”Open another one.“
I sigh, then move to the next file. When this image fills the screen, Mia gasps. It takes me a minute to process what I’m seeing. Drew stands facing the camera, holding Kate against him as they make love. But she is not facing him; she’s facing the camera, her long legs bowed at the knee, her feet hooked behind Drew’s powerful legs. Drew’s hands are clutching Kate’s inner thighs, while her lithe arms disappear beneath his muscular ones, presumably to grip his lower back. Somehow these few points of contact manage to support Kate’s full weight. The position spreads her chest to the limit, pushing her modest but shapely breasts up and outward through her long blond hair. And though her eyes are closed, her face communicates utter bliss. Drew’s jaw is clenched with effort, but he looks as though he could hold Kate suspended for eternity.
”I’ve never done that,“ Mia says softly. ”Have you?“
”No.“
”Is he in her front or back?“
I study the picture. Kate’s pubic area is trimmed to a barely visible shadow. What must be a third of the shaft of Drew’s penis is visible below her vaginal lips, but the slight downward angle of the shot makes it difficult to see the point of entry.
”Front, I think.“
Mia shakes her head again. Her breathing has gone shallow, and there’s a tension in her body that wasn’t there before. The photo is shockingly erotic, and it makes me wonder whether Drew and Kate shot this photograph, or whether someone else was indeed in the room. It’s hard to believe they staged this shot with a timer.
Mia leans closer to the screen. At some level, I know that viewing this material with her is inappropriate, but I also know that I’m not about to stop.
”What do you think about that?“ I ask.
”It’s beautiful.“
”Is it?“
”He’s hot.“
I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. ”And Kate?“
”She’s so
”Why would you want to look like that?“
Mia shakes her head. She doesn’t want to answer. But neither does she take her eyes from the picture. As she stares, I decide to ask something I’ve wondered about ever since the murder-and especially after last night’s conversation with Caitlin.
”Would you do something like that, Mia?“
”What? The sex?“
”No. Would you do what Kate did? Get involved with an older man. Like Drew.“
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. Then she turns to me and opens them. ”Do you want me to be honest?“
”Of course.“
”Will you be honest?“
”Yes.“
”Have you ever thought about kissing me?“
In one moment my face is burning. I can’t be honest with her about that. Maybe not even with myself.
”That wasn’t a discussion question,“ she says. ”It’s yes or no. True or false.“
”Mia…“
She looks down. ”It’s all right. I already know.“
”Do you?“
”I think so.“
”Well?“
She shakes her head and looks up again. ”You asked if I would do what Kate did. My answer is yes. With the right man.“
”Why would you?“
She looks back at the screen and covers her mouth with her hand. Then she closes the file and turns to face me, her eyes bright with intensity. ”Because I’m ready to experience more than I have up to this point. I want to know the essence of life, and of myself. I want to learn what I’m capable of. And the boys I know can’t help me do that.“
She pauses, but she seems to have more to say.
”I realize that I could be hurt by an older man,“ she goes on. ”But that’s what you do when you’re my age, isn’t it? You get your heart broken, and you learn. You try to figure out who you’re supposed to be with.“
”I suppose you’re right.“
”I’m not Kate. I’m not even
Her dark eyes are only inches from mine, and they seem almost bottomless.
”Mia-“
”I’m not the angel you think I am, Penn.“
”You’re more of one than you think.“
She raises an eyebrow in answer, then lays her right hand over my left. ”Will you answer
”Which one?“
”You know which one.“
As blood suffuses my cheeks again, it strikes me that only truth will resolve this situation. ”Yes, I’ve thought about what it would be like to kiss you.“
She acknowledges my words with a nod, but she already knew the answer.
”But that doesn’t mean it’s all right for me to do it,“ I add.
Mia’s smile is as serene as the face of the Turning Angel. ”I’ve thought about it, too,“ she says. ”I thought about it during the drive out to Oakfield. And during the drive back.“
”I don’t know what to say.“
”Don’t say anything. Just kiss me.“
”I can’t do that.“
She smiles as though we share some intimate secret. ”Did you know that Humphrey Bogart married Lauren Bacall when she was twenty?“
”No.“
”He was forty-six. That’s more of an age difference than we have.“
”Not by much.“
She laughs softly. ”Just giving you a little history. I wasn’t saying we have to be together forever. You already have a life, and I’m going to Brown in the fall.“
Before I can speak again, she takes my other hand in her free one and squeezes. ”Look at me, Penn. Not your idea of me, but
I can’t obey her. Because to look into Mia’s eyes for too long would send me straight down the road Drew has already traveled. The reality of a stunningly beautiful and intelligent young woman explaining why it’s all right for you to make love to her is enough to make any male lose all capacity for rational thought. In my mind I hear Wade Anders telling me that the hardest thing he ever did was turn down the girls who’ve come on to him in his office. Those girls, I am certain, were not even in Mia’s league. But what refuses to leave my mind is the image of Drew and Kate making love before the camera. Mia viewed that photograph with me and felt no embarrassment at all. On the contrary, she wants to experience the same intensity she saw there with me. More than that, she’s telling me beforehand that I’ll have no obligation to her.
