Flood

“Before you actually get to see the board you have to see this guy we call the I.P.O., that’s Institutional Parole Officer. He does all the preliminary screening and most of us believed that the board would go with whatever he recommended. I went with Virgil to the interview and sat down at the desk right outside the I.P.O.’s office like I was the next case. It cost me twenty packs to get the seat but I wanted to make sure Virgil handled himself like we’d rehearsed. He did real fine, said everything I told him to say. But then the I.P.O. got to the crime itself. He asked Virgil flat out, ‘Why did you kill that man?’

“And Virgil just told him, ‘He needed killing.’

“That was it for the interview-it was over right then, you understand?”

Flood spoke for the first time. “I… think so. I don’t know.”

“Flood, how do you explain killing a cockroach? There’s some things that shouldn’t be on this planet, some things that are born to die, nothing else. Not everything fits in this life, baby, no matter what the ecology freaks say. Who needs rats? Who needs roaches? From the very second that two people sat together around a fire in the forest, there was another human out there who felt better in the dark. You understand? You’re trying to sort out Goldor in your head and it won’t work, right?”

“Yes.”

“And it never will, baby. You keep a clean house, right? You don’t sit around trying to figure out where dirt comes from-you just sweep it out of the way or vacuum it up or whatever you do. You just don’t want it in your house-you already know it’s no good for you. Goldor’s just dirt, Flood. Don’t make any more out of him.”

Flood looked up at me. She started to talk slowly, but then the words ran together and she was talking like she’d never stop. “In that room, where he took us. First I thought you were dead… I thought he’d killed you with that space-gun thing. But then I could see you breathe and I thought about that lipstick thing you showed me once and I was afraid you would kill him if he came near you again and I wanted him to tell me about Wilson and I thought I’d play along with him and then it got all crazy and I forgot why I was there and I knew what I was going to do-I knew I’d never find Wilson if I did and I couldn’t stop myself and I wished I could kill him some more, some more times, and I thought about the girl you told me about on that film-she was just as important as Flower and she had people who would kill Goldor if I didn’t and I knew he was going to die anyway and I wanted to keep him talking-I knew you would take the pain over in that chair and wait and I knew I could take whatever he had and I’d live through it too-I wanted him to keep talking so he’d tell me something and I thought about tying him up like he did to you and making him tell us and I couldn’t think of even touching him and then I…”

I was rubbing her face with the back of my hand and she was talking quietly and fast and the tears were rolling again. I talked softly to her, like a mother crooning her baby to sleep. “Flood, we will have him, baby, we have his face, we’ll have his body… Flood, listen to me, I understand now about the sacred weapon, I understand, okay? I know why you wanted to wear that ribbon. Lucecita knows, baby-just like Flower will know. I wanted to cancel Goldor’s ticket myself, even while I was strapped into that chair I was thinking that there must be a better way of killing him so it would mean more than just stepping on a roach. You did what was right…” I whispered, my voice trailing off as I patted her face, still wet with tears.

“The robes?” she asked, looking up at me.

“Yes, the black robes came from my brother, the one I told you about-the master. It was a message from him, from Max, to go and do your work. Your work with Goldor is over. Goldor’s over. Lucecita is smiling down at you now, like Flower and Sadie soon will…”

“Burke, if you do that for me, I swear I’ll never leave you.”

“We’ll do it-me for my reasons, you for yours. But you have to get past this, I can’t do it by myself.”

“I can’t seem to get back to myself,” she was sobbing again “-I’m trying…”

“I didn’t think you were a coward, Flood-I thought you were a for-real warrior. My brother thinks so too. If you can’t get back, if you left yourself in that room with Goldor, then he won. You want that? He was going to torture you for a few minutes to entertain himself. Does he get to torture you for the rest of your life? Reach down for something, damn it-and if it’s not there you just hide in this little house and I’ll go and do my work-”

“It’s not your work.”

“Yeah, it is. Dead meat brings flies. I stirred up too much already. Wilson has to go-if he’s here, sooner or later he comes for me, or he does something, I don’t know what. I put my money on the table and I paid to see the last card. You’re spitting on the only good thing in this life-we survived. We walked away from that maggot’s house. We’re alive and he’s not. And now you want to die inside so you’re not a woman anymore, not nothing. I’m not going to be nothing. When I check out of this fucking hotel it won’t be because I’m a volunteer-and you can bet your ass it won’t be with the bill paid in full either.”

Flood looked up at me, rolled over on her stomach with her head in my lap, hugging my legs hard. I patted her back, stroked her hair-waited for her decision. I’d said my piece with my mouth-but it was my mind screaming at her to stand up one more time. She muttered something, her mouth buried in my lap.

“What?”

“You’re not so tough,” said Flood.

On a new roll now, and not knowing how to handle that last, I weighed in with, “The winner is the guy who walks out of the ring, not the guy who won the most rounds.”

“Still on that endurance thing of yours?”

“It’s the best card I have to play.”

Flood turned her head slightly so she could see me out of the corner of one eye. I couldn’t see her face, but I felt her smile in my lap.

“Endurance means you can last a long time,” she said.

“So? I lasted this long…”

Flood turned her head back down, opened her mouth so I could feel her hot breath between my legs. She put her teeth around me and bit down-not hard enough to threaten amputation, but close enough. She kept her mouth on me until she was satisfied with her work, then she flowed up into that lotus position facing me. “Let me take a shower. Then I want to see just how good this famous endurance of yours is.”

She walked toward the bathroom, pulling the black robe from her shoulders as she did. I sat there and smoked another cigarette and felt the pain flow back into me and pulse around my mouth-and I knew she was going to stand up.

The shower stopped before I got through the next smoke, and a dripping wet Flood padded into the room, holding a towel partially around her waist. She smiled-it was a good smile this time-and crooked her finger at me in a come-over-here gesture and I stubbed out the cigarette and followed her back into her small space.

She dropped the towel and came to me, still damp and even more of a handful than usual. Her kiss was sweet and tender, sucking the pain from my mouth. She pushed the jacket off my shoulders and pulled the T-shirt over my head, unbuckled my pants, and knelt to take them off after my boots. I kissed her and rubbed her and her body began to glow in the early morning light.

She turned and walked over to the little table, bent over and thrust her backside into the air, looking at me over her shoulder-telling me she was finished with Goldor’s demons and she had herself back.

I climbed into her as she waited, carefully at first. But the woman warrior took my hands and put them on her breasts and rolled her hips until I was fitted to her. I took her soft neck gently in my teeth and tested my endurance.

43

IT WAS JUST past ten o’clock by the time I was ready to move out. Flood and I had been through what had to be done a few dozen times, and I could see she was finally ready to sleep. I told her I’d call when I had something and went out the door. I rang for the elevator, sent it back down to the ground floor, hit the switch to call it back to me. I stood there waiting, smoking another cigarette. When I finished I ground out the butt on the floor and slipped it into my pocket. Still dead quiet.

I took the stairs down and walked to the car-it looked different in daylight, streaked and dull like it needed a