The China Bride

interested in the wide world beyond Scotland. Even with a friendly family, in many ways she'd be very isolated.

'I haven't made my mind up,' she said with forced lightness. 'Melrose is lovely but small. It would be difficult to have secret lovers to supply my life with yang.'

'Yin and yang is one area where we had no problems.'

'But it's not enough.' Realizing they should clear the air-or at least draw their lines-at the start of this journey, she continued, 'I don't understand you, Kyle, or your reservations about marriage. Why do you think you're unfit to be a husband?'

'I see that Oriental subtlety has been abandoned in favor of Scottish bluntness,' he said dryly, his gaze returning to the road.

'That's not an answer.'

'If I had a clear answer, I'd give it to you.' A muscle jumped in his jaw. 'I fear that… that there's a part of me missing.'

For the length of a long hill, she pondered what he'd said. Deciding to try a more oblique approach, she asked, 'Why did you want so much to travel? Was it merely to see the world's oddities, or were there deeper reasons?'

'Both.' He reined in the curricle as they came on a flock of sheep ambling over the road. 'I loved seeing different lands and learning about customs and ideas, but even more than knowledge, I sought… understanding.'

Knowledge could be found in any book, but understanding was far more elusive. 'Did you find it?'

'Sometimes, especially at Hoshan, where I felt a deep sense of peace. A shadow of understanding about where I belonged in the universe.' His mouth twisted. 'But whatever I thought I'd found vanished in Feng- tang.'

'What's missing must be part of your soul, for that is a person's foundation, and a hole in the foundation weakens the entire structure,' she said reflectively.

'You're probably right-but how does one repair a hole in one's soul?' Effortlessly he calmed the fidgeting horses, nervous from the river of sheep flowing around them. 'Now that we've discussed my unfitness for marriage, what about you? You have doubts about being in my world. What parts of it can't you live with?'

'I can't imagine myself as a countess, especially not as a grand London hostess,' she said, choosing the most obvious barrier.

'Why not? Because of shyness, lack of social skills, being foreign?'

'All of those things.'

'Yet when you choose to, you can dazzle a ballroom full of aristocrats with your beauty, wit, and charm. You proved it at Dornleigh, and you could do the same in London if you tried.'

'If I impressed your Northamptonshire neighbors, it was because I was too angry to care what they thought.'

'Actually, the secret of many great beauties is exactly that-not giving a damn whether or not they impress people. Because they have confidence and a reckless disregard for appeasing lesser folk, they are mesmerizing even if they aren't beautiful, and often they aren't, at least not objectively.'

'If beauty isn't required, at least I have that part right.'

'On the contrary. You have a beauty that makes men catch their breath, and a modesty that makes other women like you. You dazzled as thoroughly at the ceilidh as you as did at Dornleigh.' He gave her a satiric glance. 'You also gave a very good imitation of enjoying yourself.'

Uneasily she recognized the truth of that; she'd had a fine time on both occasions. 'By your own admission, the most I could ever expect from your father would be bare tolerance. I don't want that, and I don't want you to be caught between your duty to him and your duty to me, because one should honor one's parents first.'

'This isn't China.' He turned to face her, eyes glittering with exasperation. 'Hear me well, Troth Montgomery. As my wife, you would always come first. If you don't wish to live under the same roof as my father, so be it. We can live elsewhere. If you choose to avoid society, so be it, though I think that when you became comfortable in your new world, you would make a very great and admired lady. If you won't live in London during the months I must sit in Parliament, you may stay in Melrose even though I'd miss you as a fire misses fuel. Does that address your objections to marriage?'

She stared at him, shaken by the passion in his eyes. He was becoming the man she had first met in Canton- full of life and conviction. And if he kept saying she was beautiful, someday she might actually believe him. 'I… I don't know what to say.'

'You needn't say anything yet. We've time ahead of us for you to produce more objections, and for me to counter them. But while you're thinking, include this.'

He wrapped his free arm around her and drew her hard against him, his mouth demanding. Her lips opened under his and she clutched his arms as she responded almost against her will. At Dryburgh Abbey, he'd kissed her with tender promise. This time he was branding every fiber of her being with reminders of the intimacy, wonder, danger, and rapture they had shared.

She had come to cherish her independence, yet how could she ever be independent if she surrendered to this? When they had been lovers, she had been his slave, willing to do anything he asked.

Then he had asked very little, except for the opportunity to please her. But if he learned that she might be carrying his child, he would demand her body and allegiance for the rest of her life, and she wasn't ready to yield them. At least, not her allegiance. Her body was willing to yield right now…

He broke away, breathing quickly, but there was no triumph in his eyes-only the same yearning reflected in hers.

Unsteadily she brushed her mouth with the back of her hand. 'I thought you proposed a courtship without a bed.'

'That was no seduction. Merely something to think about.' The flock of sheep had finally passed, so he set the carriage into motion again. 'I thought that if I had to burn, you might as well also.'

She stared at his profile with furious indignation. If he'd wanted to make her burn, he'd succeeded.

Damn him. Damn him!

Chapter 42

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Castle Doom

The Highlands

Kyle shaded his eyes as he studied the boldly silhouetted castle that crowned the crag ahead of them. 'I'd forgotten just how ominous this place is. It chills the bones.'

'You remembered the steepness of the hill correctly, though,' Troth said. 'Can the horses make it up there?'

'I wouldn't ask it of them. You and I shall walk and learn if the chi exercises have been working.' He climbed from the carriage and helped Troth out, then hobbled the two horses where they could drink from a small stream.

'Where did the name come from? It sounds like a Gothic romance.'

'The original name was several syllables longer and Gaelic, but the first syllable was Doom, and it fit so well that it stuck. It's a Clan Campbell fortress that was destroyed by the English after the Forty-Five. No one has lived here since.'

He swung a picnic basket from the curricle. The food had been packed by the landlord's wife at the small inn