have heard me out before you try to speak to your husband. I’m telling you his secret for a reason, Drewe. Much more in your life is about to be clarified.”
“Get out, Harper!” Drewe cries suddenly. “Go!”
I’m not sure whether she’s acting or not, but I’m not about to leave.
“He is with you?”Berkmann asks.
“He’s gone now. What is this secret?”
“You promise to remain on-line?”
“Yes.”
“Harper is the father of your sister’s child. Holly is her name, I believe?”
Drewe doesn’t respond.
“Are you there, Drewe?”
“That’s crazy.”
“No. Already your skin is cold with fear. That instinctive fear proves the truth of my words.”
“No!”
“Picture Holly’s face. I have seen that face. She’s paler than Erin was. Beautiful, yes, but her face is broader, her eyes not as large. She is bigger-boned. You know whose genes those are.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Never fight truth, Drewe. You must always embrace it, even if it burns.”
“I’m not afraid of truth.”
“Good. Good. For this is a difficult one.”
“You haven’t given me any proof. You’re just trying to upset me. You want to get at Harper by hurting me.”
“Listen to me, Drewe. Two minutes from now you will hope never to see that pathetic liar again.”
“I’m listening.”
She turns to me again. There is fear in her eyes now. As I signal her to press the space bar, she turns back to the screen and Berkmann goes on.
“These word are your husband’s. Listen and judge. ‘She used her mouth for that, and her hands. She knew before I did where I was, you know? And when I started to finish, she didn’t pull away. She just…. Afterward, she stood up and hugged me again. She didn’t speak, but I saw she somehow knew her sister didn’t complete that act in the way she just had….’ ”
I feel as though someone has caved in my stomach with a two-by-four. Lenz lied to me. He did tape our sessions, probably on the little Olympus recorder I saw later. And those tapes were part of the “case materials” Kali stole from his study the night she killed his wife.
“ ‘I thought of Drewe then,’ ”Berkmann recites,“ ‘but she seemed removed from all this, wholly apart from it. It was as if Erin and I were meeting in some place where Drewe didn’t exist….’ ”
All I can see from where I am standing is the back of Drewe’s head, her damp hair falling over the white robe. She sits as motionless as if she were listening to a sermon. I pray she will think Berkmann is making all this up, but the rough blade of reality cuts through with every line. Consumed by impotent rage, I dial Miles’s cellular.
“Are they going in yet?”
“SWAT’s not even here, man. Take it easy.”
“Take it easy! He’s tearing her up inside!”
“I’m sorry. I know firsthand, remember? Help her through it. She’s got to keep him on. Unless you can do it.”
I disconnect as Berkmann quotes me relentlessly:“ ‘She’d risen up and was mouthing “Is that Drewe?” while Drewe said something about a pulmonary embolism. I don’t remember what I said to get off the phone, but I knew I had failed Drewe in a time of emotional crisis. What I do remember clearly is what Erin said the moment I hung up. She said, “How are we going to tell her?” ’ ”
As Berkmann spoke, I circled to my left, trying to see Drewe’s face. I wish I hadn’t. Tears are streaming down her cheeks, dropping onto the bosom of the robe. Unable to endure any more, I move forward and lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.
She jerks away like I touched her with a cattle prod.
“Are you there, Drewe?”
“Yes,” she says in a cracked voice.
I HATE this motherfucker.
“Can you tell where and when this happened?”
“Chicago.”
“Yes. But it had been building for a long time. Because Erin worshiped you, and you loved Harper, how could she not do the same? She was a confused girl. Harper exploited her misguided affections. He used them to seduce her, to debase her, sodomize her, because only by so doing could he express his self-hatred. Yes, self-hatred. You loved him out of naivete. You did not see his fear. But in his pygmy soul he always knew he was unworthy of you, that you would one day learn his true character. He has dreaded that day-today-for his entire life.”
“Why are you doing this?” Drewe asks, her voice shaky. “Telling me all this?”
“To free you.”
“What?”
“You’re on the verge of a great awakening, Drewe.”
“I don’t understand.”
“But I do. I know you, Drewe. Better than you know yourself. You must be honest with me. Utterly without pretense.”
“I’m always honest.”
“That statement is itself dishonest. You must strip away ALL pretense. Our time is limited.”
“Why is our time limited? You have to be somewhere?”
“There are… external concerns.”
I feel a sudden shiver. Is Berkmann aware of the approaching SWAT team? Suddenly, the phone rings in my hand.
“New York SWAT just pulled up!” Miles says, his voice barely under control. “Two vans. We’re a block away from Berkmann’s building. Baxter’s touching down on the roof of a bank south of here. NYPD’s bringing him to the scene in an unmarked car.”
“How long till he gets there?”
“I don’t know. How’s Drewe doing?”
“It’s not pleasant.”
“Hang on just a little longer.”
“Berkmann seems to be feeling some time pressure, Miles. Maybe you’d better warn those SWAT guys, just in case he knows something.”
“Okay. Let’s keep the line open from now on.”
“I’m here.”
“I’ve had to develop a sort of shell lately,” Drewe is saying, “to deal with certain things in my life.”
“Just so,”says Berkmann.“But you can shed that as easily as a serpent sheds its skin. You will be reborn. Even now I am scratching away the husk. Tell me, why do you have no children, Drewe?”
She doesn’t answer at first. Then, “We just haven’t had any yet.”
“You’re thirty-three years old. How can you suppress that urge? That silent cramping pulse that beats within your womb like a voice murmuring, Time is passing, Time is passing?”
“I feel that. But this is the real world. There are… external concerns, like you said.”
