‘You used a BellSouth account with the user name “colonel”. Like your car. Delusions of grandeur there too.’ Ren’s heart started to pound. ‘Didn’t you?’ she said. ‘You hacked into his home computer and you used personal emails to his old buddies to set him up.’
‘Why would I have to do that?’ said Colin. ‘I graduated top of my class, I could have had a job anywhere in the entire country. Why would I be so desperate to-’
‘You didn’t get this job, though, did you?’ said Ren. ‘You failed your first big interview after the academy. You followed a Denver woman all the way here, proposed and everything, assuming, because you’re an arrogant prick, that you’d get this job. But she dumped you, no doubt realizing that you were an arrogant prick, and then, to add insult to injury, you didn’t get the job. Making you a double loser.’
Colin’s eyes were lit with anger.
‘And you don’t like being a loser,’ said Ren. ‘Everything is about winning with you, isn’t it? And being seen to win. Here’s Colin Grabien graduating top of his class, high school, college, the Academy. Oh, and here he is meeting the woman of his dreams, heading to Denver to be the man in a new Violent Crimes Task Force, and … uh-oh, hold on a minute, he’s been dumped, and uh-oh, he didn’t get that job after all. Now what? Who’s Colin Grabien now?’
Colin took a step toward her. Ren stared him down.
‘So, get rid of Taber Grace,’ said Ren, ‘maybe you could step in like a knight in shining armor, show Gary the mistake he’d made not taking you on, well, that would be even better than getting the job in the first place. And, who knows, maybe you’d get the girl back,’ said Ren. ‘But whatever the hell happened, your big move to Denver wouldn’t be such a public humiliation.’
‘I’m not listening to this shit,’ said Colin.
‘Why would you?’ said Ren.
‘Get out of my face,’ said Colin.
‘No.’
‘You’re a fucking nut job,’ said Colin.
‘You’re a sociopath. A textbook fucking sociopath.’
‘You need to read some new textbooks.’ Colin walked out the door, and Ren followed him into the sub-zero night.
‘Stop,’ she said. Her breath caught in the icy air.
Colin kept walking.
‘How can you live with yourself?’ said Ren. ‘You
Colin shrugged.
Colin turned around and stabbed a finger at her as he spoke. ‘You should listen to yourself some time. You are so messed up. You’re in there trying to make sense of a kid who nearly fucking raped you? Are you out of your mind?’
Ren’s heart was pounding. ‘What the-’
Colin stuck his head right up in her face. ‘Ren? You are one crazy motherfucking bitch.’
Ren punched him. The second punch caught his chin, and sent him staggering backwards. The boot slammed against his kneecap brought him to the ground. The sound of his right elbow breaking, and the cry that followed, was drowned out by the slam of the door, as Gary Dettling got out of his car.
68
Ren stood at the sink in the Safe Streets ladies room running cold water over her hand. Her knuckles were flaming. Her nose was red from the cold, her eyes were streaming. Cliff had driven Colin to the hospital. The official story was that he slipped on the ice. The unofficial story was what Ren was now working on as the water numbed her hand, and the pain of the cold traveled up her arm. Gary was waiting for this story.
Gary hammered on the door. Ren jumped and hit her hand on the faucet.
‘Ren, get out here. Don’t pull the ladies room bullshit. I’m coming in.’
‘No,’ said Ren. ‘Don’t. I’ll be right there.’
She heard him walk away. Huge angry strides.
She walked down the hallway. Her head felt vaporous. And so did her story.
Ren flexed the fingers of her red right hand.
Gary Dettling sat at his desk, staring at the door. He continued to stare at the door after Ren had sat down in front of him.
Then he fixed his eyes on her. ‘Colin Grabien has offered his resignation.’
‘Ren, I’m not going to dress this up for you: you are manic. You have been manic for the past month at least.’
‘Ren!’ said Gary. ‘This can’t go on. You are going to have to go back on medication-’
‘What?’ said Ren.
‘You heard me,’ said Gary.
‘No,’ said Ren, ‘I don’t think I did. You’re telling me, after everything this case brought up-’
‘Ren, you’ve been on mood stabilizers before and they work for you. I’m not asking you to take a drug that hasn’t been trialed or is making people psychotic. I’m asking you to take a drug that has worked for you in the past, and that hasn’t caused you any side effects.’
‘But-’
‘What’s your solution?’ said Gary. ‘What do you think you should do? What do you think I should do?’
‘I’ll go and see Dr Lone.’
‘Ren! That’s a given. And on its own, talking hasn’t worked for you, because you either stonewall these psychiatrists or sidestep them. Therapy works if you talk, it won’t if you don’t. But before you even begin to start doing that, you need medication to get you back on an even keel. I could list all the things you’ve done, and all the things that have happened to you, but you know what they are. You scared the crap out of me. What happened with Cameron Temple was …’ He took in a breath. ‘Ren, I don’t ever want to get a phone call like that again.’
‘Do you get that I get sucked into your bullshit?’ said Gary. ‘It is like I am on that rollercoaster with you, Ren, and believe me, I cannot afford to take that ride. I cannot keep up. No man could. Even you can’t. It has to end here.’
‘Now, get out of my office,’ said Gary.
Ren stood up.
Ren’s hands shook as she opened the door.
This was Gary Dettling. You did what he said. You got out of his office when he said ‘get out of my
