gravy, pass the meat, pass the taters, Lord, let's eat. Amen.
He felt the crying coming up tight in his throat. He didn't want to let it happen. He had spent years training himself not to let it happen. Men didn't cry. Men who cried were queer. Pussies and fairies and faggots.
'God,' he said. He hated his voice. It wasn't a voice at all. It wasn't even his. It was a baby's. 'I'll do anything You want. I'll pay any price You want me to. But make Mom come back. Please.'
He didn't know what else to say. He sat there and cried. Finally he remembered to say 'Amen.' He pulled up the bottom of his shirt and blew his nose.
The weeds off to his right whispered. He looked and saw the brown rat terrier. It was sitting six or seven feet away. It was grinning and panting. It seemed to be glad to see him.
'Hey, pup,' Jimmy said. 'Was that a good rabbit?'
The dog came closer, wagging its tail. It was a funny-looking thing. Its tail was stumpy and mud-caked. Its head was like a furry wedge of wood.
'Don't you have a home?' Jimmy asked. 'Don't you have people to feed you and pet you?'
The dog came closer still. It was two feet away now.
'I'd be your people if I could,' Jimmy said. He reached out. 'But my dad doesn't like dogs. Maybe he'd change his mind if he knew you could feed yourself.'
He touched the top of the dog's head. The fur was short and stiff. The dog flinched, but didn't move away. Jimmy spread his fingers so that his palm rested on the dog's head. The head felt warm and strong.
Jimmy told the dog about the latest adventures of Green Lantern and Spider- Man. The dog sat down and grinned while Jimmy petted it. They sat there a long time.
Just before sunset, Jimmy had to take a crap. Some trees lined a dry creekbed west of the pond, so he went there and found a fallen trunk. It was propped a few feet off the ground, held up by its dead branches. Jimmy shucked down his cutoffs and underwear and sat with the backs of his thighs on the narrow trunk. He lost his balance and grabbed a branch to keep from falling. The dog was sniffing around underneath.
'Get away,' Jimmy said, swinging his legs at it. It looked up, then resumed sniffing. Jimmy broke off a stick and threw it across the creekbed. The dog went to investigate, and Jimmy strained to finish before it returned. He used leaves for toilet paper.
Then he stood and pulled up his pants. He kicked dead leaves and dirt over the turds. He was disgusted. The dog had returned and was curious about what he was doing. Jimmy started back toward the pond. The dog sniffed and dug a little, then followed him.
They returned to the dam, and Jimmy watched the sun go down. It was a golden evening. The pond shimmered. The water looked pure in this light. Jimmy threw a clod into it and watched the ripples glint. A breeze came up, smelling of cattle and prairie hay. The steers began to wander off.
Jimmy supposed that he would have to sleep on top of the dam. He wished that he'd thought to grab Ernie's backpack. There had been some Cheez Curls left.
'Want to catch me a rabbit?' he asked the dog. The dog cocked its head and grinned.
Jimmy thought about round steak and mashed potatoes with brown gravy. He thought about cherry Popsicles and chocolate ice cream. He would die of hunger if he had to stay on the dam all night.
It was getting dark. Jimmy stood up. He would go on reconnaissance. He would see if the pickup was still in the driveway. Or maybe the station wagon would be back. Maybe God had answered his prayer. It had been several hours. Maybe Dad wasn't even mad anymore.
Jimmy came down from the dam, and the little brown dog came with him. They headed south, toward home. Just to check it out. Jimmy would be ready to run back if he had to. Or maybe he would grab his bike and head for town. He could stay with Ernie. Ernie's mom would feed him.
The dusk had become full dark by the time they reached the hay meadow. A yellow light from the house shone through the windbreak, but the white yard light wasn't on. This might mean that Dad wasn't home. Dad always turned on the yard light when the sun went down, to scare off thieves. Jimmy had always wondered what a thief would want to steal, but had never said so.
He and the dog continued across the meadow. The ground was uneven, and Jimmy tripped and fell. The dog snuffled his face. Jimmy pushed the dog away and stood. His ankle had twisted, but it only hurt a little. He went on. The dog came with him. The night noises had started. Crickets fell silent as Jimmy and the dog passed.
They crossed the next fence and went through the trees into the backyard. The hens made soft noises in the coop. Jimmy saw a dark lump on top of the coop and knew it was the rooster. The hens wouldn't let the thing sleep with them. The dog paused and whined as Jimmy passed the coop.
'Come on if you're coming,' Jimmy whispered. The dog trotted fast to catch up.
Light shone from the kitchen and living room windows, and the TV murmured. Dad's pickup was still in the driveway. The lawnmower was still in the yard.
Jimmy crept up to the porch. He had left his bicycle leaning here, but it was gone now. Maybe Dad had put it in the garage. Jimmy had to walk on the driveway gravel to get there, and it made noise. He hoped that the TV was loud enough that Dad wouldn't hear.
The side door of the garage was open. Jimmy reached inside and groped for the flashlight that Dad kept hanging on the wall. He took it down and turned it on. Its light was orange. His bicycle leaned against the shop-rag barrel. He started toward it.
Frantic squawks stopped him. Out in the coop, the chickens were going crazy. Jimmy looked around the garage for the dog. It wasn't there. He ran outside, the orange oval of light wavering before him.
Chickens were scrambling from the coop. They thumped against the plywood walls in their rush for the doorway. Feathers floated down orange. Jimmy ran to the coop, colliding with a few hens on the way. He went inside and swept the light around.
The dog was in the far comer. A dead rat, its head a bloody mess, lay at the dog's feet. The rat was huge. Another rat, almost as big, struggled in the dog's mouth. The dog whipped its head back and forth, and then the rat was still. The dog dropped it beside the first.
'What the hell's going on?'
Jimmy's chest clenched. Dad was behind him. He looked back and saw the shadow.
'This dog followed me home,' Jimmy said. His voice hurt his throat. 'He found these rats in here and killed them. I think the rats were eating the eggs.'
Dad took the flashlight from Jimmy and stepped closer to the dog. The dog picked up one of the rats and growled.
'Git,' Dad said, waving the flashlight. The dog growled again, then carried the rat past Dad and Jimmy and out the door.
Dad picked up the other rat by the tail and took it outside. Jimmy followed. Dad threw the rat toward the windbreak. Jimmy heard it hit the ground. He looked around for the dog, but didn't see it.
The light in Dad's flashlight was dying. The filament was a dull squiggle. Jimmy couldn't see Dad's face.
'Scrambled eggs in the skillet on the stove,' Dad said. 'Get in and eat and get to bed.'
Jimmy went in. He ate. The eggs were cold, but he didn't care. He went to bed.
