I resisted aristocracy jokes.
“It sounds unhealthy,” I told him.
“But it exists. My mother has a girl who does the garden. The garden girl’s husband drives fish from Lang Suan to Surat. The owner of one of the restaurants he delivers to has a daughter who works on the Dairy Queen stand in front of Home Art Mega Store. I’ve had her observe the manager for me. Collect gossip from staff, that sort of thing.”
“That doesn’t sound particularly ethical.”
“Everybody wants to be police. I’m just letting them live out their fantasy. And my Dairy Queen police lady reported to me this morning that she’d observed a woman with a bad haircut accompanied by the Incredible Hulk go into the manager’s office yesterday afternoon and stay there for a very long time. She even took a picture on her cell phone. Technology continues to astound and frighten…You’re looking particularly depressed. Can I help?”
“She said I have a bad haircut?”
“Surat isn’t ready for the accidental-razor-attack look. It’s really you. Don’t let it ruin your life. She works in Dairy Queen, God bless her.”
“But how the hell did you find out about the manager?” My voice had climbed into the soprano loft.
“I’m a policeman,” he said with a straight face, and there was no evidence to the contrary. Lieutenant Chompu really was a policeman. You couldn’t let those minute traces of nail polish fool you. He knew his job. We made a deal. I’d tell him all about our interview with
“Well done,” he said. “No, really. Very well done.”
“You understand it does rely on my instincts,” I told him.
“No problem. Your instincts are super. But that does leave us at a nasty dead end as far as our VW goes.”
“Not really. At least we know the couple in the VW weren’t just innocent tourists. They were involved in a criminal act. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did something to piss off old Auntie Chainawat and she got revenge on them.”
“I don’t th — ”
“In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if she wasn’t masterminding the whole carnapping caper and I bet she had a whole network of poor but dishonest couples out scamming rental companies. They’d drive the stolen vehicles to her place and she’d traffic them on to Malaysia or over to Cambodia or she’d break them down for parts.”
“But presumably not bury them underground.”
“What? All right. That doesn’t make sense, but — ”
“I’m losing faith in your instincts.”
“No, keep listening. One couple screws her out of some money so she makes an example of them. Lets all the other gang members know that insubordination won’t be tolerated. She gathers her people around her at the fish pond, slowly lowers the VW into the water. The doors taped shut. Everybody gets the point. She values loyalty. They walk away like relatives after a funeral.”
“One or two bubbles rise from the pond,” said Chompu, dramatically, “then it is still. A lone white tern takes off and we follow it out to sea. It would make a stunning final scene for the movie version. I see Meryl Streep as the Godmother. They can do wonders with make-up now.”
“It’s a hypothesis. You have to start with a hypothesis.”
“What did that poor little old lady do to you?”
“She glared at my running shoes disrespectfully.”
“Oh, well. That’s it then. Send in the SWAT team.”
“OK, your turn.”
“Do I have to?”
“It’s a deal.”
“Very well. The lab at the barracks in Prajuab is stiflingly hot and showed distinct lack of artistic input in the decoration. The lighting was abysmal. They had our two skeletons side by side on one trestle table. It was quite sweet. I wanted to interlock their fingers but I was watched all the time. I wasn’t convinced they’d got the puzzle exactly right. We’d sent the couple mingled so I wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d just thrown them together, first come first served. One of the technicians kept referring to a textbook, for goodness’ sake. He was pretending to educate me as to this or that phenomenon but I got the feeling he was checking his own work. They couldn’t tell me a thing about the cause of demise apart from the fact that they weren’t chainsawed, axed or machine-gunned to death. Nor were there any arrows or spears sticking out of them. Nor were they the victims of explosions or bone- eating diseases. But, in fairness, they were certain these two hadn’t died of old age. The textbook confirmed for me that they were quite young, early twenties.”
“So, in summary, it was a complete waste of a drive.”
“Not at all.”
“How so?”
“I was on my way out through security and this swarthy, top-heavy army captain came running after me. I assumed he was taken by my good looks and wanted my telephone number, but he had a large manila folder in his hand and he asked me, ‘Are you the lieutenant from Lang Suan’ My reputation had preceded me. I smiled and said ‘Yes’. Then he handed me the envelope and asked me to drop it off to Major General Suvit. I did my terribly formal salute for him and he didn’t know whether to nod or wag his tail so he saluted back and turned on his heel and fled. Not for the first time in my life, I didn’t realize exactly what a prize I held in my hand. I assumed it wasn’t terribly important because it wasn’t sealed, just tied with one of those string thingies.”
“But even with the pressure of such a temptation, you didn’t take a peek?”
“Of course I did. I mean, he didn’t make me swear not to look, did he? And it didn’t say, ‘For the eyes of Major General Suvit only’ And, knowing the military, it might have contained something illicit. It was my duty to look. And what do you think it contained?”
“I give up.”
“I’ll give you a clue or two: knife, blood, abbot…Oh, come on, you must have it by now.”
“I thought they’d sent the body to Bangkok.”
“It appears the legal system in the capital is busy at the moment so they rerouted Abbot Winai to Prajuab.”
I scraped my chair close and he winced at the noise.
“All right. What did they find?” I whispered.
“I’m not sure I can tell you.”
“You’d sooner face the embarrassment of being beaten up by a girl?”
“That was threatening behavior toward a police officer. I could arrest you for that.”
“Chompu?”
“All right, but this really is not for publication. Thirteen stab wounds, no less. Seven were postmortem.”
“No!”
“All stomach and groin. Long, very sharp knife. Blade about thirty centimeters.” I knew that. I’d seen it. “Perpetrator probably shorter than the victim, left handed, no defense wounds so the abbot was, no doubt, taken by surprise.” I knew that, too. Shock, more like it. Completely bemused, but, as I recalled it then, not fearful. Just a look of resignation. And I doubted the killer was left handed. He just needed his right hand free to take pictures. “Victim otherwise in good shape. Died from exsanguination. No other marks on the body.”
“What do you make of it?” I asked him.
“From what little I know of the case I’d say the killer wanted to make a point. The first two wounds would have done the job so this was a statement. ‘Look what I’ve done.’ There was something bottled up inside the killer that needed to be let out. There’s madness there.”
“Do you think another abbot could have done it?”
“No.”
His answer was crisp and definite.
“Then why do you think the head of
