but he knew he was lying to both of them. ‘Oh, hell, maybe I was.’
Hannah was quiet. ‘The truth?’
‘Sure.’
‘I was a little scared of letting you back in.’
He thought that he might as well say it. It was as good a time as any. ‘You cut my heart out when you left, Hannah. I’ve been dead ever since.’
His ex-wife closed her eyes. She started to speak, and then she stopped. When she opened her eyes again, she brushed away tears. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s been three years, but it still hurts to think that you stopped loving me.’
Hannah looked genuinely upset to hear him say those words. ‘Chris, that is not true. That was never true.’
‘Then why?’
She put her glass down and swung sideways on the chair. She leaned forward, her hands lightly on his thigh. ‘I wanted something else out of life. I wanted
‘What is this?’ he asked, because he really didn’t know.
‘This is a place where I matter.’
‘You mattered to me.’
‘I know you think so, but I’d become an afterthought to you. Olivia, too. You thought you were working for us, but you were working for yourself. It’s not sports or sex for men like you. It’s the code. Accomplishment. Success. Duty.’
‘Those are bad things?’
‘If you forget why you’re doing it, yes.’ She went to the edge of the porch, where she gripped the railing. The town of St. Croix was framed behind her in the dotted lights of the houses. ‘Do you know why I love being here? It’s not because it’s an easier way of life. It’s harder. It takes more self-reliance. There’s no safety net. But you know what, Chris? We’ve got our priorities straight. Relationships matter here. God matters. Time matters. I’m not just a mouse running in a Habitrail.’
‘Is that how you felt with me?’ he asked. ‘Really?’
She didn’t look at him. ‘Sometimes.’
‘You know that’s the last thing I ever wanted.’
Hannah turned around. He realized they were both older; they’d both walked through fire and learned that burn marks don’t heal. They just toughen into scars, like permanent reminders. ‘I don’t blame you, Chris. If anything, I blame myself for what happened between us. Here I am, talking about relationships, and I walked away from the one that meant the most to me. I’m not proud of that. I’ve obviously screwed up with Olivia, too.’
‘Not true.’
‘I can’t get her to open up to me. I’ve watched her drift further and further away. Now look at where she is. She’s sixteen, and her life may be over.’
She was giving him a chance to move to safer ground, and he took it. It was easier to talk about Olivia than to reopen the locked room where they kept their pasts. ‘Her life isn’t over, but I can’t help her unless I know what she’s hiding.’
‘You’re looking at the wrong woman. I’m the last person she’d tell if she had secrets.’
‘Then who?’
Hannah shook her head sadly. ‘I don’t know. She’s a closed book.’
‘Tanya Swenson said there was something personal going on between Ashlynn and Olivia. Do you know what it could be?’
‘I don’t.’
‘Did Olivia ever talk about Ashlynn?’
‘Not in front of me. Not unless it was about Mondamin.’
Chris was frustrated. ‘Something strange was going on with Ashlynn, too,’ he said. ‘She was missing for three days before Friday. Either Florian didn’t know why, or he was covering for her.’
Hannah turned away.
‘What is it?’ Chris asked.
‘Nothing.’
Chris pushed himself out of the chair. On the street, he saw the retired policeman climb out of his Thunderbird. The man checked the gun in his shoulder holster and wandered onto the lawn to patrol the perimeter of the house. He was built like the trunk of an oak tree, weathered and tough. Chris nodded at him, and he waited silently while the ex-cop disappeared between the rear of the house and the bank of the river.
‘What’s going on, Hannah?’ he repeated. ‘I don’t need you keeping secrets from me, too.’
‘Please, Chris, I can’t talk about this.’
‘Do you not understand what’s happening here? Olivia is facing first-degree murder charges.’
‘Believe me, I understand.’
‘Then talk to me.’
‘I’m telling you, I have no idea what Tanya meant. As far as I know, Olivia thought Ashlynn was the enemy. There was no relationship between them.’
‘You know something,’ Chris persisted. ‘What secret could possibly be so important when Olivia’s life is at stake?’
Hannah folded her arms together and breathed heavily. She looked to be in physical pain, and maybe she was. Maybe it was the cancer. He softened and put a hand on her shoulder. ‘Are you all right?’
She spoke so quietly that he could barely hear her. ‘When a girl comes to me, I take an oath to uphold her privacy.’
‘When a girl comes to you? What are you talking about?’ Then he understood. ‘Oh, son of a bitch. Ashlynn.’
Hannah said nothing.
‘Ashlynn came to you at the Center, didn’t she? What was happening to her?’
‘I can’t say anything.’
‘Hannah, please,’ Chris pressed her. ‘Whatever was going on in her life, it could be the reason she was killed.’
‘I won’t betray her trust.’
‘You’re betraying her trust by staying silent,’ Chris insisted. ‘Ashlynn has no privacy anymore. She’s dead. Someone shot her in the head. She’s been cut up by a pathologist. They put her on a slab for an autopsy. She has no secrets.’
‘An autopsy?’
‘Of course.’
Hannah cupped her hands in front of her mouth. ‘They know.’
‘Know what?’
He waited for her to answer, but as the question hung in the air, he realized he already knew the truth. Three days. She’d been gone for three days. Alone. Depressed. He thought about what Maxine Valma had said.
Because she was pregnant. And because she’d made the decision not to be pregnant anymore.
‘Where did you send her?’ he asked softly.
Hannah stared at him, stricken. He saw in her face what it was like to be in her office every day. To hear the stories. To feel the pain. ‘There’s a doctor I know in Nebraska,’ she said.
‘She’s discreet and professional. Ashlynn didn’t want her parents to know about it. She didn’t want to go to court to get permission.’
‘Who’s the doctor?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t say. She’s operating outside the law, ignoring parental notifications. She could be in mortal danger if people knew what she was doing. If they make her stop, some desperate girls will have no options. I won’t allow it.’
