Blood Loss

‘Or did I just think I was crazy about him?’ said Ren. ‘Because I couldn’t have him — he was a safe person to love.’

‘Unlike all those unsafe people …’

‘Yeah, but love really is shit,’ said Ren. ‘You’ve got to admit. So, someone who wasn’t going to love me back … that was quite appealing.’

‘That’s the spirit,’ said Janine.

‘It is, though. I’m sick of it.’

‘Dare I ask — what about Ben?’ said Janine.

‘I love Ben!’ said Ren. ‘They’re both so different …’

‘And …’ said Janine.

‘There’s a lot to be said for an untroubled man.’

‘That would be Ben,’ said Janine.

‘Yes — Ben just fails to see a problem with anything. You could tell him your deepest darkest fear, and he would listen, say sweet things, but not psychoanalyze you, like an older man would. It’s very refreshing.’

‘OK,’ said Janine. ‘My opinion? Don’t kid yourself on the following: psychoanalyzing is not a younger man/older man thing. It’s on a man-by-man basis. And Ben is not that young. I think that because he looks so young-’

‘He does,’ said Ren. ‘Sometimes I feel like those high-school teachers who get arrested for sleeping with their students. .’

Janine laughed. ‘As I was saying, you associate him with youth, light-heartedness, and a time when you didn’t have a worry in the world. That really appeals to you. You see him as someone who has not really been damaged by the world like you have. Which is a really attractive trait in anyone. Paul Louderback, however, is a grown-up. Which scares the crap out of you. You run from the grown-ups. You run from the ones who try to get inside your head. And-’ said Janine, Ren could see her raising her finger, ‘don’t say it. Don’t. Do not make some joke about Ben only wanting to get inside your pants-’

Ren paused. ‘I can hear you rolling your eyes.’

‘Must get eyeballs tightened in socket,’ said Janine. ‘Ren, let’s try this — who do you want to be with — Ben or Paul?’

‘Baul.’

‘OK, let’s try maturity first,’ said Janine. ‘Then, answer the question: old, married dude. Or young, hot dude.’

‘Paul’s hot too. And he’s not … really … married.’

‘OK,’ said Janine, ‘old, hot, not-really-married dude. Young, hot, single dude. You’re the only one who can make that decision.’

‘Sentence least likely to inspire …’ said Ren.

‘That’s your problem,’ said Janine.

‘That and your unhelpfulness,’ said Ren.

‘Neither is your answer, then. You want to be with neither man.’

‘Because that’s an option,’ said Ren.

‘It is an option,’ said Janine.

‘I don’t like people who suggest being alone as an option.’

‘And therein lies the problem,’ said Janine.

‘Leave me alone,’ said Ren.

‘That’s a start.’

Janine had kindly not asked what happened after the horror-movie scene in the restaurant foyer.

God bless you, Janine, for not making me have to say I’m a whore out loud. For not having to say I’ve been up all night again. And for not knowing I’m bipolar, so I don’t have to deal with another concerned tone.

Ren walked into the Sheriff’s Office reception area. Gary Dettling was standing by the front desk. When he turned toward her, she could see, behind him, the familiar figure of Ben Rader.

Oh. Dear. God.

Stop appearing from behind my boss.

‘Hello,’ said Ren.

‘Ren, you remember Ben Rader,’ said Gary.

In all kinds of ways. ‘Yes, nice to see you again.’ Your timing will keep me in guilt-ridden thoughts for months.

‘Hi, Ren,’ said Ben. Then his big smile.

Mental picture: double-date: me, Ben, Gary and his wife. And Jesus Christ.

‘I thought you’d gone back to Denver, Gary,’ said Ren.

‘Change of plan,’ said Gary. ‘Shelby Royce’s funeral was yesterday — it’s still going to be quite raw for the kids. They’ll be out tonight — it’s Saturday night — partying, drinking …’

‘And I’ll swoop in and prey on their vulnerability,’ said Ben.

‘Sounds like a plan,’ said Ren. Gary’s unorthodox plan. There’s a reason he shouldn’t do unorthodox.

She couldn’t take her eyes off Ben, standing there with his black hair gelled messy, his flawless skin, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

Effortlessly cool. Even for an eighteen-year-old …

‘But, hey,’ said Ren, ‘what if no-one invites you to party?’

Ben gave her a big smile. ‘I’m sure someone will …’

You bet your cute ass.

‘OK,’ said Gary. ‘Come in to the office, Ben, take a look at whatever you need.’

Ben raised his eyebrow at Ren. ‘Sure,’ he said.

They went in to the office, and Gary started to talk Ben through the case.

Ren watched Ben nodding intently. She realized he almost pouted when he was concentrating. And still managed to look good.

Stop risking eye contact with me.

She glanced around the room.

Everyone knows I am sleeping with Ben Rader. Everyone.

36

Ren grabbed a coffee and pulled out a magazine she had stolen from reception. It was promoting Summit County, and each town had its own section. It was made up mostly of advertorials, with columns or pages of relevant ads beside them. She saw one ad for The Merlin, then a general article for luxury holiday home lets, and beside that an ad for a company called York Property Management. One of the employees was a fit-looking cheery man with a strong, chiseled face, who by virtue of his age, and unusual surname, appeared to have spawned a most unlikely child.

‘Bob,’ said Ren. ‘Could I pick your tiny mind?’

Bob came over. ‘Sure. Go ahead.’

‘I was flicking through these ads masquerading as a magazine, and came across a gentleman by the name of Gabriel Labati.’ She pointed to the picture. ‘Is the ungainly Jared Labati the offspring of this rugged specimen?’

‘Yes, he is,’ said Bob.

‘So, Gabriel Labati works for York Property Management. Do they manage any of the homes on Wildcard Drive?’

‘Yes. I got Mike’s report here. Two.’

‘Has anyone taken a look around them?’ said Ren. ‘We still don’t know where the girls were kept.’

‘Mike and a few of the other detectives had a look around the outside and there were no signs of a break-in