‘What really happened between you and Ashlynn that night?’
Olivia lay back in bed. She didn’t flinch. Her eyes drifted to the ceiling, and he could see her mind retreating. Remembering. She was standing in the mud of the park, alone in the ghost town with Ashlynn. Her anger was raging. The gun was in her hand.
One.
Two.
Three.
The count went on in Olivia’s head – four, five, six, seven – but she couldn’t pull the trigger. It was like jumping from a bridge, where there was no going back once your feet left the ground. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go that far. She cursed under her breath and took a step backward. The gun felt like a foreign thing, ugly, heavy, and unwanted. She spread her fingers and let it drop to the wet ground.
Ashlynn opened her eyes. Fear became confusion, then relief. ‘Thank you,’ she murmured.
Olivia didn’t want to look at Ashlynn. Seeing her perfect face brought back all of the envy, all of the loss. It was no mystery why Johan had chosen her. Who wouldn’t? The blond cheerleader over the nerdy brunette. The full, ripe breasts over the little-boy chest. The curves instead of skin and bones.
‘You were with him tonight, weren’t you?’ Olivia asked. ‘Don’t lie to me.’
‘No, I wasn’t. Honestly.’
Olivia didn’t know whether to believe her, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t change anything.
‘I know you think I took him away from you,’ Ashlynn went on, ‘but I didn’t. Really. I would never have let anything happen between us while the two of you were involved.’
‘You think that helps?’
‘I guess not.’
‘I hate you both,’ Olivia snapped.
‘I’m sorry you feel that way, Olivia. I know I can’t change it, but I’m sorry.’
‘I don’t want your sympathy. I lost Kimberly, and I lost Johan. You don’t know what it feels like.’
‘I’ve lost something even worse.’
‘Like what?’
‘It doesn’t matter. It’s my problem, not yours.’
‘I’m leaving,’ Olivia said.
‘Please, wait. At least give me a ride home, okay? We don’t have to talk. Just drop me off.’
It was the right thing to do. Olivia knew that. She thought about saying yes, but some favors went too far. Taking Ashlynn in her car. Chauffeuring her to the house where her father lived. Pretending that her own hurt meant nothing. ‘No,’ she said.
Ashlynn’s voice cracked with despair. ‘Olivia, please, I need help tonight. It’s hard to explain, but I really need your help.’
‘I can’t do it,’ she said.
She turned on her heel and walked away, then stopped in frustration. She knew she was being mean to leave her alone. ‘I’ll tell Johan you’re here. He’ll come get you.’
‘No! Don’t do that!’
‘Why not?’
‘I can’t see him.’ Ashlynn took a step toward Olivia, then grimaced and sat down on the swing. ‘I broke up with Johan a month ago. I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.’
‘I don’t believe you. He never said a word.’
‘It’s true.’
‘Why did you do that?’
‘It’s complicated,’ she said. ‘Please.’
Olivia wanted to believe her, but it was too easy to read the truth in her face. Ashlynn couldn’t hide how she felt.
‘You’re a liar,’ she said. ‘You still love him.’
Olivia stalked away without looking back. When she reached the street, she ran for her car, which was parked in a corn field south of town. She left the gun where it was. She left Ashlynn alone.
‘We all make choices we’d like to take back, Olivia,’ Chris murmured.
‘I know. I was drunk, I was mad at her, I was mad at myself. If I’d just driven her home, she’d be alive.’
He had nothing to say, because he couldn’t make this better for her. When she was younger, he’d been able to fix the things that were broken in her life. Not now. Not anymore.
‘What happened next?’ he asked.
‘I went home.’
‘Did you go see Johan?’
Olivia shook her head. Her hair fell across her face. ‘Not right away. I went to bed, but I was too upset to sleep. I thought about driving back there to get her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.’
Chris waited.
‘Tanya called me,’ she went on. ‘She was all freaked out, shouting at me, wanting to know what happened. I told her that Ashlynn was fine. She went on and on, shouldn’t we tell someone, shouldn’t we go back and help her. So I got dressed and went to the church, and I told Johan what happened.’
‘What did he say?’
‘He was angry with me for leaving her there.’
‘Did you ask him about the break-up?’
‘Sure.’
‘Did he say it was true? Did he say Ashlynn ended their relationship?’
‘Yeah, but I could see it in his face, just like hers. They still loved each other.’
‘Why did Ashlynn break it off?’
‘He didn’t know. He looked crushed.’
‘Do you think he could have killed her?’
‘He loved her,’ she said with teary eyes. ‘More than he ever loved me. I can’t imagine him killing her. It makes no sense.’
‘What if she did something he could never forgive?’ Chris asked.
‘Like what? I don’t get it.’
Chris watched her face, but she was genuinely at a loss. She didn’t know. ‘Ashlynn was coming home from having an abortion,’ he told her. ‘I think the baby was Johan’s.’
Olivia turned ghostly pale. Her lower lip trembled, and her eyes grew huge. ‘I can’t believe Ashlynn would do that. She was super-religious.’
‘She came to Hannah,’ Chris said.
‘She didn’t want her parents to know. She didn’t want Johan to know, either.’
‘Oh my God, I left her there. I just left her there. What did I do, Dad?’
‘You had no way of knowing.’
‘She needed help, and I walked away.’
‘Olivia.’ Chris grabbed her hand and cupped her chin with his other palm. ‘Listen to me. This is not your fault. You didn’t do this.’
He wished he could lift the guilt from her shoulders, wished he could change the past. Some mistakes couldn’t be corrected; they could only be endured.
‘I need to know something,’ he went on. ‘Did Johan give you any indication at all that he knew Ashlynn was pregnant?’
She shook her head mutely.
‘What would he have done if she told him, Olivia? What if he knew she’d ended it? Could he have been
