She shrugs.
‘Your name is Alice, right?’
‘How did you know that?’
‘I heard your mother say it. It’s a nice name. “Will you walk a little faster?” said a whiting to a snail, “There’s a porpoise close behind us and he’s treading on my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! They are waiting on the shingle- will you come and join the dance? Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?” ’
‘That’s from Alice in Wonderland,’ she says.
‘Yes it is.’
‘My dad used to read that to me.’
‘Curiouser and curiouser. Where’s your dad now?’
‘Not here.’
‘Is he away on business?’
‘He travels a lot.’
Her mum is being spun across the dance floor, sending her dress twirling and knickers flashing.
‘Your mum is having a good time.’
Alice rolls her eyes. ‘She’s embarrassing.’
‘All parents are embarrassing.’
She looks at me more closely. ‘Why are you wearing sunglasses?’
‘So I won’t be recognised.’
‘Who are hiding from?’
‘Why do you think I’m hiding? I might be famous.’
‘Are you?’
‘I’m incognito.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘In disguise.’
‘It’s not a very good disguise.’
‘Thanks very much.’
She shrugs.
‘What sort of music do you like, Alice? Wait! Don’t tell me. I think you’re a Coldplay fan?’
Her eyes widen. ‘How did you know?’
‘You’re obviously a girl of very good taste.’
This time she smiles.
‘Chris Martin is a mate of mine,’ I say.
‘No way.’
‘Yeah.’
‘The lead singer of Coldplay- you know him?’
‘Sure.’
‘What’s he like?’
‘A good guy: not conceited.’
‘What’s that mean?’
‘Big headed. Up himself.’
‘Yeah, well, she’s a cow.’
‘Gwyneth is OK.’
‘My friend Shelly says Gwyneth Paltrow is a wannabe Madonna. Shelly shouldn’t talk ’cos she told Danny Green that I thought he was fit only I never said that. As if! I don’t fancy him at all.’
Someone stands in the open doorway and lights a cigarette. She screws up her nose. ‘People shouldn’t smoke. It causes gangrene. My dad smokes and my two uncles. I tried it once and puked over my mum’s leather seats.’
‘She must have been impressed.’
‘Shelly made me do it.’
‘I wouldn’t listen to Shelly so much.’
‘She’s my best friend. She’s prettier than I am.’
‘I don’t think she is.’
‘How would you know? You’ve never seen her.’
‘I just find it hard to believe that anyone could be prettier than you are.’
Alice frowns sceptically and changes the subject.
‘What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?’ she asks.
‘Why?’
‘It’s a joke. I heard someone say it.’
‘I don’t know. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?’
‘Forty-five minutes.’
I smile.
‘OK. Now explain it to me,’ she says.
‘That’s how long a wedding ceremony lasts. The difference between a boyfriend and a husband is forty-five minutes.’
‘Oh. I thought it was going to be rude. Now tell me a joke?’
‘I’m not very good at remembering jokes.’
She’s disappointed.
‘Do you really know Chris Martin?’
‘Sure. He has a house in London.’
‘You been there?’
‘Yep.’
‘You’re so lucky.’
She has a small almond-shaped birthmark on her neck below her right ear. Lower still, a gold chain with a horseshoe pendant sways back and forth as she rocks on her heels.
‘You like horses?’
‘I have one. A chestnut mare called Sally.’
‘How tall is she?’
‘Fifteen hands.’
‘That’s a good size. How often do you ride?’
‘Every weekend. I have lessons every Monday after school.’
‘Lessons. Where do you have those?’
‘Clack Mill Stables. Mrs Lehane is my riding teacher.’
‘You like her.’
‘Sure.’
Another shriek of laughter echoes across the bar. Two men have joined the hen party. One of them has his arm around her mum’s waist and a pint glass in his other hand. He whispers something in her ear. She nods her head.
‘I wish I could go home,’ says Alice, looking miserable.
‘I’d take you if I could,’ I say, ‘but your mum wouldn’t allow it.’
Alice nods. ‘I’m not even supposed to talk to strangers.’
‘I’m not a stranger. I know all about you. I know you like Coldplay and you have a horse called Sally and you live in Bath.’
She laughs. ‘How do you know where I live? I didn’t tell you that.’
‘Yes you did.’
She shakes her head adamantly.
‘Well, your mother must have mentioned it.’
‘Do you know her?’
