Zen and the Art of Vampires

'I am not keeping a stable of lovers or husbands!' I said, desperately trying to get off the subject.

'You just took another husband,' Ulfur pointed out. 'I believe more than one would qualify as a stable.'

'Will you people just forget Mattias? He's not really important!' I said, wanting to scream and tear my hair out at the same time.

'Well, I think that Dark One of yours'll think he's important,' Agda said, nodding.

I opened my mouth to dispute that, allowed my mind to dwell on what Kristoff's reaction would be to the fact that I had taken another step toward gaining Zorya powers, and closed it again.

'Do you think so?' Ingveldur looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. 'Aye, I reckon you're right.'

I took a deep, deep breath, involving approximately half of the available oxygen in the room. 'Do you people want to go to Ostri?'

They all nodded, including Ragnar.

'Then you need to listen closely. I cannot take you there until I have undergone a ritual.'

'One involving your husband?' Ingveldur asked, a faint wrinkle on her forehead.

'Which husband? The Dark One or the one named Mattias?' Hallur asked, scratching his head. 'Who is the third man? Is he a husband, too?'

'Will you forget about my husband!'

'Which—' Hallur started to say.

'All of them!' I squawked. 'Just forget all of them! Forget they ever existed! This has nothing to do with any man in my life, whether or not I've slept with them!'

'Seems to me that you've slept with all the ones you have met,' Agda's voice said from behind the others.

'Argh!' I wanted to scream, and spent a moment looking for something to throw.

'She hasn't slept with me,' Ulfur said with a rakish grin.

'I'd rather sleep with Ragnar than you!' I growled, pushed beyond my endurance.

'Would you, now,' the stamina woman drawled, looking at the horse with speculation.

I swear to god that Ragnar winked at me.

I dropped down into the chair next to the carrel, my head in my hands as I tried to keep myself from screaming. Or sobbing. It was a toss-up which I'd go with.

'You're saying we have to wait here until you complete this ritual tonight before we can go to Ostri?' Marta's soft voice cut through the mental hysterical screaming that filled my mind.

'Yes. Thank you. A voice of sanity at last.' I took a couple more deep breaths, then rose and faced the maddening group of ghosts. 'You should know that there's a possibility that I won't be able to take you to Ostri. If that's so, I will find someone who can take you—you don't have to worry about that.'

'You won't be taking us?' Karl asked, his brow wrinkled. 'But why?'

'It's a bit complicated. It hinges really on whether or not my marriage to Kristoff is legal. If it is, then the one to Mattias isn't, and that means I'm still a Zorya-in-waiting. If it isn't, then I'll be a true Zorya, and I should be able to find Ostri for you. Either way, I want you all to know that I will make sure you're taken care of. I'm not going to abandon you until you've made it there.'

The ghosts looked as confused as I felt.

'Regardless of all that, you seem to be safe at the library, so I want you to stay here until I can finish the official Zorya recognition process, at which point we'll know the answer to the question about which marriage is valid. OK?'

'Oooh, look, it's the husband,' Dagrun called from where she was perched on another carrel.

'Which one?' Hallur asked, craning his neck. 'Oh. That one.'

Kristoff emerged from between two stacks, pausing for a moment with an odd expression on his face as he glanced around. 'Who are all these spirits?'

My eyebrows rose as I checked that none of them had slipped into solid form. 'You can see them?'

'Yes.' He frowned at them. 'How many have you collected?'

'Sixteen, counting Ragnar.'

Ragnar snuffled the back of Kristoff's head. The latter swatted him away. 'I've reached Alec. He will be here in a few minutes. He is not happy.'

'Welcome to my world,' I said, eyeing Kristoff. 'How come you can see my ghosts? You couldn't see them the other night, could you?'

'No,' he answered, doing a double take at Dagrun, who was openly leering at him. He looked back at me with one of his regulation frowns. 'Why are you keeping them here?'

'It's the safest spot we could find.'

'Safe from what?'

Ragnar snuffled Kristoff again. Kristoff turned around, glared at the horse, then made an elaborate gesture that had the horse opening its eyes wide for a moment before it disappeared.

'Holy… what did you just do?' I asked, taking a couple of steps forward to make sure Ragnar really was gone.

'The horse was annoying me.' Kristoff looked at Hallur, who was standing next to him, examining his clothing closely. The second Hallur realized he had gained Kristoff's attention, he gave an embarrassed smile and backed off quickly.

'I didn't think you had any powers. You said you didn't!'

'I said I didn't have any powers against mortals.' His lips tightened as he gazed at all the ghosts. 'I do have some against spirits.'

The group backed off as one body.

'But where did Ragnar go?' I asked, since I knew Ulfur was fond of the horse.

'Nowhere. I just dispersed his energy. As soon as he gathers it back up, he'll be back. But not, I trust, before we leave. Are you ready?'

'Yeah, I guess so. Does anyone have any questions?'

'I do,' Dagrun said, smiling with wicked intent at Kristoff. 'Does this husband know about your other husband?'

The floor dropped out from under my feet. Oh, not literally, but it sure felt that way. I stared with wide, blank, deer-caught-in-the-headlights-of-a-really-big-truck-driven-by-a-deer-hating-maniac eyes at Kristoff, who turned his head slowly to me.

'Other husband?' he asked. 'Were you married before?'

'Hush, child.' Ingveldur bustled over to Dagrun. 'That'll be enough from you.'

'Before? I'm talking about the husband she wed yesterday.' Dagrun snorted, evading her mother. 'You know, the reaper husband.'

'You married a reaper,' Kristoff said after a moment's pregnant silence during which my mind had come to a screeching halt. His voice was flat and emotionless.

'Who married a reaper? Ah, love, there you are. How I've missed seeing you. You are looking particularly lovely this morning, but that shouldn't surprise me in the least since you are the epitome of loveliness. Miss me?' Alec strolled out of the stacks looking just as handsome as ever, his long hair pulled back in a ponytail, his leather jacket slung casually over one shoulder. His eyes twinkled merrily at me as he took one of my hands and kissed my knuckles in a lingering manner that probably would have melted me at any other time.

As it was, I was feeling somewhat as if I'd been turned to stone. 'Um… yes,' I said, my gaze flickering between him and Kristoff, who oddly enough, also seemed to be sporting a stony appearance.

'That's the other Dark One she bedded?' Dagrun asked, moving around to get a better look at Alec before turning amazed eyes on me. 'This is so unfair! Why can't I be a Zorya?'

'Love? Is something the matter?' Alec asked, his smile slipping a smidgen.

'I have just been informed that the Zorya has wed the sacristan.' Kristoff finally spoke. His voice was flinty and remote.

'She has?' Alec frowned at me, then glanced around. 'Who informed you?'

'One of the spirits,' Kristoff said, waving toward Dagrun.