The Things They Cannot Say

l:href='#n_8' type='note'>[8]

KS: How so?

WW: It just changes your aspect on life. You don’t take a lot of shit for granted that you used to.

KS: You had to shoot some guys today.

WW: Yeah.

KS: Was that hard to do?

WW: No. I don’t have a problem shootin’ shitheads.

KS: Have you had to do it before this?

WW: Yeah. I shot twelve guys since I’ve been here.

KS: Twelve guys and you just turned twenty-one?

WW: What’s that?

KS: Twelve guys and you’ve just turned twenty-one?

WW: [Laughs] Yeah. I get out at twenty-one. I came in at seventeen. I graduated high school a year early to do this shit.

KS: Are you glad you did?

WW: No. If I could take it back, I wouldn’t do it.

KS: Why?

WW: I’d go to college, man. College is where it’s at. I’m glad I’m here defending my country, though. I’m not here for the Iraqi people. I’m here for the American people.

KS: Do a lot of guys feel the same way that you do?

WW: What’s that?

KS: Do you think that a lot of guys feel the same way that you do?

WW: I know that a lot of guys hate these fuckin’ shitheads. I’m tired of seein’ my brothers get hurt. I’ve had four of my best friends get killed since I’ve been here.

KS: Is it frustrating?

WW: It’s extremely frustrating. Let me find that guy. They shoot us and run. They hit us with IEDs [improvised explosive devices]. They’re cowards. That’s why I don’t have a problem shootin’ any of them.

KS: Do you feel like this offensive has been worthwhile, that you’ve been able to do something with it?

WW: What’s that?

Note: Wold, like a lot of troops in heavy combat, seems to be experiencing some hearing loss.

KS: Do you feel like this offensive has been worthwhile?

WW: I’m gettin’ rid of terrorists, I know that. If I can save one American from getting hurt, then I’m doing my job. I don’t care about my life. I care about my family’s lives. That’s the only reason I’m here. I’d come back here in an instant. I hate being here every day, but it’s for my family.

KS: Why are you gettin’ out?

WW: What’s that?

KS: Why are you getting out?

WW: I just wanna be normal. I wanna live a normal life.

KS: Do you think you can after this?

WW: I’m sure I’ll be all right. I’ve changed a lot since I joined the Marine Corps, though. Especially being here. You just… I’ll never take anything for granted ever again.

KS: Does it harden you?

WW: Um, my last command hardened me pretty much. This place will… it’ll make you pretty hard. It’ll give you some thick skin. [Explosion] I’m tired of that, too.

KS: Too much bang there?

WW: Too much big booms.

KS: What will you do after this?

WW: I got a scholarship to play football.

KS: Where are you gonna do that?

WW: WSU. Go Cougs! [He makes a victory sign.]

KS: What position?

WW: I’m a linebacker. I had a full-ride scholarship out of high school, but I joined the Marine Corps instead.

KS: Why’d you do that?

WW: Um, my pops always told me it’s my duty to serve my country as a young American, so… He was killed when I was twelve, so I figured I’d do what he told me to do.

KS: Was he a Marine, too?

WW: Nah, he was in the Army.

KS: How was he killed?

WW: He was murdered when I was twelve.

KS: How did that happen?

WW: I don’t know. They never found the guy that did it. [9]

KS: So you did it in his memory?

WW: What’s that?

KS: You joined in his memory?

WW: I just joined to help Americans. I love my family and my fiancee. I never want her to ever have to worry about anybody coming into our country. I’d rather kill ’em in their backyard than have ’em come into our backyard. [Explosion] Look at that. [He points to the orange flameout of a nearby air strike.] The more I kill here the less I’ve got to worry about coming into my country.

KS: Does it scare you at all, though? That, like, you have to break into a house like that and you guys have guns pointed at you?

WW: I don’t have time to think about that shit. When I first got here, I was always worried about… my friend told me today, “Man, you were so worried about getting killed when you first got here.” But now, I don’t have time to think about that shit. You bust into a house… Just like today, I had people pointing AKs at me. And I was thinkin’, “I have to shoot them.” I shot six people in less than ten seconds. It’s just what you’ve got to do. That shit goes right out the window. And you don’t have to push.

[…]

KS: If you weren’t gonna be deployed, would you stay in the Marine Corps?

WW: Yeah. I don’t know if I could do another tour over here. ’Cause the more time you spend here, the more people you wanna kill. Right now, it’s… I’m so sick of ’em tearin’ up my buddies, I just wanna kill ’em all. The more time you spend here, the more time you just wanna get in there and kill ’em.

KS: You think when you get home you’ll be able to turn it off?

WW: I hope so. [His face shows uncertainty.] I really do. My fiancee’s really worried that I’m not gonna come back the same. I’ll never tell her what things I did here. I’ll never tell anybody. ’Cause I’m not proud of killing people. I’m just proud to serve my country. I never understood it until I got here, you know? I never understood any of it, like, you know, “Hey, I’m defending my country. I’m in the Marine Corps.” You don’t defend your country until you do something like this. Then you really understand it. The pride aspect really comes out of it. I hate being here but I love it at the same time. It’s got its ups and downs. I haven’t talked to my fiancee in almost a month. I’m just hoping she’s doing good.

KS: Wanna use my phone?

WW: Oh, no, I can’t… I can’t do that.

KS: You’re welcome to.

WW: Nah, I couldn’t do that.