heart condition. It was a despicable thing to do. Not that he takes care of himself anyway. He had no business being out alone last night without his medication.”
“The dinner meeting-do you know what that was about?”
He looked away. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t. I didn’t even know where he was until I came home and got his message on my machine. It’s lucky I came home when I did-and that I know enough to carry a few of his pills with me. Not that there was time for that last night.”
“You weren’t home when he called?”
He shook his head. “Neither of us were home. Lisa was out with one of her friends and I was here, grading papers. I had a fierce headache, so I went home.”
“I saw him go to the phones. He didn’t look well.”
“He was such a fool! He should have called an ambulance, or had one of those men take him to the hospital. Didn’t he learn anything the last time?”
“You were able to save him. That’s what matters.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled on a sigh. “I hope so. I wish I could be more certain of his recovery. When I saw him last night, hooked up to all those tubes and machines…”
“Not easy on you, I know. You look like you could use a few hours’ sleep.”
“Impossible. I thought I might be able to work, but I can’t concentrate.”
“Your sister’s worried about you, you know.”
“Yes,” he said, smiling faintly. “She’s not likely to worry about Dad. Not that I blame her. He made her so miserable as a kid.”
“She hasn’t done bad as an adult. And she seems happy with her life in San Diego.”
“Probably because she got away from Dad. She was smart there.” His cheeks colored. “I suppose I’m destined to remain under his thumb.”
“Destined?”
“Perhaps that’s not a good way of speaking about it. But I’m trapped, in any case.”
“You’re not trapped. Just leave. Do what Lisa did. Live somewhere else.”
“No, no, I can’t. There aren’t many teaching positions available these days. Even if I were willing to throw away all my years of study and look for some other kind of work, there’s Dad’s health. He needs someone to take care of him. I’m the only one who’ll do that now.”
“What about his wife?”
“Maureen? She’s good to him. But then, all of Dad’s wives were good to him, right? And taking his…” He paused, turning slightly red again. “Well, let’s call it his romantic history. Taking his romantic history into account, I can’t expect Dad to be cared for by any woman. It’s his own fault. He’s failed at marriage four times and seldom stays with anyone more than a few months. He’s a hopeless cad, I’m afraid.”
A strange analysis from someone who-if the rumors had any foundation-was supposedly something of a cad himself.
He glanced over at me. “I’m not being entirely honest.”
“Oh?”
“Let’s face it. I’m afraid. My worst fear is that he’ll have another heart attack and I won’t be there with him. I was with him when he had his first heart attack. He complained of chest pains, and over his protests, I drove him to the hospital. By the time we got there, the pains were much worse. That one wasn’t so bad, but still, it scared the hell out of me.
“All the way to the hospital, and for days afterward, I found myself saying three words over and over:
He paused, shaking his head, then went on. “This from someone who has wished him dead countless times. As much as I’ve hated how he treated my mother, Lisa, all the women in his life-as angry as I’ve been with him for trying to control my life-knowing he’s a real bastard, I still wanted him to live.” He let out a long sigh.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this,” he said suddenly. “I guess it’s because none of the other women from SOS-yes, I know the inside joke-has ever tried to talk to me. Maybe I’m jealous of Lisa, because the members of SOS are so taken with her, while they all seem to assume I’m my father’s clone.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever thought-”
“It’s okay. How could you know anything about me? Naturally, his former girlfriends would assume that-what’s the old saying?-‘The apple never falls too far from the tree,’ right? And what a tree! When I was younger, I used to fantasize that he’d get back together with my mother. By the time I was in high school, I was grateful he left her alone.”
“Even though you were away at college when I was dating him, my impression was that Andre adored you.”
He shrugged. “He did. Still does, I suppose, but that isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It meant that the only sibling I’ll ever have-Lisa-grew up hating me. And no one thinks of me as Jerry Selman, an individual in his own right. I’m always Andre Selman’s son.” He laughed. “
“Academically, that can’t be bad.”
“Unless you are expected to exceed your sire’s abilities. I never will. I’m a better teacher, frankly. But I’m no good as a researcher. Sometimes I think his frustration over my lack of scholarly ability must have given Dad that first heart attack.”
“You don’t seriously believe that?”
He hesitated only slightly before saying, “No, of course not.”
I felt off-balance. I had expected Jerry Selman to be a smug, spoiled little bastard, not this vulnerable creature. Trying to regain my footing, I asked, “Do you know why I wanted to talk to you today?”
This time he turned a furious red. “Not to hear my tale of woe, I’m sure.”
“Listen, don’t misunderstand me. I’m glad you’ve talked to me about all of this. You’re right-I’ve never tried to get to know you before now. My former relationship with your father isn’t a source of great pride for me, and for obvious reasons you are someone I associate with him. But I’m sure I’ll think of you differently after today.”
“Thanks,” he said. He finished off his coffee and tossed the paper cup into the trash. “But then, I don’t suppose you came here for my thanks. All the same, I do wish there was some way I could show you my appreciation.” He frowned, then said, “While I was waiting at the hospital this morning, I read your article in today’s paper-the one about Allan Moffett’s resignation-and then I realized that you weren’t at the Terrace by coincidence. I take it you’re here in connection with that dinner for Allan.”
So, Lisa’s brother wasn’t nearly as thickheaded as she imagined him to be. I began to wonder if he wasn’t often underestimated. “Yes,” I said, “I thought your father might have talked to you about it.”
“I’m not going to be of much help to you, I’m afraid. I wasn’t invited to it. Dad had mentioned that he was going to be there, but just said that Allan was going to get some of his friends together. I didn’t think anything of it.”
OUTSIDE THE BUILDINGthat housed his office, I stopped at a concrete bench and took a moment to collect my thoughts. Chill air frosted my breath. I was near a big tree full of noisy blackbirds, but otherwise the campus was quiet. It was that time of day when morning classes were over and evening classes had not yet begun. A few students drifted by on their way to the library. I looked around me. Thomas Wolfe was right, except that home isn’t the only place you can’t go back to.
I pulled my coat collar up around my ears and headed down the sloping walkways toward what a friend of mine used to call “the lower kingdom”-the administration building, nestled into the bottom of the hill. It was my fervent wish that Booter Hodges would find my visit there an unpleasant surprise.
9
HELLO, IRENE!How nice to see you!” Booter wore a big grin as he welcomed me from his office door. “Pammy,” he called to his secretary, who was standing a few feet away, posed in the ready mode, “take this girl’s coat from her, would you?”
