The Minotauress

'It's a bunch of ghetto home-boy horse-shit, sounds worse than a busted chainsaw. Christ, the idiots just pick any word that rhymes.'

'To the contrary, A.T. Rap and Hip-Hop is the Shakespeare of the modern African-American culture. It's the poetry of their times, their language of art. Listen.'

Hoiter switched it back on. 'Zippadee motherfuckin' doo-dah, zippadee motherfuckin' yay. My oh my what a motherfuckin' wonderful day—yo white bitch!'

Lass snatched the Walkman away, shut it off. 'Quit fuckin' around! What's that on the punk's chest? Gunshot wounds?'

Hoiter leaned over with the flashlight and pulled up the decedent's T-shirt past his nipples. Indeed, two marks were present, two holes spaced a foot apart.

'See? What the fuck is that?' Lass questioned. 'Somebody shoot the punk with a couple of deer-slugs?'

'I know what it is,' Hoiter replied in a darkened tone. 'Ain't no deer-slugs, A.T. This boy's been gored.'

'Gored?'

'That's right, boss. Gored. As in by a bull.'

CHAPTER FIVE

The scream shrilled through the house, but not a scream of horror or pain. A scream of outrage. Then the voice cracked and boomed like cannon-fire. 'DEAN! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW!'

Dean climbed off the couch, where'd he'd slept instead of the bed, and headed for the bedroom, scratching his balls through his shorts. 'What?' he said.

Daphne, having just placed her Samsonites on the bed, twirled. Her face was beet-red. 'That's TOBACCO JUICE on the floor, isn't it?'

Dean glanced at the long shit-colored stain in the beige carpet. 'Yeah,' he said. 'That's tobacco juice, all right.'

'You reckless inconsiderate REDNECK!' Daphne wailed in her smart Givenchy off-shoulder organdy dress. 'You SPIT on the floor!'

'Yup.'

'That's it! The more I try, the worse you get! I want a divorce!'

'You got it,' Dean agreed, still scratching his balls. 'How about a quick blow-job before we sign the papers?'

Enraged, she picked up her carry-on bag and threw it at him. Dean ducked, and it sailed overhead.

'That was a mistake,' he calmly informed her.

He broke the bedside lamp over her head, wrapped its cord around her neck and, by the cord, dragged her out of the room. Her ass thunked down the stairs. She gagged, kicking as he dragged her further into the dining room. The dining room was perfect—the big bay window. Then he grabbed her not by the hair but by the face, and propped her up in front of the multiple panes.

'Have your lawyer give me a call,' he suggested and punched her in the face so hard she flew back as if jerked by a towline. The bay window exploded and out Daphne went, landing on her back in the front yard amongst flecks of broken glass.

Dean scratched his balls again, and loped for the kitchen—

—and shifted and jigged and jagged and—

'Oh no,' Dean croaked.

There he stood, in the bedroom, as Daphne, in the same Givenchy off-shoulder organdy, railed at the all- too-obvious evidence of tobacco juice on the carpet.

Her face burned at him, a rigid mask of contempt. 'I KNOW what that is on the floor! And you WILL clean it up!' Daphne's bellow threatened to beat plaster-dust from the ceiling. 'You'll shampoo this rug, TODAY!'

'But-but-but, honey? It's Sunday. There's no place open where I can rent a carpet cleaner—'

'You'll do it by HAND, on your KNEES!' came her next bellow. 'Jesus CHRIST, Dean! The harder I work, the lazier you get! That convention in Vegas was HARD work! And for the whole time you're sitting here on your ass drinking with that dingleberry Ajax and SPITTING on the FLOOR!'

'Honey, please—'

'Shut up, you redneck slob. Christ, all I've done for you, and this is how you repay me? You're not back at the ranch anymore, shoveling cow shit and hosing down the stalls! We're in the CITY now, we're CITY PEOPLE! And you better start acting like it!'

Dean stood slack as a Gumby doll. 'I'm sorry, honey. I don't know what came over me. I—'

'Shut up!' she repeated. 'Get out of my sight! And start getting this SHIT-HOLE cleaned up! Oh, and you were supposed to roll up that GODDAMN hose in the front yard a fucking WEEK ago! So roll it up so I don't have to TRIP over it anymore!'

'Yes, honey, I'm sorry, honey,' Dean blathered and backed out of the bedroom. He wasn't scratching his balls now; in fact, at this precise moment, he felt like he didn't have any balls at all. Daphne might as well have been wearing them for earrings.

What the hell happened? he thought in the utmost distress. His brain felt like overcooked meatloaf. Did I really spit chaw on the rug?

Yes. He remembered that much, at least. Last night Ajax had come over. They'd gotten ‘faced. Ajax had taken the late 194 home, leaving Dean to chug whiskey and pass out on the couch.

But I didn't really spit on the rug, did I?

The answer was plain, unless Santa Claus had been in here last night six months early with a lip full of Skoal.

Oh, man. What's happening to me?

All too suddenly, Ajax' unconvincing psycho-babble didn't sound quite so unconvincing any more.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm really two people, divided between my ideals. Maybe I really do