Kafka on the Shore

'Mr. Hoshino?'

'Yeah?'

'It's not just that I'm dumb. Nakata's empty inside. I finally understand that. Nakata's like a library without a single book. It wasn't always like that. I used to have books inside me. For a long time I couldn't remember, but now I can. I used to be normal, just like everybody else. But something happened and I ended up like a container with nothing inside.'

'Yeah, but if you look at it like that we're all pretty much empty, don't you think? You eat, take a dump, do your crummy job for your lousy pay, and get laid occasionally, if you're lucky. What else is there? Still, you know, interesting things do happen in life-like with us now. I'm not sure why. My grandpa used to say that things never work out like you think they will, but that's what makes life interesting, and that makes sense. If the Chunichi Dragons won every single game, who'd ever watch baseball?'

'You liked your grandfather a lot, didn't you?'

'Yeah, I did. If it hadn't been for him I don't know what would've happened to me. He made me feel like I should try and make something of myself. He made me feel-I don't know-connected. That's why I quit the motorcycle gang and joined the Self-Defense Force. Before I knew it, I wasn't getting in trouble anymore.'

'But you know, Mr. Hoshino, Nakata doesn't have anybody. Nothing. I'm not connected at all. I can't read. And my shadow's only half of what it should be.'

'Everybody has their shortcomings.'

'Mr. Hoshino?'

'Yeah?'

'If I'd been my normal self, I think I would've lived a very different kind of life. Like my two younger brothers. I would have gone to college, worked in a company, gotten married and had a family, driven a big car, played golf on my days off. But I wasn't normal, so that's why I'm the Nakata I am today. It's too late to do it over. I understand that. But still, even for a short time, I'd like to be a normal Nakata. Up until now there was never anything in particular I wanted to do. I always did what people told me as best I could. Maybe that just became a habit. But now I want to go back to being normal. I want to be a Nakata with his own ideas, his own meaning.'

Hoshino sighed. 'If that's what you want, then go for it. Not that I have a clue what a normal Nakata's like.'

'Nakata doesn't either.'

'I just hope it works out. I'll be praying for you-that you can be normal again.'

'Before I get back to being normal, though, there are some things I have to take care of.'

'Like what?'

'Like Johnnie Walker.'

'Johnnie Walker?' Hoshino said. 'Yeah, you mentioned that before. You mean the whisky guy?'

'Yes. I went to the police right away, and told them about him. I knew I had to report to the Governor, but they wouldn't listen. So I have to find a solution on my own. I have to take care of that before I can be a normal Nakata again. If that's possible.'

'I don't really get it, but I guess you're saying you need this stone to do whatever it is you need to do.'

'That's right. I have to get the other half of my shadow back.'

By this time the thunder was deafening. Lightning zigzagged across the sky, followed, a moment later, by the roar of thunder. The air shook, and the loose windowpanes rattled nervously. Dark clouds capped the whole sky, and it got so dark inside they could barely make out each other's faces. They left the light off, however. They were still seated as before, with the stone between them. The rain was lashing down so hard it felt suffocating just to look at it. Each flash of lightning lit up the room for an instant. They didn't say anything for a while.

'Okay, but why do you have to have anything to do with this stone, Mr. Nakata?' Hoshino asked when the thunder had died down a bit. 'Why does it have to be you?'

'Because I'm the one who's gone in and come out again.'

'I don't follow you.'

'I left here once, and came back again. It happened when Japan was in a big war. The lid came open, and I left here. By chance I came back. That's why I'm not normal, and my shadow's only half of what it was. But then I could talk with cats, though I can't do it well anymore. I can also make things fall from the sky.'

'Like those leeches?'

'Yes.'

'A pretty unique talent, that's for sure.'

'That's right, not everybody can do it.'

'And that's because you went out and came back again? I guess you really are pretty extraordinary.'

'After I came back I wasn't normal anymore. I couldn't read. And I've never touched a woman.'

'That's hard to believe.'

'Mr. Hoshino?'

'Yeah?'

'I'm scared. As I told you, I'm completely empty. Do you know what it means to be completely empty?'

Hoshino shook his head. 'I guess not.'

'Being empty is like a vacant house. An unlocked, vacant house. Anybody can come in, anytime they want. That's what scares me the most. I can make things rain from the sky, but most of the time I don't have any idea what I'm going to make rain next. If it were ten thousand knives, or a huge bomb, or poison gas-I don't know what I'd do… I could say I'm sorry to everybody, but that wouldn't be enough.'

'You got that right,' Hoshino said. 'Just apologizing wouldn't cut it. Leeches are bad enough, but those things are even worse.'

'Johnnie Walker went inside Nakata. He made me do things I didn't want to. Johnnie Walker used me, but I didn't have the strength to fight it. Because I don't have anything inside me.'

'Which explains why you want to go back to being a normal Nakata. One with substance?'

'That's exactly right. I'm not very bright, but I could build furniture, and I did it day after day. I liked making things-desks, chairs, chests. It's nice to make things with nice shapes. Those years I made furniture, I never thought about wanting to be normal again. And there wasn't anyone I knew who tried to get inside me. Nakata never felt afraid of anything. But after meeting Johnnie Walker I got very afraid.'

'So what did this Johnnie Walker make you do after he got inside you?'

A loud rumble ripped through the sky, and the lightning was close by, by the sound of it. Hoshino's eardrums were stinging from the roar.

Nakata inclined his head slightly to one side, listening carefully, slowly rubbing the surface of the stone all the while. 'He made me shed blood.'

'Blood?'

'Yes, but it didn't stick to Nakata's hands.'

Hoshino pondered this for a while, puzzled. 'Anyway, once you open the entrance stone, all sorts of things will naturally settle back where they're meant to be, right? Like water flowing from high places to low places?'

Nakata considered this. 'It might not be that easy. Nakata's job is to find the entrance stone, and open it. What happens after that, I'm afraid I don't know.'

'Okay, but why's the stone in Shikoku?'

'The stone is everywhere. Not just in Shikoku. And it doesn't have to be a stone.'

'I don't get it… If it's everywhere, then you could've done all this back home in Nakano. That would've saved a lot of time and effort.'

Nakata rubbed a palm over his close-cropped hair. 'That's a hard question. I've been listening to the stone for a while now but can't understand it all that well yet. But I do think both of us had to come here. We had to cross a big bridge. It wouldn't have worked in Nakano Ward.'

'Can I ask you something else?'

'Yes.'

'If you do open the entrance stone here, is something amazing going to happen? Like is what's-his-name, that genie, going to pop out like in Aladdin? Or a prince that's been turned into a frog will French-kiss me? Or else we'll be eaten alive by Martians?'