Tokushima on a Saturday on the bus from Kobe, then Nakata slept till Monday. On Monday we left Tokushima for Takamatsu, Thursday was all that ruckus with the stone and thunder, and that afternoon he went to sleep. So skip ahead one night and that would make today… Friday. It's like the old guy came to Shikoku to attend some Sleep Festival or something.
Like the night before, Hoshino took a bath, watched TV for a while, then climbed into his futon. Nakata was still breathing peacefully, sound asleep. Whatever, Hoshino thought. Just go with the flow. Let him sleep as much as he wants. No need to worry about that. And he himself fell asleep, at ten-thirty.
At five the next morning the cell phone in his bag went off, jolting him awake. Nakata was still out like a light.
Hoshino reached for the phone. 'Hello.'
'Mr. Hoshino!' A man's voice.
'Colonel Sanders?' Hoshino said, recognizing the voice.
'The very one. How's it hanging, sport?'
'Fine, I guess… But how'd you get this number? I didn't give it to you, and the phone's been turned off all this time so those clowns from work won't bother me. So how could you call me? You're kind of freaking me out here.'
'It's like I told you, I'm neither a god nor a Buddha, not a human being. I'm something else again-a concept. So making your phone ring is a cinch. Piece of cake. Whether it's turned on or not makes not one jot of difference, my friend. Don't let every little thing get to you, okay? I could've run over and been right there beside you when you woke up, but I figured that'd be a bit of a shock.'
'You bet it would.'
'Which explains the phone call. I'm a well-mannered person, after all.'
'I appreciate it,' Hoshino said. 'So anyway, what're we supposed to do with the stone? Nakata and I managed to flip it over so that entrance thing opened up. Lightning was flashing like crazy outside, and the stone weighed a ton. Oh, that's right-I haven't told you about Nakata yet. He's the guy I'm traveling with.'
'I know all about Mr. Nakata,' Colonel Sanders said. 'No need to explain.'
'You know about him?' Hoshino said. 'Okay… Anyhow, Nakata went into hibernation after that, and the stone's still here. Don't you think we should get it back to the shrine? We might be cursed for taking it without permission.'
'You never give up, do you? How many times did I tell you there's no curse?' Colonel Sanders said disgustedly. 'Keep the stone there for the time being. You opened it up, and eventually you'll have to close it again. Then you can take it back. But it's not time for that yet. Get it? We okay here?'
'Yeah, I get it,' Hoshino said. 'Things that are open have to be shut. Things you have, you gotta return the way they were. All right already! Anyhow, I've decided not to think about things so much. I'll go along with whatever you want, no matter how crazy it sounds. I had a kind of revelation last night. Taking crazy things seriously is-a serious waste of time.'
'A very wise conclusion. There's that saying, 'Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.''
'I like that.'
'Very suggestive, don't you think?'
'Have you heard the saying 'Sheepish butlers' surgical bottle battles'?'
'What on earth is that supposed to mean?'
'It's a tongue-twister. I made it up.'
'Your point being?'
'No point, really. I just felt like saying it.'
'Can the stupid comments, all right? I don't have much patience with inanity. You'll drive me nuts if you keep it up.'
'Sorry,' Hoshino said. 'But why'd you call me, anyway? You must have had a reason to call so early.'
'That's right. It completely slipped my mind,' Colonel Sanders said. 'Here's the thing-I want you to leave that inn right this minute. No time to eat breakfast. Just wake up Mr. Nakata, grab the stone, and get out. Get a cab, but don't have the inn call one for you. Go out to the main street and flag one down. Then give the driver this address. Do you have something to write with?'
'Yep, just a sec,' Hoshino replied, grabbing a pen and his notebook from his bag. 'Broom and dustpan, check.'
'Enough with the stupid jokes already!' Colonel Sanders yelled into the phone. 'I'm serious here. Not a minute to lose.'
'Okay, okay. Go ahead.'
Colonel Sanders recited the address and Hoshino wrote it down, repeating it to make sure he got it right: 'Apartment 308, Takamatsu Park Heights 16-15, 3-chome. Is that it?'
'That's fine,' Colonel Sanders replied. 'You'll find the key under a black umbrella stand at the front door. Unlock the door and go inside. You can stay there as long as you like. There's a stock of food and things, so you won't have to go out for the time being.'
'That's your place?'
'It is indeed. I don't own it, though. It's rented. So make yourself at home. I got the place for you two.'
'Colonel?'
'Yeah?'
'You told me you're not a god, or a Buddha, or a human being, correct?'
'Correct.'
'So I'm assuming you're not of this world.'
'You got it.'
'Then how could you rent an apartment? You're not human, so you don't have all the papers and stuff you need, right? A family register, local registration, proof of income, official stamp and seal and all that. If you don't have those, nobody's gonna rent you a place. Did you cheat or something? Like change a leaf by magic into an official stamp? Enough underhanded stuff's gone on already, I don't want to get mixed up in any more.'
'You just don't get it, do you?' Colonel Sanders said, clicking his tongue. 'You are one major dimwit. Is your brain made out of jello, you spineless twit? A leaf? What do you think I am, one of those magical raccoons? I'm a concept, get it? Con-cept! Concepts and raccoons aren't exactly the same, now are they? What a dumb thing to say… Do you really think I went over to the real estate agent's, filled out all the forms, bargained with them to lower the rent? Ridiculous! I have a secretary take care of temporal things. My secretary gets all the necessary documents and things together. What do you expect?'
'Ah-so you have a secretary!'
'Damn right I do! Who do you think I am, anyway? You're way out of line. I'm a busy man, so why shouldn't I have a secretary?'
'All right, all right-don't blow a gasket. I was just pulling your leg. Anyway, why do we have to leave so fast? Can't we at least have a bite before we go? I'm starved, and Mr. Nakata's out like a light. I couldn't wake him up no matter how hard I try.'
'Listen up. This is no joke. The police are scouring the town for you. First thing this morning, they've been making the rounds of hotels and inns, questioning everyone. They've already got a description of both of you. So once they start nosing around it's only a matter of time. The two of you stand out, let's face it. There's not a moment to lose.'
'The cops?' Hoshino shouted. 'Gimme a break! We haven't done anything wrong. Sure, I ripped off a few motorcycles back in high school. Just joyriding-it wasn't like I was gonna sell them or anything. I always took them back. Never done anything illegal since. Taking that stone from the shrine is about the worst thing I've done. And you told me to.'
'This has nothing to do with the stone,' Colonel Sanders said flatly. 'You're a real dunce sometimes. Forget the stone. The police don't know anything about it, and wouldn't give a damn if they did. They're not going to be up at the crack of dawn beating down doors over some stone. We're talking about something much more serious.'
'What do you mean?'
'The police are after Mr. Nakata because of it.'
