– Evening, Tom. See you finally got that promotion you been bucking for.
– It wasn’t a promotion, asshole. The Society isn’t a fucking corporation, it’s a collective. I was elected to the post by my peers.
– Yeah, sure. Anything you say. I’m sure Terry backing you had nothing to do with it.
He starts to come outside, but stops himself.
– OK. OK. You know, you can say whatever you want, Pitt. Doesn’t matter to me. Know why?
– No. Tell me, please.
– ’Cuz you’re just a slob on the outside who’s trying to get inside, and all I have to do to get rid of you is this.
And he slams the door in my face.
Well, shit, I’m a bigger pain in the ass than that.
I cover all the buttons on the intercom panel, push them down and hold them there. It takes about a minute for him to open back up.
– Knock that shit off, Pitt!
I take my hands off the buttons.
– Hey, Tom. Terry around?
– You don’t have a fucking appointment. No appointment, no Terry.
He slams the door. I hit the buttons. He opens the door.
– Hey, Tom. Terry around?
– Hurley, get rid of this guy.
Hurley comes out onto the porch.
– Time fer ya ta go, Joe.
– Hey, Hurl, that rhymes.
He points at the steps.
– Ya want ta walk down ’em, or ya want ta fall down ’em?
I stand on my tiptoes and look over his shoulder at Tom.
– So if a guy wanted to make an appointment, how would he go about it?
Tom smiles.
– A guy like you? An old friend of Terry’s?
– Yeah, a guy like me.
– Well, I’d say all a guy like you has to do is pencil something in for a week past fucking never.
– That’s a long time.
– Hurley.
Hurley turns around and looks past Tom.
– Yeah, Terry?
– What’s the hassle about?
– Joe here wanted ta come in.
– Well, why’s the man standing out there?
– Didn’t have no appointment.
– That’s cool. Let him in.
Tom spins, dreadlocks flying.
– What the fuck? He’s got no appointment.
– No problem, Tom. I’m not really busy right now. Just taking it easy.
– That doesn’t matter. I’m supposed to be clearing people in advance.
– Sure, but we got to stay flexible, too.
– But security.
– Sure, sure, we want to be safe. But that’s Joe. We all know Joe.
I hold my hand up.
– Hey, Terry, I don’t want to cause trouble. I can make an appointment. No problem.
– No, man, no. Come on in.
– You sure?
I take a step toward the door. Hurley moves to the side, but Tom steps in front of me.
– Security is supposed to be my job. And this asshole hasn’t been cleared by security.
Terry takes off his Lennon glasses and wipes them on his Monterey Pop Festival T-shirt.
– Yeah, man, you’re security and all, but we got to remember this is a community organization. You know, it’s all well and good for us to be safe, but we have to be able to respond to the needs of the community. Otherwise, man, what’s the point? And Joe here, he’s a member of the community. So let’s, you know, let’s just bend a point here and let the man in.
– Fucking. I was duly elected and I’m taking this shit seriously. I’m drawing a line. No appointment, no meeting. Especially for a security threat like this guy.
Terry puts his glasses back on.
– A line. Uh-huh. A line. OK. OK. I get it. You and Joe have history. Some, you know, some difficult history. Some unresolved conflicts. That’s cool. So I tell you what, why don’t you and Hurley go do a perimeter check?
– What?
– You know, go, like, check the perimeter. Make sure it’s secure or whatever.
– My post is-
– Tom, really, go check the damn perimeter and stop acting like a storm trooper.
Tom opens and closes his mouth a couple times, looks at me, looks back at Terry, looks at me again.
– This goes on the list, Pitt. Right near the top.
And he storms down the steps, making sure to hit me with his shoulder on the way.
– What list is that, Tom?
– Fuck you, cocksucker. Come on, Hurley.
– The list of times you’ve made an ass of yourself?
– FUCK YOU!
He walks away down the sidewalk, Hurley a few steps behind him.
I turn to Terry.
– It really safe letting him walk around with Hurley?
– He’s an OK guy, Joe. Good at his job. Pretty mellow most of the time. It’s only when he’s around you that he loses his cool.
– Well, that’s the only time I see him.
– Think there’s a connection there?
– Got me.
He smiles.
– Uh-huh. So. Something you wanted to see me about?
– Yeah.
– Well, come on in, my friend. I’m just brewing up some
– Lucky me.
– The thing is, Joe, the thing is, I really thought I’d be seeing more of you. After the last, you know, realignment, I thought we had gotten back some of that trust, some of those good vibes we used to share.
– Thought it’d be just like old times?
He takes a big whiff of the branches and dirt brewing on the stove.
– Well, old times. You can never get those back. But I thought we’d reached an accord, an understanding. Something to build on. But you haven’t really been around. Why do you suppose that is?
– Got me, Terry. Maybe because I don’t like you?
He laughs as he pours the mess in the pan through a strainer and into a cup.
– Well, yeah, I guess that’d explain it. Sure I can’t interest you in some of this? It’ll mellow you right out, put you in a good frame for conversation.
– I don’t like to be mellow.
