CHAPTER 6
Viewership among women multiplied in the wake of the sudden proposal. It turned out that Arab jerk hurt ratings anyways. But now they had a new and unique element to the drama: high school lovers, one of whom marries the woman’s daughter, while the other marries the guy’s father. Plus, they had decent footage of the girl having sex with her father-in-law, while the guy rimmed his mother-in-law. To further monopolize the show, the girls now talked of having babies at the same time, never mentioning that Gina had her tubes tied.
The beautifully staged wedding rivaled the nuptials of the first son of King William and Queen Kate. Pop stars played for the guests, celebrities filled the audience, and everyone wore their sponsorships literally on their sleeves.
Now came the hard part. The honeymoon.
The nine happy couples and the two Russians were strapped in like those new super-fast, gravity-free roller coasters. The capsule looked so much bigger from the outside. Bob, James, Jasmine, and Gina occupied the front row since they were the most popular characters on the show.
“I hope everyone already went to the bathroom,” Mr. Paul joked on the screen in front of them. “Soon, you will be moving at eight kilometers per second, through a volcano, up into the sky, to dock at the largest rock that once crossed Earth’s orbit. There you will honeymoon at our brand new luxury hotel within Ganymed. Remember: no smoking!”
Viewers apparently found him less annoying than the new married couples.
“Nervous, dad?” James asked, himself having second thoughts.
“Nah. Not after doing the Mission to Mars simulator at Disney’s Epcot in Orlando. I’m looking forward to having sex in micro-gravity. I just can’t believe how boring my life used to be.”
“You fucking married me!” Gina said, still in shock.
“I’ll marry you again in twenty-five years.”
“Done!”
Jasmine loved seeing her mother happy, married, and financially secure, but couldn’t help feel conflicted that her mother was the most popular member of the show. While Jasmine had several months to get used to the idea of wedding bliss, Gina still glowed like one of those new light bulbs. That pulled the heart strings of millions of ladies watching on the Internet.
The sled holding the capsule started slowly. Because it increased velocity at the same rate, it didn’t feel like they were going as fast as they were. Due to intense heat about to wrap around the capsule, they didn’t have any windows. Not being able to see outside masked their speed.
“Great drugs,” Bob volunteered. “I feel as mellow as yellow.”
James never knew his dad could be whimsical. Where was this man when he grew up?
In addition to painkillers and blood thinners, they all had to take sedatives so that stress didn’t trigger heart or panic attacks.
James could now feel something invisible pushing his body back against the customized seat. They modified the contours specifically to protect his head, neck, and back. They matched each seat to each individual. As per training, James closed his eyes, relaxed his breathing, and kept his feet flat on the floor. Now taking two forces of gravity, James had trouble breathing from the force pressing against him. Which was why shallow breathing helped so much. Swallowing, however, was a bitch. Then the capsule tipped up, which meant they now flew through the volcano. Unable to speak, Gina silently prayed her boobs didn’t explode. Although that would probably get her in the Guinness Book of World Records. They stayed at that angle for a few more minutes until the pressure eased and everyone started catching their breaths. James couldn’t believe that the first space workers did this at a constant acceleration of five g’s when the track was shorter.
“Wow!” Jasmine yelled to draw the camera to her. “That was better than sex.” James shot her a look. “It’s just an expression!”
As the capsule slowed down, their bodies pressed against the restraints. One of the crew floated in the air to check on them. The pilot appeared on the screen to welcome them and said everything went five by five, which James hoped was good.
“It will take us an hour to position the capsule to match altitude, angle, and speed with the space port, so just relax and stay in your seats.”
The rock appeared tiny, at first, on their screen, but grew alarmingly large very quickly. Soon it swallowed their screen as they mirrored its path and gradually moved closer. They had only a tiny window of opportunity to dock; otherwise, they had to either wait two weeks or return home.
A hanger door opened and the pilot maneuvered the capsule over the same type of rails that sent them here. Robotic arms grabbed them and gently lowered them on a sled which took them inside the asteroid. When they stopped, a pressurized doorway extended. They watched a device on their door measure relative atmospheric pressure, then a light turned green. The crew opened the door and a beautiful blond welcomed them aboard humanity’s first and only space port.
“I’m Daniela, your guide for the rest of your stay on Ganymed.”
The excited guests hopped several meters at a time down a corridor, past a sign that said, “if you lived here, you’d be home by now,” to a cavern known as Central, since it took them everywhere. They built the ceilings high because nobody could walk normal in micro-gravity. Instead, people had to hop, like those astronauts on the Moon, except they floated higher and longer. The company painted everything in layers with darker colors at the bottom and brighter colors higher up. All floors looked black and all ceilings off-white so that people could better orient themselves. Otherwise, it was hard to determine up from down while free-floating. There is no north or south in space; no upside-down; even up and down aren’t that convincing. Color coating helped people decide where to point their feet.
“I think I shouldn’t have eaten those Wheaties,” James confessed, feeling a bit nauseous as he unintentionally somersaulted over his father. Maybe space wasn’t the best place to have tons of sex. He swallowed the vomit as frequently as it kept rising, souring his initial experience, if not his mouth.
“This is awesome!” Gina screamed, high-fiving the five story high ceiling. “Eat your heart out, Disney!”
“They’re actually one of our partners,” James let her know. “They want to paint Mickey’s face on the surface and boast about the largest billboard within thousands of miles.”
They floated towards Hotel Ganymed, which looked more like a door in the bedrock.
“Hope I didn’t forget my visa,” James cracked.
“I can’t wait to have sex with you.” Jasmine said loudly.
“I hope you’re talking to me,” James said to laughter. “Oh, crap!”
James overshot the hotel and headed for solid rock. The company warned them this would happen. It takes time to acclimate. Not that this helped James, watching the wall of rock get bigger as he flew closer. He didn’t even have a spacesuit to cushion the blow. He held out his arms, but his momentum kept turning him and there was nothing he could do but flail helplessly. He felt like a poorly thrown football.
“Oh, no.”
His ass smacked the rock hard. He couldn’t even stretch his legs enough to re-orient himself. Then his back hit, followed by the back of his head. Someone in a medical outfit foresaw the accident and shot himself over, flying through the air like superman. Except he had a pole with a hook and magnetic boot heels. He used it to keep himself from bouncing off the wall by hooking a handrail and magnetizing himself to a magnet on the wall. Drops of blood floated in front of James and he yelled in panic, but the doctor sprayed some stuff that closed the wound until they could fix him under better conditions.
“It’s just a scratch,” the doctor reassured him.
While he felt like an idiot, his father and Gina did somersaults high over the floor, laughing like kids and flying like pros. James heard his father laugh more since he met Gina than in the rest of his life combined. He couldn’t wait to throw that in his mother’s face, who abandoned him as a kid.
“You’re welcome, dad,” he whispered.
