Sharpe's Battle

Company here, but we can't tell them to bugger off because it wouldn't be diplomatic, so your job is to make them go away voluntarily. Oh! Sorry now,' he apologized because the button had come away in his fingers. 'The buggers are up to no good, Richard, and we have to find a diplomatic way of getting rid of them, so whatever you can do to upset them, do it, and rely on Runciman the Rotund to smooth things over so they don't think we're being deliberately rude.' Hogan smiled. 'They'll just blame you for not being a gentleman.'

'But I'm not, am I?'

'As it happens, you are, it's one of your faults, but let's not worry about that now. Just get rid of Kiely for me, Richard, with all his merry men. Make them cringe! Make them suffer! But above all, Richard, please, please make the bastards go away.'

The Real Companпa Irlandesa might be called a company, but in fact it was a small battalion, one of the five that made up the household guard of Spain's royalty. Three hundred and four guardsmen had been on the company's books when it had last served in the Escorial Palace outside Madrid, but the imprisonment of Spain's king and benign neglect by the occupying French had reduced its ranks, and the journey by sea around Spain to join the British army had thinned the files even more, so that by the time the Real Companпa Irlandesa paraded on the outskirts of Vilar Formoso there were a mere one hundred and sixty-three men left. The one hundred and sixty-three men were accompanied by thirteen officers, a chaplain, eighty-nine wives, seventy-four children, sixteen servants, twenty-two horses, a dozen mules, 'and one mistress,' Hogan told Sharpe.

'One mistress?' Sharpe asked in disbelief.

'There's probably a score of mistresses,' Hogan said, 'two score! A walking brothel, in all likelihood, but his Lordship tells me we have to arrange accommodation suitable for himself and a lady friend. Not that she's here yet, you understand, but his Lordship tells me she's coming. The Dona Juanita de Elia is supposed to charm her way across the enemy lines in order to warm his Lordship's bed and if she's the same Juanita de Elia that I've heard about then she's well practised in bed warming. You know what they say of her? That she collects a uniform from the regiment of every man she sleeps with!' Hogan chuckled.

'If she crosses the lines here,' Sharpe said, 'she'll be damned lucky to escape the Loup Brigade.'

'How the hell do you know about Loup?' Hogan asked instantly. For most of the time the Irishman was a genial and witty soul, but Sharpe knew the bonhomie disguised a very keen mind and the tone of the question was a sudden baring of that steel.

Yet Hogan was also a friend and for a split second Sharpe was tempted to confess how he had met the Brigadier and illegally executed two of his grey-uniformed soldiers, but then decided that was a deed best forgotten. 'Everyone knows about Loup here,' he answered instead. 'You can't spend a day on this frontier without hearing about Loup.'

'That's true enough,' Hogan admitted, his suspicions allayed. 'But don't be tempted to inquire further, Richard. He's a bad boy. Let me worry about Loup while you worry about that shambles.' Hogan and Sharpe, followed by the riflemen, had turned a corner to see the Real Companпa Irlandesa slouching in parade order on a patch of waste land opposite a half-finished church. 'Our new allies,' Hogan said sourly, 'believe it or not, in fatigue dress.'

Fatigue dress was meant to be a soldier's duty uniform for everyday wear, but the fatigue uniform of the Real Companпa Irlandesa was much gaudier and smarter than the full dress finery of most British line battalions. The guardsmen wore short red jackets with black-edged, gilt-fringed swallowtails behind. The same gold-trimmed black cord edged their buttonholes and collars, while the facings, cuffs and turnbacks of their coats were of emerald green. Their breeches and waistcoats had once been white, their calf- length boots, belts and crossbelts were of black leather, while their sashes were green, the same green as the high plume that each man wore on the side of his black bicorne hat. The gilded hat badges showed a tower and a rearing lion, the same symbols that were displayed on the gorgeous green and gold shoulder sashes worn by the sergeants and drummer boys. As Sharpe walked closer he saw that the splendid uniforms were frayed, patched and discoloured, yet they still made a brave display in the bright spring sunshine. The men themselves looked anything but brave, instead appearing dispirited, weary and aggravated.

'Where are their officers?' Sharpe asked Hogan.

'Gone to a tavern for luncheon.'

'They don't eat with their men?'

'Evidently not.' Hogan's disapproval was acid, but not as bitter as Sharpe's. 'Now don't be getting sympathetic, Richard,' Hogan warned. 'You're not supposed to like these boys, remember?'

'Do they speak English?' Sharpe asked.

'As well as you or I. About half of them are Irish born, the other half are descended from Irish emigrants, and a good few, I have to say, once wore red coats,' Hogan said, meaning that they were deserters from the British army.

Sharpe turned and beckoned Harper towards him. 'Let's have a look at this palace guard, Sergeant,' he said. 'Put 'em in open order.'

'What do I call them?' Harper asked.

'Battalion?' Sharpe guessed.

Harper took a deep breath. 'Talion! 'Shun!' His voice was loud enough to make the closest men wince and the further ones jump in surprise, but only a few men snapped to attention. 'For inspection! Open order march!' Harper bellowed, and again very few guardsmen moved. Some just gaped at Harper while the majority looked towards their own sergeants for guidance. One of those gorgeously sashed sergeants came towards Sharpe, evidently to inquire what authority the riflemen possessed, but Harper did not wait for explanations. 'Move, you bastards!' he bellowed in his Donegal accent. 'You're in a war now, not guarding the royal pisspot. Behave like the good whores we all are and open up, now!'

'And I can remember when you didn't want to be a sergeant,' Sharpe said to Harper under his breath as the startled guards at last obeyed the greenjacket Sergeant's command. 'Are you coming, Major?' Sharpe asked Hogan.

'I'll wait here, Richard.'

'Come on then, Pat,' Sharpe said, and the two men began inspecting the company's front rank. An inevitable band of small mocking boys from the town fell into step behind the two greenjackets and pretended to be officers, but a thump on the ear from the Irishman's fist sent the boldest boy snivelling away and the others dispersed rather than face more punishment.

Sharpe inspected the muskets rather than the men, though he made sure that he looked into each soldier's eyes in an attempt to gauge what kind of confidence and willingness these men had. The soldiers returned his inspection resentfully, and no wonder, Sharpe thought, for many of these guards were Irishmen who must have been feeling all kinds of confusion at being attached to the British army. They had volunteered for the Real Companпa Irlandesa to protect a Most Catholic King, yet here they were being harried by the army of a Protestant monarch. Worse still, many of them would be avid Irish patriots, fierce for their country as only exiles can be, yet now they were being asked to fight alongside the ranks of that country's foreign oppressors. Yet, as Sharpe walked down the rank, he sensed more nervousness than anger and he wondered if these men were simply fearful of being asked to become proper soldiers for, if their muskets were any indication, the Real Companпa Irlandesa had long abandoned any pretensions to soldiering. Their muskets were a disgrace. The men carried the serviceable and sturdy Spanish-issue musket with its straight-backed hammer; however these guns were anything but serviceable, for there was rust on the locks and fouling caked inside the barrels. Some of them had no flints, others had no leather flint-seatings, while one gun did not even have the doghead screw to hold the flint in place. 'Did you ever fire this musket, son?' Sharpe asked the soldier.

'No, sir.'

'Have you ever fired a musket, son?'

The boy looked nervously towards his own sergeant. 'Answer the officer, lad!' Harper growled.

'Once, sir. One day,' the soldier said. 'Just the once.'

'If you wanted to kill someone with this gun, son, you'd have to beat them over the head with it. Mind you' — Sharpe pushed the musket back into the soldier's hands — 'you look big enough for that.'