things you need from your biological parents. You get that, right?”
He nodded slowly. “I get that.” Then: “The thing I’m most interested in is protecting you, Ridley. I don’t want to see you get hurt. That’s my only agenda.”
“What do you need to protect me from?” I asked.
“Mostly from yourself. I’m trying to keep you from getting in over your head.”
“Are you being purposely vague? What aren’t you telling me?”
We had a staring contest then, which he lost. He cast his eyes to the table and didn’t look up again. Jake seemed like a black box to me sometimes. I had the feeling that I wouldn’t know everything there was to know about him until our lives were in a burning wreckage all around us.
“Call your Web guy,” suggested Jake after a minute of silence. “We might at least have a better idea of what we’re walking into.”
He hadn’t answered my questions. He hadn’t given me the promise I’d asked for. I was starting to regret that I’d told him about the meeting at all.
I took the phone from my pocket and noticed that the charge was dangerously low. I dialed each of the numbers Grant had given me and got voice mail. I was surprised; I imagined him waiting by the phone for my call. A dark sense of worry started to settle on me.
“No answer?” said Jake.
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, then glanced at the clock over the counter. Just two hours to go. Jake seemed edgy suddenly, kept looking over his shoulder toward the door and around the restaurant.
“Let’s get out of here. It’s better to keep moving.”
WE WALKED ALONG Broadway quickly, huddling close together, our arms interlaced. I’m sure that to anyone passing us, we looked like a normal young couple, maybe headed home for the evening. But we were so far from that, each running our own agenda, each with a head full of fears, a heart full of questions, and goals we barely understood ourselves. If I could have seen into the future a few hours, we would have hopped a cab to JFK, been in Tuscany by morning.
12
I awoke in a milky darkness that told me morning wasn’t far off. My head pounded in a way that would seem natural only after a suicidal drinking binge or a minor car accident. The pain was so intense, I barely dared to move. Then I was aware of a bayonet of agony in my right side. I couldn’t orient myself. I held back the urge to vomit. The room around me was one I didn’t recognize. A hotel room-I could tell that much-posh and well- decorated with oatmeal walls and a rich bloodred carpet. The comforter on top of me was a bone-colored suede, the pillowcases fine cotton. Fear sat on my chest and pushed down on my lungs. I saw a dark wood bedside table where a small clock glowed 5:48 A.M. The room smelled of lavender.
I struggled to sit up but my head and my side wouldn’t allow it. My throat was painfully sore and dry. I reached my arm out and pulled the phone to my ear with difficulty and pushed zero.
“Good morning, Ms. Jones. How can I help you?” A brisk male voice, British.
“Where am I?” I croaked. Was I dreaming?
He gave a light chuckle. “Quite a night, eh? You’re at the Covent Garden Hotel. In London, ma’am.”
Images danced in my mind then. High stone walls and strange men moving in from a glade of trees. I heard gunfire and the sound of my own screaming. I saw Jake falling. I saw blood, lots of blood. The man I’d seen on the street when Sarah Duvall was murdered moved closer, but I couldn’t see his face. Over and over he asked me, “Where’s the ghost? Where’s the ghost?” I didn’t have time to be horrified, to wonder whether these images were memories or dreams. I blacked out again.
FORT TRYON PARK was nearly silent except for the rush of traffic on the Henry Hudson whispering off in the distance. Jake and I had been here together before, the night Christian Luna died beside me. We’d sat in Jake’s car in the parking lot so that he could comfort me while I wept hysterically in the passenger seat. That was a bad night; I hoped that tonight would be better. We cut across the lawn and made our way up toward the Cloisters. The air was moist and cool, but I felt a light sheen of perspiration on my brow as we moved through the trees.
I kept dialing for Grant as we walked, keeping my eye on the charge. There was no answer and my low-grade dread started to escalate as we moved from the relative safety of the tree cover onto the concrete of the drive. The stone shadow of the Cloisters loomed dark and Gothic ahead, rising against the starry night. I grabbed Jake’s arm.
“Maybe this is a bad idea,” I said as we approached the building.
He looked at me. “Um, yeah,” he said in a harsh whisper. “I’m only here because I figured you’d come without me. We can leave right now.”
I was about to take him up on it when we saw the headlights of a car pulling slowly up the drive from Broadway. As we watched, the headlights went dark but the car kept moving toward us.
IT WAS DARK when I woke up again. The clock read 9:08. The pounding in my head had subsided some but not entirely. The sheets beneath me were damp. I reached to touch them, and when I drew my hand back, I could see that they were dark with my blood. I struggled up and turned on the light, fighting waves of nauseating pain. The blood had soaked through my shirt. I lifted the material and saw a bandage at my waist that was black with it.
I don’t remember having any actual thoughts, just this weird calm-almost a blankness. I fought light- headedness to get to my feet. In the mirror over an ornate antique desk, I saw a girl I barely knew. She was pale, with dark smudges under her eyes, and looked shaky and unsure of her legs. Her blond spiky hair was matted and dirty. She had a nasty cut under her eye, bruising on her neck. I leaned over and puked bile into the wastepaper basket.
I managed to support myself with various pieces of furniture-an overstuffed chair, a dresser, a bookshelf-and made my way to the bathroom. I watched myself in the mirror and gingerly removed the bandage. A gaping red hole oozed blood. I had a slow leak. The sight of it made me swoon, but I fought not to pass out on the cold marble beneath my feet. I had to imagine that whoever had bandaged me had also removed the bullet that caused the wound. I pressed gently around the edges and didn’t feel anything hard or foreign beneath my skin. But the pain caused me to puke more yellow bile into the sink.
I ran warm water over a washcloth, then sat down on the toilet. I put the washcloth to my side-I didn’t really know what else to do. The idea of calling the police or an ambulance never even occurred to me. I must have been in shock. Anyway, the pain was too much. Everything went black again.
THE CAR CAME to a stop and I stood rooted, feeling Jake behind me. I guess if I’d obeyed my instincts, we could have run at that point, but something kept me still, watching. My heart and stomach were in a weird chaos
