Chapter Five
'Dear, you are a young woman. You have a dashing young man. Why don't you put your hair up in papers? It would do wonders for it.'
I ground my teeth and made note of Esme's EMF reading.
'And your clothes—really, I understand that they're comfortable, but you have your future to think of! What man will want to marry a woman who wears loose athletic trousers and baggy jumpers? You have a very nice figure, I'm sure. Don't be afraid to show it off!'
The point of my pencil broke against the notebook. I threw it away with a muttered snarl and reached for a pen.
'And your posture—I realize this is a different age than when I was a girl, but my mother would have swooned if she'd seen me slouching as you do. Shoulders back, child, back straight, head high. A lady never sits like a lump.'
The pen gouged a hole in the paper. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There were just a few more things to record; then I could send Esme on to her reward, leaving me in blissful quiet. Two hours of her nonstop, if well-meaning advice had just about worn my nerves raw.
'You know, I think if you tried a different sort of eyeliner, it might help tone down your eyes a wee bit. I realize there's nothing you can do with them, but you do want to maximize what you have, in a minimal sort of way, if you know what I mean. A lady doesn't look like a painted trollop; she just looks… enhanced. Subtlety is the key with cosmetics.'
I picked up my digital camera and switched the settings to manual. 'Could you hold… um… Mr. Woogums for a minute? I'd like to get a few pictures.'
'Photos! Why, of course, I'd be delighted. Come here, my little Woogy-woogy man.'
I focused, checked the flash settings (I'd found that flashes made ghosts all but invisible to the camera), and snapped a few shots.
'Now you must do one of my left side,' Esme said as she struck a dramatic pose in profile. 'I'm told it's my best side. You must cultivate your best side, dear. Always keep your man on that side, so he will have only the best of you to look at. And we must have a word about your eyebrows! Young ladies nowadays simply have no idea of the proper way to groom their eyebrows.'
'My eyebrows are just fine, thank you. Now how about a couple of shots of you next to the wall? I want to see if you show up better with a dark background.'
'Oh, I'm sure I do,' she said as she obligingly moved over to the wall, which was covered in dark blue silk. She struck a pose that reminded me of Hollywood starlets in the 1930s. 'And as for your eyebrows—tsk, dear, tsk! You cannot mean to have them looking like great hairy caterpillars clinging to your face. Eyebrows are meant to be delicate little swoops that draw attention to the eye.'
I looked at her over the top of the camera, one great hairy caterpillar cocked in question.
'Yes, well, perhaps your eyes demand an eyebrow with a bit more substance, but they do need help. Lots and lots of help.'
'Mmm. Just a couple more shots and then I think I'll be finished with you. I can Release you so you'll be free to move on to the next level of existence.'
She held her smile until I lowered the camera, then shook her head, fat iron-gray curls bobbing madly as she walked over to me. 'Oh, I couldn't do that, dear. I'm not ready to move on yet.'
I made a note of the conditions of the pictures, camera settings, and day and time, then tucked the camera away in the bag. 'Oh, right, you have some unfinished business. Well, I can't guarantee I can fix it, but I'll do my best. What do you need done?'
She smiled and reached out to pat my shoulder. My arm went numb. 'Why, it's you, dear. You are my unfinished business.'
I goggled at her. 'Me?' I squeaked. 'What do you mean, I'm your unfinished business? You didn't even know me until I Summoned you!'
Her curls bobbed as she nodded. 'Exactly. As soon as I saw you, I said to myself, 'Esme, that young woman needs your help. This is why you were meant to stay in this room all those years.' And I was right; you do need my help.'
I thought madly over everything I'd learned about Releasing a ghost. Was it possible to send one on if it didn't wish to go?
'Poop,' I snarled, knowing full well the answer was no. It wasn't possible to Release a ghost without its cooperation.
'Allie! Language! We are judged by the quality of our language. It behooves a lady to strip from her vocabulary any of those words deemed uncouth. Oaths are definitely a no-no. Gentlemen do not wish their wives to have a mouth like a sailor!'
I sat down in the chair with a half sob caught in my throat. 'Esme, I know you think I need your help, and I appreciate your kindness in giving me such—'
She tipped her head to the side. 'And what of Christian?'
I tried to smile, but was just too tired to make the muscles of my mouth work properly. The lightening of the perpetual gray outside indicated that dawn had come. 'Christian doesn't fit into my life picture. He's just an acquaintance. So you see, much as I'd like to keep you with me just for the pleasure of your company'—a little white lie never hurt anyone—'it would be greedy and selfish of me to keep you from the reward that waits for you.'
'Don't be ridiculous, dear. How could I enjoy myself without knowing you and that darling man have worked out your differences? No,' she said, settling down on the bed with the cat in her lap. 'I'll just stay with you until everything is set right; then you can send me on.'
'But, but…'
It was no use. I tried for an hour to get her to agree to a Release (assuming I could do it), but she remained adamant that she couldn't leave until she saw me happy. I explained three more times that my happiness was not tied up with Christian, but she countered every excellent point I made with criticism of my wardrobe, my hair, and everything else from my attitude toward men to the color of my socks.
By eight o'clock I was exhausted, worn out from lack of sleep and the energy needed not only to Summon Esme, but most draining, to listen to all of her advice.
I gathered up my jammies, told her I was taking a bath, and used the bathroom as a quiet zone, somewhere I could relax and not worry that my eyebrows or underwear or choice of sleeping apparel would be cause for comment.
It lasted all of two minutes.
'What a cozy little scene this is,' she said, drifting in through the closed door. 'I always did like this room; it has the best view of the park. The room proper, that is, not the WC. Dear, a word of advice—women who do not have large bosoms should never hunch their shoulders forward. It minimizes, and you want to maximize.'
I sank my minimized bosom below the water and considered continuing on until my head was under as well, but if I drowned in the tub, no doubt my spirit would be trapped with Esme's, and the thought of eternity with her raised goose bumps on my arms.
'Esme, I'm taking a bath,' I said finally, water lapping at my chin. I waved my sponge around. 'See? Water. Bubbles. Tub. Me.'
'Oh, don't mind me, dear; I'll just make myself comfortable over here. Now, what shall we talk about? Oooh, is this your cosmetics bag? Now, cosmetics I know. Just let me look at what you have. I can advise you as to what colors will look good with your skin tone and… erm… eyes.'
Just what I needed, a motherly ghost.
