ERIN› I’m pragmatic about that kind of thing. I figure when my time’s up, there’s nothing I can do about it anyway. Until then, enjoy.
MAXWELL› You believe in predestination?
ERIN› No. Fate.
MAXWELL› What’s the difference?
ERIN› Not sure. Maybe it’s one of degree. With predestination, everything’s laid out from square one. With fate, those ladies are up there weaving, but you have a certain amount of power to tangle the threads.
MAXWELL› Yes? And death?
ERIN› Well, I mean, you have some power to tangle, but the _length_ of the thread is predetermined from the start.
MAXWELL› How interesting. You know mythology?
ERIN› A nodding acquaintance. You?
MAXWELL› All life is myth, when viewed from the proper perspective.
ERIN› Whatever you say. You’re supposed to be the genius.
MAXWELL› Please forget that. A little fillip of ego. In our last conversation you spoke of having no inhibitions. As though you have no shame.
ERIN› I have shame.
MAXWELL› Of what act in your life are you most ashamed?
Deja vu prickled across my neck and arms. For a moment I saw Arthur Lenz sitting at his computer in Virginia, pretending to be “Maxwell” as easily as he pretended to be “Lilith.” Then I remembered that Lenz had used the same shrink routine on Brahma. Brahma could merely be echoing the psychiatrist’s questions with me, consciously or not. Maybe Lenz provoked more of a response in him than I thought.
ERIN› Would you answer the same question coming from me?
MAXWELL› Yes. I have never committed an act for which I felt regret. All life is exploration, thus all acts are justified.
ERIN› I don’t agree with that.
MAXWELL› Ah. You believe in sin?
ERIN› I don’t know about that. But there are certainly wrong choices.
MAXWELL› No, only poor choices. And only from a given perspective.
ERIN› But isn’t the idea of sin one of the oldest creations of mankind? It was there in Greek mythology just as much as in the Bible.
MAXWELL› You answered your own question! Sin is a creation of man’s intellect. A Herculean effort to explain the eternal condition of sorrow in which he has found himself from the dawn of time. Look at Oedipus. The poor lad did all he could to avoid sin, yet ended up killing his father and sleeping with his mother. Murder and incest, all to illustrate the inevitability of man’s fate. The same with Job. Nothing was his fault. It was God having a wager with Satan.
ERIN› No mortal act deserves punishment?
MAXWELL› That’s a different question. Sin occurs in relation to God, not man. Look at Prometheus. He ridiculed the gods and their power, and he acted accordingly. He stole divine fire and gave it to man as a gift. He sinned against the gods, but blessed man forever.
ERIN› And look what happened to him. Chained to a rock with his liver eaten by eagles for thirty years. And the liver grew back each night.
MAXWELL› A nodding acquaintance, indeed! But remember, after paying that price, Prometheus was taken up to Olympus, where he resided forever among the gods.
ERIN› Does that have something to do with why you use the name Prometheus?
MAXWELL› Just so. Heroic men must often endure a period of suffering or darkness before their work is recognized.
ERIN› You sound bitter.
MAXWELL› I’m tired of dealing with squalid little souls. I yearn for a society of Ahabs but inhabit a world of Walter Mittys.
ERIN› Now you sound like some kind of superrace nut.
MAXWELL› I have my moments. Do you know Nietzsche’s quote about society? A people is a detour of Nature to get six or seven great men.
ERIN› Yes, but that’s not the whole quote. The rest is, Yes, and then to get around them. Or something like that.
MAXWELL› You amaze me.
ERIN› Sometimes I amaze myself. I suppose you’re one of the six or seven?
MAXWELL› Only time will tell.
ERIN› I suppose women don’t fit into that equation of greatness?
MAXWELL› Of course they do. Women are the gateway of the Absolute. From an evolutionary perspective, as critical as the male. They provide half the genetic code.
ERIN› What do you mean, the gateway of the Absolute?
MAXWELL› You have a child. A son, I believe. Did you deliver vaginally?
ERIN› Yes.
MAXWELL› Did you not feel, when your cervix dilated and the cramps exploded in your belly and your anal sphincter let go and the pain was like a scaly hand ripping you apart that you had been possessed- hijacked, if you will-by something infinitely larger than yourself?
ERIN› Don’t remind me. But the answer is yes. It was like… I don’t know.
MAXWELL› That was LIFE, Erin. LIFE seizing every cell in your body and bending you to its single- purposed will. LIFE is violent and uncontrollable and indescribably beautiful. Don’t you sometimes walk naked into the nurturing sun and scream I AM ALIVE?
ERIN› I’m not usually that demonstrative about it.
MAXWELL› You should be. LIFE IS EVERYTHING.
ERIN› You don’t believe in an afterlife?
MAXWELL› You do?
ERIN› No. I told you about the thread, remember? When the thread runs out, it’s over. I just wanted to know what you thought.
MAXWELL› For a moment I thought we had gone as far as we could go.
ERIN› Are you married?
MAXWELL› No.
ERIN› Ever been?
MAXWELL› No.
ERIN› How old are you?
MAXWELL› How old would you guess?
ERIN› If you’ve really never been married, you must be young. Or gay.
MAXWELL› I am not _gay_. I defy Nature in far more profound ways than that. How old a man are you looking for?
ERIN› Age doesn’t matter.
MAXWELL› Not in the man, you are right. But the woman must be of childbearing age.
ERIN› You’re a real sexist, aren’t you?
MAXWELL› A Darwinian sexist, perhaps. What do you visualize happening with this man you seek? You already have a son. Do you see yourself abandoning him for this man?
ERIN› I don’t want to talk about that.
MAXWELL› Your family?
ERIN› My son. I don’t mind talking about my husband.
MAXWELL› Why the selective affection?
ERIN› It’s something to do with what we discussed before.
