Wild fire

I added, “I am Superman.”

“All right, Superman, what else do we need to think about to keep ourselves alive and healthy?”

I advised her, “Don’t ask for a frozen daiquiri or anything that can be drugged. Drink what he’s drinking. Same with the food. Be careful. Remember the Borgias.”

“You remember the Borgias. I swear, John, you’d eat chili and hot dogs even if you knew they were poisoned.”

“What a way to go.” I continued my briefing. “Okay, our demeanor. This is a social occasion, mixed with the unpleasant business of a Federal investigation. So, act accordingly.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning, just the right combination of being polite, but firm.” I continued, “Madox likes his scotch. Try to gauge his sobriety. If he’s not drinking much, take that as a sign of trouble.”

“I understand.”

We discussed a few more fine points of etiquette that might not be addressed by Emily Post.

When we finished with etiquette class, Kate returned to survival school. “Tell me about the BearBangers.”

“Hey, these are neat.” I gave her one and told her how to load it and fire it, and went over its possible use as a weapon of last resort if we were relieved of our hardware. I said, “It might pass a frisk since it looks like a penlight. But you might want to stick it in your crotch.”

“Okay. Can I tell you where to stick yours?”

“This is serious.”

We went through some possible scenarios, some contingencies, and some Plan Bs.

I said to her, “My original plan-which I still like-was to bust in there, through some point in the fence, and take out one or two of the antenna poles, and/or take out the generators.”

She didn’t respond to that.

I continued, “That’s a very direct solution to the ELF problem. That is the weak link in Madox’s plan to detonate these suitcase bombs. Right?”

“What if there are no suitcase bombs? What if that’s not an ELF station?”

“So, we apologize for the damage and offer to pay for the poles and generators.”

I let that sit there awhile as we drove, but Kate wasn’t talking, so I pulled out my map of the Custer Hill property and put it on her lap.

She looked at it. “Where did you get this?”

“Harry gave it to me.”

“You took this from the morgue?”

“It wasn’t inventoried-”

“You took evidence?”

“Cut the FBI crap. I borrowed it. It’s done all the time.” I tapped the map on her lap, and said, “There’s an old logging road there on the east side of the property which runs right up to the fence, then beyond. Okay, we take that road, crash through the fence, then about a hundred yards later, we intersect with this perimeter road that connects all the poles. See it?”

She wasn’t looking at the map, but at me.

I continued, “So, we run along that road, line up a pole with the front of the van, and hit it. Okay? The pole goes down, the wires snap, and the ELF station is off the air. What do you think?”

“Well, aside from this being insane, I don’t think this van would knock one of those poles from the bedrock.”

“Sure it will. That’s why I borrowed it.”

“John, I grew up in rural Minnesota. I’ve seen vans and even pickup trucks hit utility poles, and the pole usually wins.”

“Yeah? Hard to believe.”

“And even if the pole cracks, the wires usually hold, and the pole hangs there.”

“No kidding? I should have spoken to you before I got myself excited about this.”

“And if the wires do snap, and hit this van, we’ll be toast.”

“This is true. Bad idea.” I went on, “Okay, so, if you look at the map, you’ll see the generator house. See? Right there.”

“Watch the road.”

“Okay, now this is a challenge, because the house is made of stone, with steel doors and steel shutters. But the weak link is the chimneys-”

“Wasn’t this in the story of the three little pigs?”

“Yeah. But we don’t go down the chimney. We get on the roof from the top of this van, then we stuff our jackets into the chimney pots, which is what the stupid wolf should have done, and the smoke backs up, and the generators conk out.”

“I see three chimneys and two jackets.”

“There’s a blanket in the back of the van, plus enough other crap to fill six more chimneys. What do you think?”

“Well, technically, it sounds feasible. Did you factor in ten or twenty security guards with all-terrain vehicles and assault rifles?”

“Yeah. That’s why I bought extra ammunition.”

“Of course. So, let’s say this works, or doesn’t work. Do we still show up at the front door for dinner?”

“That depends on the results of the shoot-out with the guards. We’ll play that by ear.”

“Sounds like a plan. Where is this logging road?”

I think she was being sarcastic. There are advantages and disadvantages in having a female partner. The ladies tend to be practical and cautious. The guys tend to be stupid and reckless, which may account for the fact that there are fewer men than women in the world.

I said, “Well, it was just an idea.” I added, “I thought of it before we were invited to dinner.”

“I don’t know how you lived long enough for me to meet you.” She added, “I had hoped that evolution and natural selection had solved the problem of people like you.”

I certainly didn’t reply to that.

She continued, “But you bring up an important point. The ELF system. The weakest link in the ELF station is not the poles, wires, or the generator. It is the transmitter.”

“This is true.”

“I’m assuming the transmitter is in the lodge itself.”

“Most likely. It would be safe and secure there, and hidden from view.”

“Right. It may be in the basement. The fallout shelter.”

I nodded. “Probably.”

“So, if you want to shut down Madox’s ELF station, then that is where we shut it down.”

“Absolutely.” I suggested, “You excuse yourself to go to the ladies’ room-which Madox will know takes fifteen to twenty minutes-find the transmitter, and smash it.”

“Okay. And you can cover me by sticking the BearBanger up your ass and firing it.”

Ms. Mayfield was in a strangely humorous mood tonight. It must be her way of dealing with stress.

I said to her, “As I mentioned earlier, the real purpose of this visit is not social-it is to place Bain Madox under arrest for… give me a Federal crime that fits.”

“Kidnapping. He had to kidnap Harry before he assaulted him.”

“Right. Kidnapping and assault. The state tries him for murder.”

“Correct.”

Actually, if Madox provoked me in any way, he wouldn’t have to worry about any trial. I said to Kate, “It’s good to be married to a lawyer.”

“You need a full-time lawyer, John.”

“Right.”

“Also, to make an arrest, you need something aside from your suspicions.”

“If we don’t arrest him tonight,” I said, “do you want to be responsible for four