Lance.”
“You had him snuffed?”
“Of course not; it was nothing to do with me. Well, not much to do with me.”
Dino shook his head. “Wherever you go, people drop dead, and women take off their underwear. I don’t know how you do either of those things.”
Holly returned to the table. “So, have you been talking about me in my absence?”
“No,” Dino and Stone said as one man.
“Well, that’s insulting. I thought you might have said something nice about my ass as I walked away.”
“It’s a very nice ass,” Dino said. “I mentioned that to Stone.”
“You did not.”
Stone turned to Holly. “He did not. I noticed, though. I just didn’t say anything.”
“Yeah, sure,” Holly replied. “What’s for dinner?”
“I’m having a spinach salad, chopped, and the spaghetti alla carbonara,” Stone said.
“Me, too.”
“All right,” Dino said, “I’ll join you. Why confuse the waiter by ordering something different?”
Frank appeared, and they ordered.
“I’m confused,” Frank said. “You all had the same drinks, and now you’re having the same dinner?”
“What’s confusing about that?” Dino asked.
Frank shook his head and walked away.
Stone’s cell phone vibrated, and he dug it out and flipped it open. “Hello?”
“Stone?”
“Yes, who’s this?”
“It’s Herbie Fisher! How are you?”
Stone groaned. “I’m in the middle of dinner, Herbie. Call me in the morning.”
“Isn’t this great? You’re representing me again!”
“No, it’s not great, Herbie, and my food is getting cold. Call me in the morning.”
“Do I take two aspirin?”
“What?”
“You know, take two aspirin and call me in the morning. Isn’t that what lawyers say?”
“That’s what doctors say, Herbie.”
“Whatever. So you’re going to make these charges go away?”
“I’m going to do the best I can for you, Herbie.”
“Lance said you were going to make them go away.”
“What did you do? What are the charges?”
“Wait a minute. I’ve got the ticket here somewhere.” There was the sound of papers rustling.
“That your new client?” Dino asked, smirking.
“Oh, shut up.”
“Why do I have to shut up?” Herbie asked.
“Not you, Herbie. Did you find the ticket?”
“Well, yeah, but you wanted me to shut up.”
“Herbie, I was talking to somebody else. I’m in a restaurant, having dinner with friends. Or, at least, I was, until you called.”
“Yeah, I got the ticket right here.”
“What does it say the charges are?”
“Let’s see: DUI, driving with a suspended license, and-you’re not going to believe this, Stone-resisting arrest with violence.”
“And why wouldn’t I believe that, Herbie?”
“You know me, Stone. I’m not a violent person.”
“What did you do to the cop, Herbie?”
“It’s kind of hazy. I’d had a couple beers.”
“Did the cop Breathalyze you?”
“Yeah.”
“What was the reading?”
“Two-point-oh.”
“Jesus, Herbie, that’s more than double the legal limit! Could you even walk?”
“Not good. Like I said, it’s all pretty hazy.”
“Why was your license suspended, Herbie?”
“Oh, I guess that was that other DUI.”
“You had a
“I don’t know, two, three weeks ago.”
“So you’ve had two DUIs in less than a month?”
“I guess.”
“What did the judge give you for the first one?”
“Community service and DUI school.”
“Have you performed any community service?”
“Not yet. I been pretty busy.”
“Did you attend DUI school?”
“Not all of it.”
“How many times did you go?”
“Uh, once.”
“It’s three classes, right?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“And you went to just one?”
“Stone, you have no idea how boring those classes are.”
“Herbie, you have no idea how boring it is in a cell on Rikers Island.”
“Well, you’re not going to let that happen, are you? Lance said you’d make it all go away.”
“Herbie, back to the resisting arrest with violence: What did you do to the cop?”
“Well, we argued a little.”
“That’s not violence. What did you do to him?”
“It’s all pretty hazy. I might have kicked him.”
“Oh, Jesus. Kicked him where?”
“Maybe in the balls.”
Stone made a whimpering noise. “I have to finish dinner, Herbie. Call me in the morning.”
“I have to be in court in the morning.”
“You mean there’s another charge?”
“No, it’s the same one.”
“And your court appearance is
“Yeah.”
“At what time?”
“Ten o’clock.”
“That’s just great, Herbie. I’ll meet you in the hallway outside the courtrooms at nine-thirty, and you’d better be there, sober and neatly dressed.”
“All right, I’ll be there,” Herbie said, sounding chastened.
Stone hung up.
“Where did Herbie kick the cop?” Dino asked.
“In the balls.”
Dino and Holly collapsed in laughter.
