“Adoption isn’t like that. There’s no
“I didn’t mean an actual living person. I meant more like the essence of the birth mother.”
“That doesn’t seem to bother the millions of other couples who adopt.”
“I don’t think other people are as in touch with that sort of thing as I am.”
“What sort of thing?”
“Feeling someone’s… presence.”
Jack knew that she was talking about her father, and he feared that Jessie’s death had triggered something. “Is that why you’re awake? Were you having that dream about your father again?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Come on, I didn’t want to make this conversation about that. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. This was a traumatic event for both of us. If you want to talk to me or someone else or even a counselor, it’s okay.”
She fell silent, then looked at him and said, “Actually, there’s something I’ve been wanting to show you.”
“What?”
“Wait right here.”
She rose and followed the dark hall to the spare bedroom that she’d turned into her temporary home office. In a minute she returned to the table and laid a ten-by-twelve photograph before him and said, “I shot a few rolls of film a couple weeks ago. Just a run-of-the-mill outdoor portrait of a little girl and her dog.”
Jack studied the photograph, shrugged, and said, “It’s a nice picture.”
“Look at the lower right-hand corner. See anything?”
He zeroed in. “Like what?”
“Does that not look like a shadow to you? As if someone might have been standing behind me?”
He looked again and said, “I don’t see any shadow.”
“You don’t
“The entire corner is a little darker than the rest of the photograph, but it doesn’t look like a person to me. Was someone there with you?”
“No. That’s the whole point. It was just me, the girl, and the dog. Yet I had a weird sensation that someone else was there during the shoot.”
“Cindy, please,” he said with concern.
“No, it’s true. Then I went back and took a really good look at the proofs, and I saw this.”
“Saw what?”
“This silhouette.”
“It’s just a dark spot.”
“It’s a
“Cindy-”
“Just listen to me. I’m not losing my mind. I thought I was, to be honest. Between my creepy dreams and this shadow in the photograph, I was starting to think-well, I didn’t know what to think. But ever since this thing happened with Jessie, it’s beginning to make sense to me.”
“What’s making sense?”
She paused, as if to underscore her words. “Maybe someone’s following me.”
“What?”
“Jessie told you that some thugs were behind that viatical investment. She said they were going to kill her, didn’t she?”
“Yes.”
“What if those same thugs think her lawyer helped her pull off the scam? They could be out to get you, too. They could be out to get
“No one’s going to get us.”
“Then why is this shadow in my picture?”
“I honestly don’t see it.”
Her eyes seemed to cloud over. She looked at the photograph, then at Jack. “You really don’t see anything?”
He shook his head. “If you want, we can hire another photographer to examine it. See if their professional judgment squares with yours.”
“No.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. You’re right. It’s not there.”
Jack recoiled, confused by her sudden reversal. “It’s not?”
She shook her head. “The first time I examined this proof, I was sure I saw a human shadow. Then I looked at it again tonight and I wasn’t so sure. You just confirmed it for me. I’m seeing things that aren’t even there.” She chuckled mirthlessly and said, “I really must be freaking out.”
“What happened to us is enough to push anyone to the edge.”
She moved closer, as if telling him to hold her. He took her in his arms and said, “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“You promise?”
“Everyone has fears. The imagination can run away with you.”
“Tell me about it.”
“It’ll pass. Believe me. We’ll be fine.”
“I know. Tonight’s just been especially tough. The whole day, really.”
“What happened?”
“It’s just that…”
“What?”
“After this horrible thing happened in our own house, I’d managed to convince myself that God had something really good in store for us. That’s why it hit me pretty hard today when I found out I wasn’t pregnant.”
“Good things
She smiled weakly.
“What?” he asked.
“An absurd image just flashed into my head. You sitting all by yourself in the back room of some doctor’s office, flipping through the pages of a dirty magazine…”
“It’s not like that at all.”
“Oh, really, stud? How do you think they collect their specimen?”
“I dunno. I just always assumed that’s why nurses wear rubber gloves.”
“Perv,” she said as she pushed him away playfully.
He pulled her back into his arms. “Come here, you.”
She settled into his embrace, put her head against his shoulder, and said, “A baby. What a thought.”
“
“You ready for this?”
“Heck, no. You?”
“Of course not.”
“Perfect,” he said. “Why should we be different from everyone else?”
She flashed a wan smile, her voice seeming to trail off in the distance. “If only we were just a little bit more like everyone else.”
Jack wasn’t sure how to answer that, so he kept holding her. After a minute or two, she started to rock gently in his arms. It was barely audible, but she was humming the lullaby, “Hush, Little Baby.” In his head Jack was following along and enjoying the melody, until she stopped suddenly in midverse. It was a cold and abrupt ending, like hopes and dreams interrupted. He waited for her to continue, but she didn’t.
They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms, saying not another word, neither of them wanting to be the first to
