The Butcher Boy

It had a claw instead of a hand. She was saying ah God love you to her too and tickling the baby inside the blanket saying sure isn't she a lovely little baba altogether I'll be down to the house this evening with them bits of clothes and odds and ends of our Sheila's I promised you. All you could hear was Mrs Cleary saying thanks oh thank you very much I don't know how many times she said thank you and Mrs Connolly ah sure not at all its the least we can do when Mrs Cleary went I heard her saying poor Mrs Cleary God love her I don't think she knows what end of her is up half the time, I seen two of her other wains running about the street last night at eight o'clock and them with hardly a stitch on them!

She's just not able, God love her, the other women said.

They all stood there looking after her as she went down the street then Mrs Connolly said its not right God forgive me I dread to think what my Sean would say if I came home from hospital with a thing the like of that!

And they just stood there, the three heads nodding away.

Hey! Hey! shouts the drunk lad when he seen me. He was counting change at the door of the Diamond Bar. He comes running over: All I need is three halfpence.

Sorry, I says, the Francie Brady Bank is closed. Eh? he says blinking in the light.

Closed for business I says and walked off.

Go on he shouts after me you're only a baaaaaastard!

I walked round the house I don't know how many times I liked the smell of the polish that much. Flowers and everything on the mantelpiece. I could see my face in the sink too. H'ho I thought, It'll be a long time before there'll be pilchards in that sink again! Yes sir! There's gonna be a lot of changes round here!

Then what did I do only get myself all dressed up there was a white jacket in the window of the drapery shop like what you'd see Cliff Richard wearing and a shirt with one of these bootlace ties. I looked at myself in the mirror. The tie was real John Wayne style but I says there's to be no more about John Wayne or any of that, that's all over. Everything's changed now its all new things. Then I brushed the jacket and headed down to the cafe.

I was going to go right in and say hello to Joe and them all sitting there and if they wanted me to sit beside them then all the better I would and I'd tell them and Joe everything that had happened in the garage and everything if they wanted me to that is. I'd say: Hello Philip – how are you getting on with the music?

He'd say fine.

Then I'd smile and sing a bit of the song: When you move in right up close to me!

I knew a good bit of it now from hearing it on the radio.

Then I'd get up and walk down to the jukebox. I'd lean over it for a minute and drum my fingers on the sides thinking over what I was going to put on. If the blondie one or the other one looked down at me I'd grin at her or maybe wink. Then the record would be selected and on it would come. I bought fags so that I would be able to flip one out for her when I sat back down again. You could just sit there thinking and looking at everybody passing outside on the street as the smoke curled up to the ceiling. You could mouth the words as you were sitting there. Shaking all over!, and then the guitar bit.

I didn't even have to think about it, I just pushed the door it swung right open and in I went. I thought they'd be sitting over by the window under the Elvis Presley poster but there was just the owner in a nylon coat reading a newspaper there was nobody else there, all you could hear was the hissing of the coffee machine and someone rattling pans in the kitchen. Yes please says your man without even looking up. What?, I said I didn't hear him at first then I said it's all right I was just looking for somebody I don't think he heard me either. I closed the door behind me and went back down the street. I went round to the carnival but there was no sign of them there either, there wasn't a sinner about and nearly half the sideshows had been closed or moved on. They were playing the same Jim Reeves record over and over again and you could hardly hear it it was so scratched. I hung about the streets until nearly midnight but there was no one around. The only thing I seen was the drunk lad being thrown out of the Tower. He hammered on the door to try and get back in you could hear him all over the town. I turned and went home before he seen me but I didn't sleep I just sat at the window looking out.

I went round to Leddy the next day. Where do you think you're going in that get-up he says, you can clear off from about here. But I didn't clear off I told him all about the garage and everything I couldn't quit talking and in the end he got fed up he says go on then take that brock barrow and go off round to the hotel and collect what they have they must have plenty by now. Right Mr Leddy I says thanks for taking me back. There's thousands wouldn't he says and went off inside then off I went down the street whistling and wheeling my cart Francie Brady the Brock King of the Town. Hello there I'd say. Ah good man Francie. And not a bad day now. No thank God. And Francie you're home. I am indeed. Ting-a-ling a-ling. Stone the crows its our old mate Francie! 'Ello dearies! Pound o'mince, there you go! Cor luvaduck!

Who's that gone by on the bike? What's he talking about – ducks?

The next day I got dressed up again and went back down to the cafe I knew they'd have to be in sooner or later. I sat in their place and put the song on. I lit a fag and then I lit another one. It was good looking at the street through the twisty horns of smoke. I put the song over and over but there was still no sign of them. I smoked a good few fags. I smoked maybe twenty or thirty. I came back the next day and did the same again. And I came back the day after that. It was dark when I was going home. The owner was sweeping up. He was an Italian. He said: Ees quiet now. Not so much people around now. I said there wasn't. He said it was no good in the town in the winter. I said Joe and the girls and Philip why are they not coming in?

He didn't know who I was talking about for a minute. Then he breaks into a big smile. Ah, Joseph!, he says – and Philip! Yes yes yes!

Then he starts shaking his head and trying to poke a Kit Kat wrapper out from under the seat with the brush.

No, he says, I am afraid we have not seen them for a long time. They are away. They were good customers of mine. I miss them.

I said: What are you talking about, away? I don't know, he says, away, that is all I know. I went to light up a fag but there was none left only an empty box. I said to him have you any fags no he says I do not sell cigarettes we are closing now please. I must have asked him for fags again.

He says: I told you! Cigarettes, I do not sell them! Now please! He opened the door.

One fag then, I says, I'll give you a tanner.

Please! he says.

I kept thinking I was going to meet Joe or the blondie one or some of them on the street so I didn't want to take the jacket off just in case. Leddy started into me over it – for the love of Christ he says and all this but I says what do you care what I wear all you care about is me collecting the brock as long as I do that what do you care if I come in in a cowboy hat! Oh for fuck's sake! he says and in the end he just threw the fag into the gutter and says: Do it then do what you fucking well like I'm past talking to you God's curse the day I took you in in the first place!

I said: Don't worry, I'll work twice as hard now that I'm back you won't have any complaints about me Mr Leddy!

After that I didn't wait for him to tell me to do anything. I was cleaning and hosing and chopping and sawing and packing, anything there was to be done it was done hours before Leddy knew it had to be done. I worked until the sweat ran out of me. Then when I was finished I'd be away off to see if I could see Joe for I said to myself that the cafe man was talking through his arse go back to Italy I said. A couple of times I thought I saw them but it was just some other girl with blonde hair. Every night I left the brock cart back in the slaughterhouse yard beside the Pit of Guts and locked up. There was one thing Leddy was right about and that was I had ruined my good jacket all right for when I was heeling a bin into the cart stew or some stuff went all over me. I was wondering should I go back down and clean it before I went near Joe's for that was what I had decided to do I couldn't stick the empty streets and the waiting any more. Then I thought: What would you want to clean it for – do you think Joe cares if