Several hours later he had a dream in which he was chasing Tony through an endless series of interconnecting rooms, some from his old school, some from properties he’d sold over the past few years, and he was shouting but Tony couldn’t hear him and Jamie couldn’t run because of the tiny creatures on the floors, like baby birds with human faces, which mewed and squealed when he trod on them.
When he finally woke at seven he found himself going straight to the phone to ring Tony. He caught himself just in time.
He was going to sort this out. He’d go round to Tony’s flat after work. Say his piece. Give him shit for not answering the phone. Find out if he’d moved. Whatever. Just put an end to all this waiting.
84
David was having a new boiler installed, so Jean was sitting with him in the garden of the Fox and Hounds. The idea made her nervous at first, but David was right. The place was empty and they were yards from the car if they needed to slip away.
She was drinking a gin and tonic, which she didn’t normally do on her way home from the school. If George asked questions she could always blame Ursula. She needed some Dutch courage. Her life was an unholy mess at the moment and she had to make it simpler.
She said, “I’m not sure how long we can carry on doing this.”
“You mean you want to stop?” asked David.
“Maybe. Yes.” It sounded so harsh now she was saying it out loud. “Oh, I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“What’s changed?”
“George,” she said. “George being ill.” Wasn’t it obvious?
“And that’s all?” asked David.
He seemed untroubled, and she was beginning to find his confidence annoying. How could he sail through all this? “It’s not a small thing, David.”
He took her hand.
She said, “It feels different now. It feels wrong.”
He said, “You haven’t changed. I haven’t changed.”
It exasperated her sometimes. The way men could be so sure of themselves. They put words together like sheds or shelves and you could stand on them they were so solid. And those feelings which overwhelmed you in the small hours turned to smoke.
He said, “I’m not trying to bully you.”
“I know.” But she wasn’t sure about this.
“If you were ill, if you were seriously ill, I would still love you. If I was seriously ill, I hope you’d still love me.” He looked into her eyes. For the first time he looked sad and this put her at ease. “I love you, Jean. It’s not just words. I mean it. I’ll wait if I have to. I’ll put up with things. Because that’s what love means. And I know George is ill. And I know it makes your life difficult. But it’s something we have to live with and sort out. And I don’t know how we’ll do it, but we will.”
She found herself laughing.
“What’s funny?”
“Me,” she said. “You’re absolutely right. And it’s infuriating. But you’re still right.”
He squeezed her hand.
They sat in silence for a few moments. David fished something from his shandy and a large agricultural vehicle rumbled by on the far side of the hedge.
“I feel dreadful,” she said.
“Why?” he asked.
“The wedding.”
He looked relieved.
“I was so thrown by what was happening to George that I…Katie must be having a dreadful time. Planning to get married. Then canceling the wedding. The two of them living together. I should have been sympathetic. But we just argued.”
“You had enough on your plate.”
“I know, but…”
“At the least the wedding’s off,” said David.
It seemed like a callous thing to say. “But it’s so sad.”
“Not as sad as getting married to someone you don’t love,” said David.
85
They were getting married.
Katie felt excited about it in a way she hadn’t before. She knew she was doing the right thing this time. They were going to be in charge. It really was going to be their wedding. And a part of her was secretly pleased that the news was going to piss people off.
She’d worried about asking Ray. Would he believe her? Would he want to take the risk of her getting cold feet a second time?
Then she thought,
So she girded her loins and asked. On bended knee. So she could make it funny if it all went horribly wrong.
He lit up. “Of course I’ll marry you.”
She was so surprised she found herself trying to make him change his mind. “Are you absolutely sure?”
“Hey.” He took hold of her shoulders.
“What?”
“I said yes. I said I wanted to marry you.”
“I know, but-”
“You know what?” asked Ray.
“What?”
“You’re back again.”
“Meaning?”
“The old you,” he said.
“So you really do want to get married? In a fortnight?”
“Only if you promise not to ask me again.”
“I promise.”
They stared at each other for five seconds or so, letting it sink in. Then they jumped up and down like children.
She expected Mum to be angry. Given the hassle. But she seemed oddly resigned. Apparently, she hadn’t even got around to telling the guests it was off. Maybe she suspected this was going to happen all along.
Katie said they’d arrange everything. All she needed were the phone numbers. There was nothing Mum had to do. “And Ray and I are going to pay. After all we’ve put you through it seems only fair.”
“Well, if you insist,” said Mum. “Though I’m not sure how your father is going to feel about it.”
“Richer,” said Katie, but Mum didn’t laugh. “How is Dad, incidentally?”
“He seems fine.” She didn’t seem very happy about this.
“Good,” said Katie. Perhaps Mum was just having a bad day. “That’s really good news.”
The florists were downright rude. They could still squeeze the job in but it would cost more. Katie said she’d
