slaves were kept busy heaping up coals on an iron brazier and pouring large jugs of water over them. Suzie and I moved forward, and the steam thinned out some as we approached the pool. Reclining at their ease on padded couches were any number of naked men and women, and a whole bunch of other forms whose nakedness made it clear they weren't even slightly human. The pool itself held several mermaids, all saucy smiles and bobbing breasts and long, forked fish tails. Half a dozen dolphins frisked up and down in the water, showing off their virtuosity with big toothy grins. There were undines and sirens and some more of the lizardly types; and sitting at the far end of the pool, thirty feet tall if he was an inch, the god of the sea, Poseidonis himself. His head brushed against the ceiling, and his legs took up the whole end of the pool. His huge body was thick with hair, and his bearded face was almost impossibly handsome. His dimensions were still human, apart from a really impressive set of equipment. I looked away. I couldn't afford to feel intimidated before I even started negotiating. In and around the pool, men and women and others looked curiously at Suzie and me. I couldn't help feeling that a lot of the people would have looked better clothed.
'Hey,' said Suzie. 'Have you noticed about Poseidonis...'
'I'm trying not to.'
'Lift your eyes, Taylor. I meant, he hasn't got a navel.'
I looked. He hadn't. 'Of course,' I said. 'He was believed into being, not born.'
By this time we'd reached the edge of the pool. Conversation had stopped as we moved cautiously between the Members reclining on their couches. Apparently our reputation had proceeded us here, too. Unfortunately, it didn't stop one poor fool from reaching out and lazily caressing Suzie's arse. She kicked him right off his couch and into the pool. There was general laughter, and even some applause, and I relaxed a little.
'Bravely done, my dear,' said Poseidonis, his great voice rumbling through the steamy air. 'Come forward, mortals, and tell me what boon you wish of me.'
We walked forward along the edge of the pool and stopped at the end, looking up at the god. Up close, his face was big and broad and smiling, and for all the god's size and overwhelming presence, my first thought was He doesn't look too bright. I suppose when you're a god, with a god's power, you don't have to be.
'You're not from this Time, are you?' he said easily. 'You have the smell of Chronos about you.'
'Wasn't he a Greek god?' said Suzie.
Poseidonis shrugged. 'We kept a few from the old order, for completeness.'
'We're travellers,' I said. 'From the future.'
'Oh, tourists,' said Poseidonis. He sounded disappointed.
'You've seen other travellers, like us?' said Suzie.
'Oh, yes.' Poseidonis scratched lazily at the curly hair on his bulging stomach. 'There's always a few, passing through, always terribly keen to tell us all about the futures they've come from. Like I care. Futures are like arseholes; everyone's got one. After all, no matter what societies men come up with, they'll always need their gods. Nothing like being immortal and powerful beyond reason, to give you job security.' He frowned suddenly. 'And far too many of them will insist on talking about this new god, the Christ. Can't say I know the chap. Is he popular, in your time? Has he joined our pantheon?'
'Not exactly,' I said. 'Where we come from, no-one believes in your pantheon any more.'
His face clouded, then darkened dangerously. I knew the words were a mistake, even as I heard them coming out of my mouth, but there's something about being naked in front of a naked man five times your size that keeps you from concentrating. Poseidonis stood up abruptly and banged his head on the ceiling. Tiles cracked and shattered, broken pieces falling into the pool, while Poseidonis clutched at his head and bellowed with pain. No- one laughed, and most of the creatures in the pool retreated to the far end. The god glared around him, then he lifted his hands and lightning cracked down out of nowhere. Vivid bolts stabbed down all through the bath house, and the various Members jumped up off their couches and ran for their lives. I got the sense they'd had to do this before. The creatures in the pool vanished, disappearing back to wherever they'd come from. I grabbed a couch and overturned it, and Suzie and I hid behind it as the lightning storm continued.
'Nice one, Taylor,' said Suzie.
'For a god powerful beyond all reason, he has really lousy aim,' I said.
The lightning broke off abruptly and the couch was plucked away from us. Poseidonis threw it the length of the pool, and then leaned over to glare at Suzie and me. His face was bright red with rage, and very ugly. Suzie and I scrabbled backwards, then ran like hell to the other end of the bath house as his long arras stretched after us. Poseido-nis was standing bent over in the pool, his hunched back pressed against the ceiling. He was growing bigger by the minute, actually filling his end of the bath house. He roared like a maddened bull, and the sound was deafening as it echoed back from the tiled walls.
'So,' said Suzie, a little breathlessly. 'We're naked and unarmed, facing a really pissed off god. What's your next bright idea?'
'I'm thinking!'
'Well, think faster!'
Poseidonis was still growing, the bath's ceiling cracking apart as his back and shoulders heaved up against it. He reached for Suzie and me with his huge hands, and we scattered in different directions. The god paused for a moment, torn between two conflicting decisions, and while he wrestled with the problem, I happened to notice that the great pool was almost completely drained of water. Poseidonis was the god of the sea, and he'd sucked all the water out of the pool to make up his new bulk. But this was also a steam bath ... I grabbed one of the couches, used it as a lever, and overturned the iron brazier full of coals right into the pool. There was a great rushing up of steam, as the coals hit what was left of the water, and in a moment everything disappeared behind a thick fog. Poseidonis cried out angrily, but his voice didn't sound nearly as loud.
The steam slowly thinned away, to reveal an almost human-sized god, standing confusedly by the side of the pool. The extreme heat had boiled the excess water right out of him. Suzie ran forward and was upon him in a moment, a length of jagged wood from a dismembered couch in her hand. She grabbed a handful of the god's curly hair, jerked back his head, and set the sharp wooden edges at his throat.
'All right, all right!' yelled Poseidonis. 'Mortal, call your woman off!'
'Maybe,' I said, strolling down the pool to join them. 'Are you feeling in a more cooperative mood, now?'
'Yes, yes! You've got to let me get out of here, before the heat evaporates me completely! I hate it when that happens.'
'We need a favour,' I said firmly.
Poseidonis scowled petulantly. 'Anything, to get rid of you.'
'My associate and I need to go further back in Time,' I said.
'Two hundred years should do it,' said Suzie.
'To the very beginnings of the Nightside,' I concluded.
'Ah,' said the god. 'Now that's a problem. Gods! Ease off with that wood, woman! Just because my godly person can repair any damage, eventually, it doesn't mean I'm not sensitive to pain! Look, I don't do Time travel. That's Chronos's province. I'm only the god of the sea, and horses, because of a book-keeping error, and I have no power over Time. We gods are really very strict when it comes to demarcation. And no, I can't introduce you to Chronos; no-one's seen him in years. I'm sorry, but I really can't help you!'
'Then who could?' said Suzie.
'I don't know ... I don't! Honestly I don't! Oh gods, I'm going to end up with splinters, I know it... Look; there's this really awful bar not far from here, supposed to be the oldest bar in the Nightside. That's the place to ask.'
Suzie glared at me. 'Don't you even think of saying
'I wouldn't dare,' I assured her. I looked at Poseidonis. 'What's the bar called?'
'Dies Irae. Which only goes to show that someone there has a classical and very warped sense of humour. Would you like me to transport you right there?'
'You can do that?' I said.
'Only with your consent, in my current weakened state, or I'd have transported you both to the moon, by now ... Ow! That hurt, woman!'
'Send us to the bar,' I said. 'Straight there, with no detours, and with all our clothing and weapons. And don't even think about coming after us.'
