up and laughed, and the kid from the top bunk came down. He was really timid at first, really gentle, but then he started thrashing and moaning. It took him like a minute and a half to finish. And by the time he did, I noticed the first guy was gone and there were two other guys standing by the door.
MAXWELL› Inside the room?
LILITH› Yes. The door was half open. And I don’t know why, but I just sat up and said, Who’s next? And they practically fought each other right there. It was like wild animals or something. After that it was all sort of a blur.
MAXWELL› Nine men in a row?
LILITH› Does this turn you on or something?
MAXWELL› It saddens me, Lilith.
LILITH› It shouldn’t. Don’t you understand what I told you? It’s what finally _liberated_ me.
MAXWELL› I don’t believe that.
LILITH› Because you don’t understand it. All these guys, these boys whose whole lives were wrapped up in their egos and the size of their penises, this macho thing, every one of them was the same. You see? They all wanted the same thing, me, and none was any better than the others, or any worse, and I could take whatever they dished out and reduce them to nothing. They came in like lions and went out like lambs.
MAXWELL› You’re not telling the complete truth, Lilith. I _know_ it was degrading. Did they stand around watching each other do it to you?
LILITH› I wouldn’t allow that. One at a time.
MAXWELL› Was the room dark or light?
LILITH› Dark.
MAXWELL› Did they all have you the same way? Missionary position?
LILITH› A couple tried to turn me over, but I knew better.
MAXWELL› How long did each one last?
LILITH› Why do you want to dwell on this stuff?
MAXWELL› Lilith.
LILITH› Some lasted a few minutes, others fifteen seconds. Most around two minutes, I guess.
MAXWELL› So it was just twenty minutes out of your life. No big deal. That’s what you’re telling me?
LILITH› No! I’m telling you it _was_ a big deal. But not in the way you think. After it happened, I no longer felt that stupid sense of obligation to satisfy whoever happened to want me. A guy has an erection, so what. That’s his problem. When I was younger I didn’t understand that. It may sound naive, but I didn’t.
There is a sudden silence. I wait with my hands gripping the arms of my chair. Where is Lenz getting this stuff? Despite my assertions to the contrary with Miles, I’m having a hard time remembering that “Lilith” is a middle-aged psychiatrist sitting in McLean, Virginia. The “female” voice synthesized by the computer probably contributes to the illusion, but Lenz’s nightmarish story is freighted with the pain of real experience. As I begin to worry that he has somehow blown it, “Maxwell’s” voice and text resume.
MAXWELL› You say you didn’t know any of these men?
LILITH› I knew the first guy. He was the guy who asked me to the party. My date. Hah.
MAXWELL› I think you knew someone else at the party, Lilith.
LILITH› Like who?
MAXWELL› A former lover?
Another caesura, then:
MAXWELL› Lilith?
LILITH› I’m here.
MAXWELL› I think you let these men have sex with you not to liberate yourself but to hurt someone else.
LILITH› You don’t understand anything.
MAXWELL› Be honest. Only truth can free you.
LILITH› You think you’re pretty damned smart, don’t you?
MAXWELL› I see what is. I sense pain.
LILITH› Yes, he was there.
MAXWELL› A former lover?
LILITH› Yes.
MAXWELL› He’d thrown you away for someone else?
LILITH› Yes.
MAXWELL› Was this someone else at the party too?
LILITH› No.
MAXWELL› Did this young man learn what you were doing upstairs? That you were servicing his friends?
LILITH› Yes.
MAXWELL› Did he come upstairs?
The longest silence yet kicks up my pulse rate. But finally “Lilith” responds.
LILITH› Yes. Someone pushed him into the room. They were yelling at him. Telling him to take a turn.
MAXWELL› Did he?
LILITH› No.
MAXWELL› What did he do?
LILITH› He started crying.
MAXWELL› Really.
LILITH› Yes.
MAXWELL› And?
LILITH› I told him if he wanted me, he’d have to wait in line.
MAXWELL› Someone was fucking you while you said this?
LILITH› Yes.
MAXWELL› What happened then?
LILITH› He tried to stop it.
MAXWELL› Did it stop?
LILITH› No. They beat him up and threw him out.
MAXWELL› How did you feel after that? After he left?
LILITH› I wanted it to stop then. I wanted to go after him.
MAXWELL› To explain? To tell him how badly he’d hurt you?
LILITH› Yes. And how I’d wanted to hurt him back, so he’d understand what he’d done to me.
MAXWELL› Did it stop?
LILITH› No.
MAXWELL› Why not?
LILITH› I was trapped.
MAXWELL› By your own perversity.
LILITH› I guess. I don’t like to think about that part of it.
MAXWELL› The door to the room was open, wasn’t it?
LILITH› Yes.
MAXWELL› People were watching.
LILITH› Yes.
MAXWELL› How many, Lilith?
