The Butcher Boy

And off he goes bump bump bump. Cor strike a light darlin' I says to this woman hanging out her washing.

She screws up her face: Eh? she says.

There you are again, Francie, Lord bless us you're all over the place! the women'd say. Indeed I am I'd say and twirl the meat parcels across the marble top.

There you are says the amazing Father Dom sorry father can't stop to talk it was a different story now I reckoned with all these jobs I was important now and I had no time to waste gossiping. But especially to the likes of Roche who stopped me one day with the black bag and just stands there looking at me, out of nowhere again of course. Look Roche, I wanted to say to him, if you want to spoil things go off and spoil them on somebody else. I'm a busy man and I have things to do. I'm in charge and I have no time for fooling about and talking shite to the likes of you so go on now about your business and leave people to do their work in peace. That was what I wanted to say to black eyebrows Roche.

I was fed up of him and everything to do with him and I'd tell him that too. But I didn't and what the fuck does he do then only come over and I got a big red face on me I don't know why he just stands there. I heard you were working for Leddy.

I am, I says, what's wrong with that?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it I'm only asking he said.

I wanted to say: Well don't ask Roche, Don't ask!

Do you like it down there he says, twirl twirl the timer on his watch.

Yes I says, ten bob a week.

And what do you do with that?

I knew he was trying to trick me into saying I buy bottles of stout for da so I said: I put it in the post office Doctor.

Very wise he says.

Hmm.

What I wanted to talk to you about was your father – he was supposed to come up and see me and he never did.

O I says, was he?

Will you tell him to drop in this evening maybe or tomorrow?

Oh I will I says, I'll tell him that.

You won't forget?

No, I says. I won't and then he says it again you won't forget and I could see him looking me up and down the worst thing about that is you start thinking ah there's nothing no sweat on my forehead and that's what makes the sweat come. There was beads on my forehead. I could feel them and the more I felt them the bigger they got they felt as big as berries and that was what made me blurt out O no doctor I forgot he's gone over to England to visit Uncle Alo.

What? he says and frowns, he's what?

It was too late for me to take it back or turn it into a joke so I had to go on ahead with it I had to make up a whole story.

I see, he says, and he was looking me up and down twice as much now. I had to put my hand in my pocket to stop it shaking for I knew if it started he'd see it he saw fucking everything didn't he?

Then he rubs his chin and says: Right so. Well – when he gets back tell him I want to see him straight away. Its very important.

OK, doctor I said and saluted as much as to say: There's not a bother on me. But I knew by Roche that it didn't look like there wasn't a bother on me. It didn't look like that at all.

I said to myself I won't go back to Leddy's yet I'll take the cart out the road a bit and sit down and have a think about things then I'll be all right and I would have been if I hadn't of seen Joe just as I was going by the cafe. The window was open and the music was blaring out. He was sitting in between the blondie one and some other one laughing away and who was on the other side of her only Philip Nugent. He was explaining something to her, drawing away in the air with his hands. Joe was smoking a fag, nodding when the blondie one said something. She shook the hair back out of her eyes and went ha ha at something he said. Then she rested her chin on her hand and tapped her cigarette. Philip Nugent was drumming in time to the music on the formica table. I just stood there staring in the window and the song kept going round and round in my head: When you move in right up close to me, that's when I get the shakes all over me!

Then I saw Joe's lips move he said I'll put on another song will I and the blondie one nodded. I knew no matter what Joe said she'd have agreed O yes that's right Joe. When he stood up we were looking at one another face to face through the window. If it had been anybody else I would have given them my butcher boy wink and a big grin but it wasn't anybody else it was Joe and for the first time in my life I didn't know what to say to him. He sort of jerked his head the way you would to someone you half-knew or someone you didn't even know at all then he walked up to the jukebox and bent over it drumming on the sides with his fingers. I kept waiting for him to look back down and say come on in or something but he didn't he just kept on drumming and mouthing the words of the songs to himself. The only thing that happened was the blondie one looked up and seen me and what does she do then only cover her face with her hand and say something to the other girl and Philip Nugent. The other girl looked up to get a look at me but I was gone.

At the weekend Leddy said to me I'll say this for you Brady you're a fair man to work whatever else they may say about you here's a ten bob note and whee-hoo, off I went like a bullet to the Tower and bought some bottles of stout and then I went into the shop and got a whole pound of corned beef. All da used to ask me to get was a quarter at a time and would his eyes light up when he saw all this. I was going to give it all to him! Why wouldn't I? I still had plenty of money left. I could buy the whole tin if I wanted to. I could say to the shopgirl: See that tin of corned beef? Give me it all!

And she'd have to give it to me. On the way up the street I seen Joe and the blondie one coming across the Diamond on their way down to the carnival. I went in behind a car in case I'd have to pass them but I needn't have worried for they met the other girl and some of her friends hi! shouts the other one and then they all went off together let them what did I care about them I had my own business to take care of right Francie I said lets mosey and in I went to the shop, I was just wondering what Joe was saying to her, maybe he was talking to her about music he was hardly talking to her about John Wayne. John Wayne – for fuck's sake!

I says to the shopgirl I wanted corned beef. You must be going to make a fair few sandwiches says the shopgirl no I said no! I'm not making any sandwiches. What are you talking about – sandwiches?, I said. The shopgirl was red and she said I was only saying you don't have to shout at me. It made me all nervy and I dropped the corned beef on the way out of the shop. What were they looking at? Mrs Connolly was pretending not to but I could see her turning away at the last minute pretending to squeeze a pan loaf saying is this fresh? What are you looking at Connolly I wanted to say to her if you've got something to say why don't you say it. But just in time I said to myself no don't say that its all right maybe she wasn't looking at you after all. I knew I shouldn't have said anything to the shopgirl either. But I could hardly go back in and say I didn't mean to say any of that about the sandwiches. I am going to make sandwiches. But they mustn't have noticed or forgot all about it for it was OK the next time I seen them they said nothing about it. I cut them all up into triangles and put them on a plate and everything. What do you think of the sandwiches da?, I said. Will I make more? I will I'll make some more. I was humming away happily as I spread the butter on the bread. There was a snowdrop on the ditch. I said to da about the snowdrop and the children playing in the lane; They do make a difference these beautiful things da. It is good having them. I stared at the snowdrop for hours and listened to the radio. Friday Night is Music Night. Here it is again da I said and he smiled. Sometimes I'd go into the shop and get thirty Flash Bars. Thirty for half a crown. It was good value. I stuffed them all into my mouth one after the other. Anytime me and Joe got a half crown. Straight into Mary's – thirty Flash Bars please. Mary could hardly carry them all. I looked at myself in the mirror after it. A chocolate beard. For fuck's sake! Sometimes I went round the lane to see if the children were playing near the puddle. You see that puddle?, I'd say then I'd tell them all about Joe and me.