itself. It had been scattered with feces and blood, and illuminated only by a blinking television screen. Pornographic videos and magazines littered the floor, showing men with chains, women with animals, children with men. Sex tools of extreme perversion lay beside the more traditional handcuffs, whips, and blindfolds. Sets of masks were also discovered-leather masks with zippers crisscrossing the front, masks that merely covered around the eyes, masks of women's faces.
Most disturbing of all, however, had been the clown masks found beneath the stained sheets. Months later, some of the policemen still would awaken in a deep sweat, seeing the smiling faces and blank eyes of the clowns laughing at them through the darkness. And through the memory came the stench, and the realization of a horror that went beyond human comprehension.
Young Allander had been freed from his torture, and was returned home and to counseling. The thick red marks the ropes had left around his limbs soon cleared up. The whip scars on his back took a little bit longer, but eventually they, too, faded. He had seemed perfectly serene for his first three weeks home, his young mind brilliant in its repression.
Then the clowns had come to visit him.
He'd awakened screaming himself hoarse and his mother had rushed in and pressed his face to her bosom and made the clowns go away. His father had flicked on the light switch and stood in the doorway, his fists clenched in impotent anger and unfulfilled rage. Tears had traced a path down his face.
The clowns had come again and again in the night, and soon his momma couldn't make them go away anymore. Allander would cry hysterically at any prompting. He wouldn't watch TV because the cartoons sometimes had clowns, and he couldn't go near McDonald's because of the laughing white-faced clown that lived there, and even when his momma wore lipstick he would cry and try to smear it off with his child's fingers, sometimes digging his nails into her skin and leaving red welts.
The therapy had at first yielded no results, no reactions from the catatonic child. But once the clowns had begun to come in the night, the therapists' questions had probed like a flashlight shone into widened eyes.
An older man with long gray curls and a beard had tried to get him to play with dolls and make the dolls act things out. Then he'd tried to get him to draw, but Allander had taken the pencil and put it through the man's eye when the man's attention lapsed. He still remembered how the man's shattered spectacles had dangled from the end of the pencil as he'd screamed and clutched at his face.
Soon, the dolls had begun to look like clowns with accusing eyes, and so had his stuffed animals. One night, before the clowns could come, he had ripped the heads off all his stuffed animals and hidden them, with their placid, questioning eyes, in the bottom of his closet.
But still the clowns had come that night.
When his parents found him in the morning with his toys defaced, they had looked at him, eyes filled with concern and accusation, and had bestowed guilt upon him. He had screamed at them, 'I have seen things, momma. I have done things.' Things incomprehensible, things unimaginable. But of course they could not understand, and they couldn't make the hurt go away.
Allander had increasingly felt his difference, for he'd been avoided by his former playmates, and twice a week was sent to a special school where he would talk to adults about ink blots and about 'The Period.' There were so many faces that finally he could not tell them apart, or remember what they wanted. When he was nine, he had sodomized a younger boy in the school bathroom during recess. He had been taken away from regular school for good, and had had to spend more time at the special school.
One of the men who had come and talked to him was different. It was only to him that Allander could show the depth of his darkness. The new man was mostly interested in the monster, though, and not much in the child. He hadn't stayed long, but Allander remembered him and his gently slanted eyes.
When he was older, Allander had attacked his mother. He had come up behind her when she was putting on makeup, pursing her lips and winking first one eye, then the other. He had beaten her about the face and had shoved her down, but before he could reach resolution, he had heard the hard, punishing steps of his father on the porch.
He had fled out the back door into the darkness, traveling through what seemed one endless night of alcohol, prostitutes, sex, and drugs before he'd gotten caught with the five-year-old girl and his pockets stuffed full of her hair. He had been eighteen.
And still the clowns came.
Allander slept deeply, more deeply than he would have imagined possible. As he awakened, he had the distinct sensation of swimming upward, rising through levels of water as distinct and varied as the stripes of a rainbow. When he surfaced, he had a tremendous sense of focus.
He loaded the gray Mercedes he found in the garage with the supplies he needed. He slipped the roll of duct tape into his pocket, where it bulged conspicuously. It would come in handy, he knew.
He returned to the house and cut up food in little pieces to leave for the children. Gazing out the living room window, he could see teams of policemen with dogs prowling the beach in the distance, and he hoped that his clothes had sunk as he had planned. It was time to move to a less vulnerable position before they discovered a clue and started calling door to door.
Allander noticed the stench as he reached Leah's room, the food he had prepared neatly arrayed on a black tray. The children had desperately needed to go to the bathroom, but with no sign of Allander for several hours and no imminent hope of being freed, they were forced to pee themselves. Robbie had also defecated, and the odor rose from the damp bed and filled the room. Both children were crying freely as Allander tiptoed in and slid the tray across their laps.
'Here's your food. Stop your tiresome weeping. And about this mess, you could've called me and I would have untaped you like before. I'm not barbaric.'
He looked at them disdainfully. 'Well, you've made your proverbial bed, so lie in it. I'm leaving you here, but when I'm safely away, I'll call and have you delivered to the authorities.'
Allander paused for a minute and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. He began to pace around the room, running his fingers through his hair and letting it fall back over his face.
'I'm sorry, my dears, that time doesn't allow me to continue your education. Just remember that your parents-or 'mentors,' whoever they'll be-will try to 'bring you up right,' but they'll have no concept of what that is. They'll raise you to be functional and to imitate them and indulge in petty little successes. Resist them with all your might.
'They won't ready you for the time when reality rears its head. They've worn blinders for so long they've become a part of their heads. Maybe that's what they desired all along-to have their vision restricted, expurgated.'
Allander's words rose in excitement. He felt his voice come to him, clear and strong. The children began to cower from his voice, but the direction kept shifting as Allander moved around the room, sometimes even circling behind them. He didn't really address them; he seemed to be thinking aloud.
'God and country will step in to fill the void, offering you laws and equations, rules and punishments to carry you through those lonely, restless nights you spend tossing and turning in bed as the moon slides whispering in your window.
'They're worse than an opiate for the masses. They'll turn you into deaf sheep standing in line as the truth bleats fearfully at the altar. They'll have you standing in line for slaughter.' His eyes narrowed. 'They'll deafen you to the roar of your inner voice. That's what they do. Soon, you won't even be able to hear yourself.'
Robbie choked on a sob and Leah clamped down on his hand. Not now, not here, she was telling him. They had to go unnoticed. She squeezed Robbie's hand, closed her eyes, and pretended she was shrinking away to nothing.
Allander continued, his words taking on the color of a rant. 'Your educators will embark with you on a supposed journey for the truth, but they'll deceive you. They'll say things that mean nothing-they always do-and you'll be forced to nod and agree as if they're profound.'
Leah held Robbie gently and quieted him as Allander paced and raved. 'Sssshhhh,' she whispered. 'Just don't say anything and the man will go away.'
'They'll tell you that when people are moved by the spirit of art or the Good, they are speaking in tongues,' Allander continued. 'What is it to speak in tongues? It's to babble incessantly, to fill the air with phrases and words that mean nothing, nothing at all. Your educators will think that they've been moved by an intellectual spirit, and
