“I started downstairs and I heard my father say, ‘I can’t trust you! I can’t trust you!’ My mother screamed.”
“I didn’t want to follow the voices, but I couldn’t help myself. They were in the kitchen.”
“My father didn’t see me. He was holding a knife and it was red with blood. He was drenched, and for a minute I thought he’d been hurt.
“Then I saw Mama.”
“I screamed, but Daddy didn’t hear me. He dropped the knife and gathered Mama up in his arms and rocked her like a baby. But-I sensed he wasn’t there. It was like he was already gone; his eyes were vacant, hollow.
“Then he came in.”
“Who?” John asked, but his voice sounded so far away.
“Bobby. My brother. He was eighteen, the oldest.”
“Bobby picked up the knife my father dropped. He told me to run.”
“I ran.” Her voice cracked and she swallowed. She vividly remembered the terror in her chest.
“I couldn’t leave the house. Not without Dani and Peter. How could I leave them to die? I ran past the front door just as I heard the lock turning. Melanie and Rachel had been out at a movie and they were coming home. I screamed at them to run, but I don’t think any sound came out.”
“He stabbed Rachel and Mel in the foyer. Over and over and I watched. It was like I couldn’t move. Then he looked up the stairs at me.”
“He had a gun. Peter had come out of his room and was standing in the hall, shaking. I grabbed him and went into my room to get Dani. I was crying, I couldn’t stop, and we all went to Mama’s room.”
“I picked up the phone and dialed 911. I waited and waited and someone finally picked up. But I heard Bobby coming down the hall. He was laughing, but it wasn’t a laugh.”
“I went into the closet with Peter and Dani and tried to keep them quiet, but I was crying and I just knew the police weren’t going to get to us in time. We prayed together, Peter and I, and held Dani between us.”
Rowan turned and faced John, tears streaming down her face. She impatiently wiped at them with the back of her hand. “I heard the sirens and the shooting stopped. I didn’t know where Bobby went, but Roger told me later he jumped out one of the bedroom windows to escape. They caught him at the end of the street and arrested him. Daddy-they arrested Daddy, but he was already gone. In his mind, he was dead.”
She closed her eyes, saw Dani in her mind. Her beautiful, sweet little baby sister. “I didn’t know Dani was dead until the paramedics came in and pulled her from my arms. A bullet had hit her and she’d died instantly. I thought the warm liquid I felt was our tears. It was her blood. All over me.”
She hadn’t heard John get up, but suddenly he pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair. She sank into him, gripping his back, feeding off his strength.
Then her feet left the ground and he carried her to the oversized chair in the corner, nestling her into his lap. She leaned against him, her head on his shoulder, and felt herself marginally relax.
“What happened to Peter?” John asked quietly.
“He was adopted by a wonderful family in Boston. He’s a priest now. We keep in touch, but no one knows about him. No one knows he’s my brother.”
“You didn’t have any other family? Anyone to take you in?”
The rejection was still raw, she realized as she told him, her voice detached. “My mother had a sister. Aunt Karen. She-she came out to see Peter and me. She wouldn’t take us. She-we were his children, after all. And he’d killed our mother. Her sister. She couldn’t forgive us.”
“You were children!”
“And then our grandparents, my father’s parents. They were older, in their late sixties or so; they’re dead now. They tried, but they couldn’t take care of us.” She took a deep breath. “I had nightmares. Peter wouldn’t, couldn’t talk. They didn’t know how to help us.”
“And Roger Collins stepped in?”
She took a deep breath, slowly let it out. “I met Roger when I agreed to testify against my brother Bobby. It wasn’t an FBI case, but Roger was a crime scene investigator and had experience working with survivors. He debriefed me.” Debriefed. How clinical, she thought. “He took pity on me and asked if I wanted to live with him and his wife. I agreed. But I wouldn’t let them adopt me.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to love them. Everyone I love dies.”
“Where’s Bobby now?” John’s voice was a low growl, his anger simmering beneath the surface, but Rowan felt it in his tense muscles.
“Dead.” She paused, then let out a jerky breath, a sob breaking at the end. “He escaped on his way to the courthouse. Killed two guards in the process. He was shot on sight a few miles away when he tried to carjack someone. Good riddance.”
“You wanted to testify,” John said as he stroked her hair.