a thousand miles away.'
'See, why do I tell you personal stuff if you're just gonna make fun?'
'I'm not making fun. Hey, I can see where it might be safe to want somebody who doesn't want you back.'
'Safe? Sure you don't mean stupid?'
'No, I mean safe. Especially safe for a guy like you.'
'A guy like me?'
'Okay, now don't go getting postal with me.' Tommy held up his hands in mock surrender.
'I'm not. Go on. Explain yourself.' Andrew grabbed his third Bud Light by the bottle's neck and took a sip.
'You keep saying you don't do commitment, right? As soon as a woman starts showing any signs of getting serious you start running in the opposite direction. So, who do you choose to fall in love with? A woman who ain't ever gonna get serious on you.'
'So, if your theory is correct, I'm a real schmuck.'
'Oh, yeah, big-time.'
'Thanks a lot.'
'Actually, you're not a schmuck. It's evidently your method of survival.'
'You're saying I don't really have feelings for this woman?'
'I'm saying it's safe to have feelings for her. You said she told you she's in with this guy for the long haul.'
'Maybe she's confused.'
'Maybe she enjoys jerking you around. You don't think she gets off having someone like you pining for her?'
Andrew sat back again, rubbing his jaw as if Tommy had just sucker punched him. The woman in question, an attractive redhead named Erin Cartlan, owned a small bookshop in lower Manhattan. They had met two years before when she introduced herself at Book Expo America and invited him to schedule a book signing at her store. She was attractive and witty, and he could still swear that she had been flirting with him that weekend though she denied it later.
pretending not to know what he was even talking about. Since then they had maintained a sort of friendship, more professional than personal, although Andrew had to admit he constantly found himself hoping it would turn into something more.
Tommy was staring at him, shaking his head. 'Crap, now I've got you thinking about her. You won't get any writing done.'
'I think you just like to see me miserable.'
'That's my whole point. I don't like seeing you miserable. You're missing what I'm saying here. You seem content to pine for a woman you can't have. You write about crime scenes and autopsies but pass up opportunities to see them firsthand. You don't even want to eat the fish you catch.' He shook his head. 'From where I sit, that's not exactly living life to its fullest.'
Andrew felt the heat crawl up his neck, but he kept the anger from his voice when he said, 'I didn't bring enough beers for this conversation.'
'You know I'm saying what I'm saying 'cause I care about you. You know that, right? Oh, fuck.' Tommy grabbed for his belt, twisting the electronic pager attached so he could read the LED. 'Sorry, buddy, something's going on. I'm gonna need to take off.'
Tommy grabbed his cell phone and started to leave but stopped at the porch door. 'You sure you're gonna be okay out here?'
Andrew shrugged with his good shoulder then nodded. 'Yeah, of course.' But he was still thinking about Erin and wondering how he'd ever fill those blank notebook pages now.
CHAPTER 17
5:15 p.m. Highway 50
Melanie stabbed at the button on the car's door, locking and unlocking it, then finally bringing down her window. She needed to breathe. She needed some fresh air, some relief from the smell of vomit and blood. She gulped down the warm, damp wind then, grabbing her baseball hat before it blew away, she punched the button for the window to close.
'We need to backtrack,' Jared told her, sitting sideways in his seat and watching out the back window.
She saw the gun in his lap, his finger still on the trigger. In the rearview mirror she watched for Charlie, The gags and awful retching had stopped. Occasionally she saw his head bob up into view.
'I said we need to turn around.' Jared's voice had returned to calm and demanding. 'We need to dump this car.'
He reached into the back seat, and Melanie thought he was checking on Charlie. Instead, he grabbed Charlie's gun by its nose, holding it as though it was contaminated. He opened his window and tossed the gun, flinging it into the grassy ditch. He kept his own gun in his lap while he reached into the back seat and pulled up his duffel bag.
'Turn around up here,' he told her again without looking at her or the road.
She heard the duffel bag's zipper, but she kept her eyes on the highway, glancing in the rearview and side mirrors, watching, expecting at any minute to see them fill with blue and red flashing lights. The highway divided up ahead- he must mean the next intersection. She could see the road sign indicating the turnoff for Springfield. Oncoming traffic had tapered to a few cars. She could do a U-ie without much fuss. She started to slow down, watching the line of traffic behind her, some cars already moving over to the temporary passing lane to pass by them. She felt relief that none of the cars looked like police cruisers, yet the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach warned her it was pushing their luck to head back into the line of fire. But she had to trust that Jared knew what he was doing.
'Forget about it,' Jared said suddenly. 'Just keep going.'
'There's not that much traffic. I can do it.'
'Fuck it. Keep going.'
And then, as they got closer, she saw it. On their left at the Phillip 66 Station was a black and white, Sarpy County Sheriff's Department in bold print on its side. She hadn't noticed it before because it had been partially hidden by the gas pumps. Now, as they drove by, there it was.
'Don't speed,' Jared instructed. 'Don't make any stupid moves.'
Melanie wanted to tell him it wasn't any of her stupid moves that had gotten them into this mess. She wanted to tell him if it hadn't been for her quick-not stupid-moves they'd already be sitting in the back of a police cruiser. Instead, she simply flipped on her turn signal and eased back into traffic, trying to ignore her sweaty palms, fists gripping the steering wheel. Her teeth were clenched again, her lower lip between them. Her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to keep her head from moving, from looking in the direction of the cruiser. It was like roadkill in the middle of the highway and that annoying instinct to look even though you knew you shouldn't.
'Stay calm,' Jared was saying, suddenly smooth and comforting.
Melanie recognized his seductive tone, the one he used like hypnosis usually to take the sting out of one of his cutting insults.
'No sudden moves,' he said. 'Just be cool.'
She caught a glimpse of Charlie, now huddled on the seat in a ball, hugging his backpack, face white, eyes glazed. She didn't have time to worry about him, not now when it took all her concentration to keep the car in the right lane of the two-lane highway and watch the cruiser in her side mirror.
Jared was watching the highway, too, while digging in the duffel bag. Soon she heard a rhythmic click-click and her stomach pitched when she saw him reloading the gun.
She wanted to tell him his gun had already gotten them into enough trouble, to remind him that she and Charlie had never had to use guns before. Instead, she said nothing.
Both she and Jared were so focused on the black and white at the gas station that neither noticed the one in
