arrange for the illegal passports. We used a truck stop near Roanoke for Rachel's first phone call. A former patient of hers from New York gave her a contact num¬ber in Washington, D.C., and told her to wait an hour before calling it. During that hour, someone would vouch for Rachel to the person at that number.
She made her second call from Lexington, Virginia, where she received instructions to go to the Au Bon Pain cafe in Washington's Union Station at eleven tomorrow morning. She was also told to choose two full names and birth dates, and to obtain passport photos for the 'friends' involved. She should deliver the photos along with cards bearing the names and physical descriptions of the 'friends' to the person at the Au Bon Pain meet¬ing. When Rachel asked how long it would take to obtain what she required, the source told her forty-eight hours was the usual delay.
Between Lexington and Interstate 66, we realized we had another problem. Credit cards. Buying air tickets to Israel for cash would raise concerns, as would the fact that we had no advance hotel reservations. Friends or relatives would have to make reservations for us in our new names, using legitimate credit cards. My parents were dead, and all my friends would be covered by the NSA. Rachel's parents, ex-husband, and friends would be covered as well. In the end, she chose to call a doctor to whom she'd almost become engaged when she was attending Columbia. He was Jewish, traveled often to Israel, and was utterly devoted to her. I thought a request to make flight and hotel reservations in names he didn't know might worry the man, but Rachel assured me that anything she asked would be done. She tried three times to phone him before we reached D.C., but had no luck. His answering service refused to give out his cell number, and Rachel couldn't leave a number for him to call back.
The bathroom door opened with a rush of steam, and Rachel emerged with one towel wrapped around her body, another around her head.
'There's still some hot water left. And one towel. You should try it. I feel human again.'
'We need to try your doctor friend one more time. I brought in your clothes. They're pretty dirty.'
She smiled wearily. 'I'd give a thousand dollars for my flannel pajamas.'
'We'll get some new clothes tomorrow. Or tonight, if you really want some. After we make that call.'
Her shoulders sagged. 'Can't we just sleep for a while?'
'We need that hotel reservation to date from as early as possible before our departure. Most reservations like that are made weeks in advance.'
'You're telling me to get dressed?'
I nodded.
She sat on the edge of the bed and began drying her hair.
'I was thinking,' I said. 'If you don't have any prob¬lem with it, we should travel as husband and wife.'
She turned and looked at me. 'Do I look like I have a problem with it?'
'Good. We'll give your friend married names for the reservations. Should we use Jewish names?'
'No. You wouldn't fool an Israeli for five seconds. I'm a good Jewish girl who broke down and married a goy. I'll do all the talking.'
She picked up her shirt off the bedspread and walked back into the bathroom. I heard the wet towel land on the shower rod; then she returned wearing only the shirt. Its tail hung halfway down her thighs, but there was nothing beneath, and it left little to the imagina¬tion.
'I have to lie down,' she said. 'Wake me up when you're ready to go.'
I looked at my watch. It was 5:45 P.M. Letting her fall asleep would be a mistake, but it was probably better to wait for dark. I didn't think I could get up yet either. I'd had no real sleep for two days, and I ached in muscles I hadn't used for years.
Rachel pulled back her bedcovers, climbed under them, and lay on her stomach, her face turned toward me. Her dark eyes were cloudy with fatigue, but there was a trace of a smile on her lips.
'I can hardly think,' she said. 'You?'
'I'm barely here.'
'Do you know why I'm really here?'
'Because you're afraid of dying?'
'No. Because I'm more afraid of not living than I am of dying. Does that make sense?'
'Some.'
She slid deeper under the covers. 'You don't under¬stand. My son is dead. My marriage is over. What do I have to lose?'
Rachel had always surprised me, but maybe this time she was delirious. 'I'm sure your patients-'
'If I died tomorrow, my patients would get another shrink. I sit in that room for days on end, listening to people who are depressed, afraid, angry, paranoid. I lis¬ten to other people's lives and try to make sense of them. Then I go home and write about them for the journals.'
She smiled strangely. 'But today is different. Today a man I diagnosed as delusional has pulled me into his delusion. I'm Alice through the looking glass. People are trying to kill me, but I'm still alive. And now I'm going to fly to Israel because of a hallucination. Because a man I actually respect has suddenly decided he's Jesus.'
'You need sleep.'
She shook her head, her eyes never leaving my face. 'Sleep won't change how I feel about this.'
In that moment I wasn't sure what she was referring to. I slid down the headboard, rested my head on my elbow, and looked across the space between the beds. Her shoulders were dark against the white sheet, and her damp hair spilled across her eyes.
'What are you really talking about?' I asked.
Her eyes looked through mine the way they some¬times had in her office, as though all the walls I had put up since my family's death were nothing to her. Then, very deliberately, she smiled.
'I have no idea. Why don't you go take a shower?'
The look in her eyes spoke more directly than her mouth. I got up and went to the bathroom, stripping off my dirty clothes as I went. After two days of running for my life, the steaming water felt more nourishing than food. My hands and neck stung from brier scratches, but my muscles began to relax under the spray. As I washed my hair with shampoo from the tiny hotel bottle, I thought of Rachel's dark hair spread over the pillow, and I hurried to finish. She had to be as exhausted as I was, and sleep would be hard to fight. I toweled off in the bathroom, then tied the towel around my waist and walked out to the space between the beds.
Rachel still lay on her stomach, but now her eyes were closed, her breathing deep and regular. I looked down at her, wishing she had managed to stay awake, but I couldn't blame her. She had seen too much in the past two days, and run too far. I pulled off my towel, then sat on the edge of my bed and started drying my hair. After a few moments, I wanted only to fall back on the bed and sleep until I could sleep no more.
A dark, slender arm crossed the narrow space between the beds. Rachel's hand touched my knee, then opened and closed in the air, as if grasping for some¬thing. When I put my hand in hers, she pulled me over to her bed with surprising strength. I slid in beside her and looked down into her eyes, which were open wide, like dark pools.
'Did you think I was asleep?' she asked.
'You were.'
'Am I dreaming, then?'
I smiled. 'Hallucinating, maybe.'
'Then I can do anything I want.'
'That's true.'
She raised her head and kissed me. Her lips were firm and filled with blood, and her mouth opened with a hunger that told me she had wanted this for a long time. I undid the but¬tons of her shirt and pulled her over onto me. She laughed as her damp hair fell across my face.
'Did you think about this during our sessions?' she asked.
'Never.'
'Liar.'
'Maybe once or twice.'
She kissed me again, and the way she molded her body to mine told me there would be no fumbling of first- time lovers. Her touch was as knowing and confident as her eyes, and as she focused all her attention upon me, I remembered that there is nothing so thrilling as a woman of words when she decides that the time for words is
