Prelude To A Certain Midnight

‘There’s no need to say clues in that tone of voice!’

‘Well, if you want my advice — drop it, Asta. You can’t do any good, and you’re almost certain to make a silly of yourself again — the same as you did that time when you got mixed up about that business of cruelty to a horse; when you had the terrible quarrel with Aunt Elizabeth because she said we ought to get two doctors to have you certified. No, please, please, Asta darling, don’t fly into one of your rages — they terrify me out of my wits. Who are you going to invite to your party?’

‘I’ll tell you later.’

That evening, after Thea Olivia had bathed and rested and bathed again and eaten — with the ethereal look of someone whom two spoonfuls of soup will choke — as much solid food as would satisfy a hungry farmer’s boy, she sipped a cup of coffee and a glass of anisette while Asta, consulting a foolscap sheet blackened with wild scrawls and agonized doodles, told her whom she proposed to invite to her party.

23

‘Tot, if I didn’t know that you were as secretive as the grave, I shouldn’t have breathed a word about all this,’ said Asta. ‘But I know you. You’re sweet and kind and co-operative, and you won’t breathe a word to a soul.’

‘I won’t, Asta dear, if only because I’m awfully afraid you’re going to make a silly of yourself again over this.’

‘Whatever else you were, you never were a sneak, Tot; that much I will say for you. A sly little — however, you could always be trusted with a secret; I can say that, at least. You like keeping secrets!’ cried Asta, in a rage. ‘God knows what secrets you keep!’

‘I won’t if you don’t want me to.’

‘Look here, Tot, are you going to start all that over again? Are you looking for a quarrel?’

‘Dear Asta! Do go on.’

Asta composed herself and continued: ‘Well, all right. Party. You know Mr Pink, you know Tom Beano, you know Peewee. You’ve met Doctor Schiff.’

‘I’ve met him, yes.’

‘And what’s the matter with him?’

‘Nothing, nothing, Asta darling; nothing.’

‘For God’s sake, Tot, control your vicious tongue! You know Mrs Dory, Catchy Dory? Girl with beautiful figure? No? You’ll like her… . Sir Storrington Thirst?’

‘No, I don’t know him.’

Asta would have said to anyone else that Sir Storrington was a wide flat man shaped like a bed-bug, who crept into the cracks of conversation and crawled out between rounds of drinks. She said, simply: ‘A baronet. You’ve heard of Cigarctte?’

‘The woman who was mixed up with that burglar?’

‘Was it her fault, poor girl? She isn’t the first girl to be misled by a crook, and mark my words, she won’t be the last. She’s coming, anyway. Have you met Tobit Osbert?’

‘Not that I remember, Asta.’

‘A critic.’

‘Dramatic?’

‘I forget. It doesn’t matter. A critic. He’s coming. Detective-Inspector Turpin, of course, you haven’t met. A charming man — I wish I was a man: I’d be a detective. Oh, and you won’t know the fellow they call “Shocket the Bloodsucker”.’

‘_They_, Asta?’

‘Boxers. Shocket’s a fight promoter.’

‘I don’t think I quite understand, Asta darling.’

‘He promotes boxing-matches. Don’t you understand? He’ll come. But I’ll have to invite Titch Whitbread — Shocket the Bloodsucker won’t move an inch without Titch just now. And Titch wouldn’t come unless I invited Cigarette, because he’s keen on her. Then there’s Sean Mac Gabhann.’

‘Pardon, dear?’

‘Scan Mac Gabhann — an Irishman. Sean Mac Gabhann is Irish for John Smith: he comes from Cumberland.’

‘What does he do?’

‘He’s an Irishman. Then there’s Ovid Moffitt, the poet, and Dawn Knight, the actress. Inga Baizac, George Cheese, and Beeps Wilking —’

‘Pardon, dear? Beeps, did you say? Male or female?’

‘Male,’ said Asta, impatiently.

‘But why “Beeps”?’

How could Asta explain that Wilking, when drunk, liked to sound the hooters of parked cars, crying ‘_Beep- beep-beep_’? She brushed the question aside.

‘Who else, Asta sweetheart?’

‘I have Monty Bar-Kochba —’