Blood Loss

Taber heard Melissa answer. ‘I did what I thought was right,’ she said.

TJ was sobbing. ‘Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to lie the whole time? Do you have any idea?’

Taber’s heart pounded. This wasn’t just teenage drama. TJ sounded traumatized.

‘Yes, I have an idea!’ said Melissa. She was crying too. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I lied too, TJ. And it wasn’t right, but … I thought it was. I swear to God, I thought it was.’

Taber was rooted to the spot. Lied about what?

‘Are you telling me the truth now?’ said TJ.

‘What do you mean?’ said Melissa.

‘Are you?’ said TJ.

‘I don’t know what you mean …’ Her voice was shaking.

Taber could hear something hit the floor. He realized then that he could see his ex-wife and son in the reflection of the open glass door. Melissa bent down to pick up what TJ had thrown at her. It was a bottle of pills.

‘Oh, God,’ she said. ‘Where did you get these?’

‘You can’t even remember where you hid them?’ said TJ.

‘Stop, TJ, please. I told you-’

‘You did what you thought was right,’ he said. ‘I get it.’

‘Please,’ said Melissa, ‘don’t be mad.’

‘Mad?’ said TJ. ‘Mad? You think I’m just mad? Are you for real?’

‘You were depressed!’ said Melissa.

‘I was nine years old!’ said TJ. ‘My parents were divorcing! I was upset. My dad was gone.’

Taber thought about it: Nine years old. When TJ was nine … when TJ was nine … Melissa tried to kill herself. TJ had found his mother covered in blood. He had called 911. Taber had heard the recording, TJ’s desperate voice. ‘I … my … mother is shot. My mother is shot. She-’ They asked for his details, and he sobbed as he gave their name and address. They asked again what had happened. He had covered the phone, then spoken again ‘ … self-infected. She’s self-infected.’ The operator had said, ‘Son, do you mean self- inflicted?’ ‘Yes,’ Melissa had said in the background. ‘Yes,’ TJ had said.

And the ambulance had been sent, and the wound was superficial, and lucky for Melissa Grace, and for all the family, her suicide attempt had been a failed one.

And here they all were, six years later. Taber tuned back into the conversation.

‘Did dad know about these?’ said TJ, grabbing back the bottle of pills.

Taber Grace could feel his stomach churn. He barely realized he had moved until he was standing in the kitchen in front of them.

TJ jumped. Melissa cried out.

‘Please tell me what’s going on,’ said Taber.

They both stared at him.

‘Someone, please tell me,’ said Taber.

‘Oh, God,’ said Melissa.

‘We’re all going to sit down,’ said Taber. ‘And you’re both going to tell me what this is all about.’ He reached out to TJ. ‘Hand me those,’ he said.

TJ handed him the bottle of pills. Taber read the label. It was a six-year-old prescription.

CERXUS. Melissa Grace. Take One Tablet By Mouth Twice Daily.

‘How do I know the name Cerxus?’ said Taber. He opened the pills and shook them into his hand. They were bright yellow and stamped with a C.

‘These are … what the hell?’ said Taber. ‘These are … TJ’s Vitamin C? When he used to stay with me, and you gave me that little plastic Monday Tuesday Wednesday pill box, you told me not to forget to give him his Vitamin C. It was this? What, exactly, is Cerxus?’ He turned to Melissa. ‘What is it? What was I giving to him?’

‘It’s … it’s an antidepressant,’ said Melissa. Tears streamed down her face.

‘What?’ said Taber. ‘An antidepressant? I said no to that-’

‘You wanted to change his diet,’ said Melissa, ‘get him into sports more, but I was the one who was going to have to do all that. I was going to have to be the one to make all these healthy meals, to fight with him every mealtime, say no when he wanted to watch television … I’d have to drive him to all his sports. I just didn’t have the time.’

‘You didn’t have the time?’ said Taber. ‘So you gave him drugs? Were you out of your mind?’

‘Yes!’ said Melissa. ‘I was! I had lost my husband! I was suddenly a single mom-’

‘Single mom!’ said Taber. ‘I’ve been in TJ’s life more than any other divorced father I know.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Melissa. ‘I know … It seems crazy to

me now. But … I … I thought I was doing the right thing.’

‘By giving him drugs meant for adults?’ said Taber. ‘I cannot believe-’

‘They were being prescribed to children-’

‘Were they even approved for that?’ said Taber.

Melissa paused. ‘No … not officially, but doctors were giving them to lots of kids. I talked to other moms …’

‘Oh, Jesus,’ said Taber. ‘Now I know how I know the name Cerxus. It was taken off the market. There was something about the side effects in kids-’

‘No, it wasn’t,’ said Melissa. ‘It wasn’t. It’s still on the market. But-’

‘There was a TV special too, wasn’t there?’ said Taber. ‘Something about withdrawal symptoms-’

‘But-’

‘You better tell me the whole truth here,’ said Taber. ‘So help me God.’

‘There were side effects … with Cerxus … with children,’ said Melissa. ‘It made them … it gave them suicidal thoughts. And could … it could cause psychotic episodes.’

‘Psychotic episodes?’ said Taber. ‘Psychotic episodes.’ He turned slowly to TJ. Nine years old. Melissa’s suicide attempt. The 911 call.

‘Oh, TJ …’ said Taber. ‘TJ …’

‘Yeah, it was me,’ said TJ, jumping to his feet. ‘I shot her.’ He stabbed a finger toward Melissa. ‘It wasn’t her, she wasn’t trying to kill herself. It was me. I found your gun. I don’t even know what happened. All I remember is being really angry. Mom told me what to say to the paramedics, she told me over and over …’

‘And I got the same story,’ said Taber. He turned to Melissa. ‘You told him to tell his own father the same story. Jesus Christ, Melissa. What did I ever do to-’ He broke down.

‘You would have gone crazy-’ said Melissa.

‘I’m suddenly a monster, now?’ said Taber. ‘You think you could not have come to me with that?’

‘Of course not,’ said Melissa. ‘I … I knew there would be no way back. I knew that-’

‘All I do every day,’ said Taber, ‘is deal with liars. People who hide things. People who deny things, and screw people’s lives up. And my job is to find out all their little secrets. That’s my job. And for six years, my wife and son have been lying to me. Right under my nose. I cannot believe this.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Melissa. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘And whatever about you,’ said Taber, ‘you made TJ bury all that, have that rotting away inside him — what? For the rest of his life? How could you put him through that?’

‘I didn’t want TJ being branded as some psychopath,’ said Melissa, ‘or having some record because of it. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought he was young, he was confused as it was, and I thought that his memory would fade.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ said Taber.

‘I was not in a good place,’ said Melissa. ‘I can see that now, but at the time, I thought this was the only way out of a terrible situation. I was in shock. I was trying to think quickly, and … I guess once I started lying, there was no going back.’

‘I can’t …’ said Taber. He stood up. ‘I can’t talk to you right now.’