Then he thought, did I actually leave it against the door? I might have thought about putting it there, then didn’t. That’s more likely.
But why was he so sure there wasn’t someone else in the store? It was a big place. A natural safe haven. Plenty of food, albeit mostly candies and cookies, and there was that normality he’d thought about in the shower. The world might be falling apart, and all of your friends could be dead, but at the Wal-Mart you could still find queen-sized comforters and camcorders and bicycle tires and Sam’s Cola. Sure, a person might come here to save his sanity, he thought. He could sleep on a brand new mattress every night. He picked up the pack, then cautiously pushed the door open, the flashlight gripped like a club. Grit scrunched under his bare feet; the floor needed sweeping. Nothing. The employee lounge looked the same. Past the double doors, he saw Leda’s light. Moving quietly, light peering around every corner, he found her in the clothes section. She’d draped a blouse over her arm, and was stuffing a pair of jeans into the backpack.
“Doesn’t hurt to have a spare,” she said, then pointed her light at him. “Nice overalls, but do you think something that long will be good to hike in?”
“There might be somebody else in the store,” he said. “Did you hear anything?” She shrugged. “Was there a noise?”
He didn’t want to tell her about the pack now. It seemed childish. The feeling he’d done it himself came back even stronger. I’ll bet I moved it without thinking. “No. I guess not.”
“Then don’t worry. It’s a big place. Bound to make someone nervous. I didn’t want to say anything, but there’s no way anyone is in here. They’d be crazy to go into a store.” Eric’s jaw dropped. “What?”
She smiled, “They shoot looters. Didn’t you know that? Now, be a pal and find me some toothpaste and a toothbrush. I’ll go shower.”
While he wandered through each department, his light showed the odd interests of the last “shoppers.” All the electronics were gone, even the display models that had been anchored to their shelves by stout plastic-coated wire. The neatly snipped pieces showed someone with foresight enough to bring wire clippers had been there. In sporting goods, as Leda had predicted, there were no guns. He doubted anyone had waited five days for a government check-up on their fitness to be gun owners before walking out of the store with these weapons. Anything else that might shoot was gone also. No bows, or slingshots. No shot either. A pair of glass cases, their lids shattered, were all that remained of the knife displays. He sighed. A heavy duty knife might have been good to carry.
He pirouetted. Was someone behind him? In the aisle he’d just come down, fishing poles criss-crossed the path like long toothpicks. No one could walk through them without making noise unless he had a light to direct his steps. Broken display case glass on the tile all around made it seem unlikely that he could be approached soundlessly. He thought, I’m just getting the creeps.
Toothpaste looked like an item no one had been interested in. He grabbed a couple of different brands and a pair of toothbrushes. As far as he could tell, not one roll of toilet paper remained, and almost all the drugs were gone. In a corner, behind a bag of cotton swabs, he found a box of aspirin. It was the only pain killer left. All the cold remedies were missing. He grinned sadly. How pathetic that people would try to treat the symptoms of the virus that killed the world with Nyquil or Sudafed. Antiseptics were gone; so were bandages and tape. He wrinkled his nose; a strong smell of bad meat told him what to expect behind the prescription drug counter where he found the long dead pharmacist, still in her blue smock, on her back, a messy wound on her neck. Not a single bottle graced the shelves. Eric took another route back to the employee area. The garden area seemed untouched. Droopy-leafed plants hung forlornly above bags of fertilizer. Neat displays of garden hoses cast odd shadows. Some boxes blocked the path in the toy section, but generally most of the goods still crowded the shelves. He looked at a red fire truck whose ad said “REAL EMERGENCY SOUNDS. TRY ME,” and an arrow pointed to a row of buttons below the cab. He pressed one. The red lights on top flashed and a tiny voice announced, “We have a hot one boys! Start her up.”
Back in the employee area, he heard the shower water. He sat in one of the chairs and turned off his light. Leda hummed a song. He couldn’t identify the melody. Water sounds came to him unevenly, the sounds made when someone is moving under a shower. She’s nice, he thought. Not half bad for an adult. Dad probably would like her. She’s independent. He imagined her in the shower, water cascading, cleaning her arms, bending over to get behind her knees, hair hanging nearly to the floor, and he found himself standing at the door into the locker room, listening. He didn’t consciously remember making a decision to stand up. Pressing his ear gently to the door frame, he heard water hitting skin. She still hummed. It’s cold, he thought. She won’t stay in there long. He thought of the way she walked, how her shirt dropped away from her belly when she bent to look in the car window earlier, and he imagined himself pushing the door open. Her flashlight must be on the floor, he thought, pointing in on her like his had been when he showered. She would never know the door had opened. She’d never know I was standing there.
He remembered necking with his pimpled girlfriend in high school. Lips together, she’d breathed on his cheek, evenly. It wasn’t like he’d thought it would be. No real passion, but he’d been so aware of where his hands were: one around her shoulder, the other on her waist, and he thought of what other guys had told him, what he’d seen in movies, what he’d imagined. It would have been so easy to slip his hand up, across the shirt.
He stood, listening. Leda hummed. Water splashed on the floor. His stomach ached with tightness. His hand rested on the door. But is it right? he thought. Is it right to look at her, and he found his mind tumbling. What did he think of her? Who was she? A friend? A woman? A sister? A mom? What would it say about him if he did look? His other hand hurt, and he realized it was clenched. Painfully, he straightened his fingers and made them relax against his thigh.
When he’d kissed his girlfriend, he’d put his hand on the back of her neck and caressed the fine little hairs there. Just when he thought he might slide that other hand up, she’d put her hand on it, stopping any chance for motion. It was then he’d opened his lips, reached out with the tip of his tongue. Pulling back, she’d said, “Don’t, that’s gross.” But he hadn’t really heard it that way. No, not that way at all. For weeks after, and even now, he heard it as, “Don’t, you’re gross.” What did Leda think of him? He had saved her life, and she had saved his. They’d talked for hours in that basement, not sure if they would live or die. But he had cried in her arms earlier today. She’d let go of his hand in the darkened store. Don’t, he thought, you’re gross.
The water still fell. He could almost hear soap sliding on skin, around curves, up and down. He wiped sweat off his forehead. Why is she staying in there so long? She must be goddamned frozen by now!
Through the crack in the door, he could see the light on the floor. It was pointed toward the shower. The tile glistened where some water had splashed out, or maybe it had fallen off him when he’d dried. She must know I’m out here, he thought. Why else would she stay in so long. She must want me to look! He breathed hard. Oh God. He pressed his hand against the door, trying to remember if it squeaked, then deciding it wouldn’t matter since she couldn’t possibly hear it. He swallowed and pushed harder. It moved a half inch, then stopped. Something was against the door. Dropping to his knees, he looked under the door. A shadow a foot or so wide blocked the light. He reached under with his fingers and felt slick nylon.
Sitting back in the employee chair, his flashlight still off, Eric looked at the light under the door, at the shadow. The shower turned off. Silence replaced the throb of falling water. He heard her walk. He heard a towel rubbing briskly. It’s her backpack, he thought. She leaned her backpack against the door, and a thought came to him very clearly, like a wave crashing on a beach: sometime while I was showering, or maybe even when I was toweling off, Leda pushed open that door and looked at me. That’s why my pack was moved. She looked at me, then went back to the clothes section so I would never know. I stood naked in the water, and she watched me.
He didn’t know what to think of the thought.
But it made him happy.
Chapter Fifteen
BACK ROADS
Eric was unhappy. Dodge and Rabbit stood in front of him in a gully removed from the road. Farther down, just out of earshot, Teach argued with Ripple, his gestures wide and sweeping. She stood defiantly, arms across
