'Let me help you, Terry.'
I reach out. This time he doesn't dart away. I touch him. And Terry's gone, passing through me, and into the Underworld. There's the familiar pain of a successful pomp, a slight ache that runs through me. I take a deep breath. Then, between blinks, all that space around me fills with people. I elbow my way toward my table none too gently; I reserve softness for the dead. I'm fuming with a white-hot rage, my body sore from the pomp.
Derek's in trouble, now. If he's messed up the rostering this badly, what else is he doing wrong? I'm filled with a righteous (and somewhat enjoyable) anger. I'd call him right now, but anger isn't the only thing I'm filled with and it's decided to remind me in no uncertain terms.
I make a dash for the toilets, stand at the urinal, and it's a sweet relief. I glance over at the mirror; the hair's looking good.
'You're in danger,' a familiar voice whispers in my ear, and I jump. It's the dead girl. She smiles that mocking smile.
'Jesus! Where the hell did you… What do you mean, in danger?' I'm a while framing that question.
She shakes her head, her eyes a bit fuzzy. She blinks. 'I'm not sure.' Then there's some clarity in her gaze. 'Still trying to remember. You're really taking this people wanting to kill you thing very well. Or maybe not… Hmm. How much have you had to drink?'
I'm pretty unsteady on my feet, and I'm still peeing. So, a lot.
'I… Would you mind turning the other way? I don't think people want to kill me, that was just some crazy guy with a gun.'
The dead girl's face creases. 'A crazy guy who just happened to take potshots at you?'
'Which is why he's crazy. I mean, why would anyone want to blow my brains out?'
Someone's walked into the toilet. The movement catches my eye. I turn, free hand clenched, a move I know is hardly intimidating, particularly while I'm pissing. I sway there a moment.
'Not him,' she says.
'How do you know?' I demand. 'You're hardly a reliable source of information, what with the dropping in and dropping out.'
The poor interloper hesitates for a moment, looking at me, looking at the urinals, and feeling the presence of dead person pushing him anywhere but here. He heads straight to a stall and locks the door.
And I'm suddenly feeling a whole lot more sober. The dead girl stands far enough away from me that I can't pomp her. It's not like I'd touch her before washing my hands anyway.
'Are you really dead?' I zip up. The room's swaying a little, which can't be good.
She nods. 'The real deal. And you need to get out of here, there's stuff I have to tell you, I think.' She looks down at her hands, and there's something about the gesture that makes me ache. 'It's much harder keeping this together than I expected. And the urgency, I'm trying to hold onto that… But I'm remembering.' She looks up at me. 'It's getting a little clearer. That's something, right?'
I wash my hands, studying her in the mirror. A dozen contradictory emotions dance across her face. All of them legitimate, and every one of them adding to her confusion. And here I am leaden with drink. This demands sensitivity. I want to help her but I'm not sure if I can. Maybe the best way, the most professional way, is by pomping her.
But I'm also angry. She's scaring me, and that's not supposed to be the way this works.
'Good,' I blurt, 'because I really want to know why someone was shooting at me.'
The dead girl scowls. 'Maybe I should just let you die.'
I shrug, drunkenly belligerent. I'm not the dead one after all. 'Maybe. Then at least we'd-'
That's when the beer, the I've-been-shot-at-and-lived-to-tell-the-tale beer, has its effect on me, and I'm running for the nearest stall, the one next to the poor guy I scared off the urinal. When I am done, after a series of loud and desperate sounding hurls, I feel utterly wretched. I look up at her, because she's followed me in. 'Bad Chiko Roll,' I explain, half-heartedly.
The dead girl grimaces at me. But her eyes are more focused. The mere act of talking, of a person's interest in her, has helped ground her.
She even smiles. Nothing like a spew as an icebreaker. 'Do people even eat those anymore?'
What is it about the dead today? Everybody's talking back. 'Yes, and they listen to grunge.'
'What?' She rubs her chin thoughtfully. 'Though that might explain it.'
'It was a legitimate movement.'
'The stress is on the was, though.' She's looking more coherent, almost concrete.
'Name's Steven,' I say, and I instinctively reach out toward her. It's my job after all. She darts back, a look of horror on her face.
'Watch that!'
'Sorry, it's just habit.' My head's feeling clearer.
We stand crammed in the grotty stall for a moment, just staring at each other. There's a tightness in my throat, a ridiculous sense of potential in a ridiculous place. Whatever it is, it passes. She nods, taking another step back, so that she's almost out of the stall. She keeps an eye on my hands.
'Lissa,' she says. 'Lissa Jones.'
Which sounds a hell of a lot better than Dead Girl.
I open my mouth to say something, anything, but she's gone. And again, it's nothing to do with me. She's just gone. I'm suffering an altogether unfamiliar hurt, and it's awful.
4
Tim is far too drunk to drive me home. But sober enough to get me a taxi with what appears to be some sort of magic gesture. It's as though he plucked the car out of the night.
Tim presses the packet of cigarettes into my hands. 'Hide the evidence, eh. And look after yourself.'
'You too.'
He gives me the thumbs up. ''S all good!'
And I know that he'll be at work sans hangover tomorrow, which brings a slight wave of resentment to the top of my rolling-drunk thoughts because my day off isn't going to be nearly as pretty. I watch him pluck another taxi from the ether.
'Where to?' the driver asks me. I mumble directions. Tim's taxi is already off. His driver probably knew where to go before Tim had even opened his mouth.
The taxi ride home is just swell, though a couple of times I nearly hurl again: seems my stomach has found more than that Chiko Roll to challenge it. Both times the driver is just about ready to push me out the door. I swear, one time I feel his boot on my back. But we make it, and he's happy enough to take my money, and happier still when I wave away his vague, and extremely leisurely, attempts at giving me change.
The taxi pulls away and I stare at my place. It's all a bit of a blur really, except for the brace symbol marked above the door. It's glowing: there must be Stirrers about. Not my job, though, the night shift will be dealing with those.
As I unlock the front door Molly's greeting barks are gruff and accusatory. She may be the most patient border collie in the world, but even she has limits. I realize that I hadn't fed her before I left. I make up for it, nearly falling flat on my face as I scoop dog food into her bowl, then walk into the bathroom and splash my face. I hardly feel the water. The space around me seems packed in cotton wool. I poke my cheek and it's as though I'm touching something inanimate. For some reason that saddens me. There's a few of Robyn's things still in the bathroom cupboard. A small bottle of perfume, a toothbrush. Three years and I've not managed to throw them out.
Molly pushes her black and white snout against my leg; she's wolfed down dinner and needs to go outside. There's an impatient gleam to her eyes. I think she's just as sick of me mooching over Robyn as everyone else, and Molly never even knew her. I bought her after Robyn left. Yeah, rebound pet ownership-real healthy.
'Sorry, girl.'
She's on my heels all the way through the house to the kitchen and the back door, rushing past me as I open it. The refrigerator hums behind me.
