And, even more unfortunately, that was the line Charles repeated. The audience probably didn’t notice anything wrong; their reactions were so minimal, anyway, that it hardly mattered. But Lesley-Jane certainly did, and she started to giggle. That, and the mild hysteria that a tiny audience always engenders, got Charles going too, and the pair of them were almost paralysed by laughter. It was what actors call a total ‘corpse’, and, although they managed to get through to the end of the play, any tension they might have built up was dissipated.
The lapse was duly noted by the Stage Manager and no one was surprised to be summoned on stage at the ‘half’ for the evening show, and receive a dressing-down from the Company Manager.
‘You’re all meant to be professionals,’ Wallas Ward berated them petulantly, ‘and this sort of behaviour is unforgivable. We already have our problems with this show, and we’re at a very pivotal point. If we are to survive in the West End, we have to guarantee that
Charles owned up, like a naughty schoolboy. ‘Sorry, it was my fault. I got fed the wrong line.’
‘Well, you should have been concentrating on what you were saying. You are meant to think, not just relay the lines like some glorified loudspeaker.’
‘Yes, I know. I’m sorry. Lapse of concentration. Won’t happen again.’
‘It’d better not. I think you ought to be off the deaf-aid by now.’
‘What?’ Charles was very taken aback.
‘Well, you are going to learn the lines at some point, aren’t you?’
‘Oh, I. . er. . I hadn’t really thought about it.’ He hadn’t. Now he had sorted out the technique of using the deaf-aid, he found it wonderfully relaxing. The strain of remembering the lines was removed, and he could enjoy the acting. It hadn’t occurred to him that at some point his life-support system would be taken away.
‘
‘Right, well, I’ll wait till I hear from him.’
‘And, in the meantime, let us have no repetition of this afternoon’s disgusting display of amateurism.’
Very good, Wallas, yes, Wallas, certainly, Wallas, said all the cast, touching their forelocks in mock- abasement.
‘Maurice Skellern Personal Management.’
‘Still holding out for the twenty per cent, I see, Maurice.’
‘Charles, one has to pay for personal service in this day and age. It’s the same all over the board, you know.’
‘Humph.’
‘Well, and how’s the show going?’
‘Oh, thank you for asking. I take it that question is an example of your Personal Management, the individual care you lavishly bestow on your clients.’
‘Exactly, Charles.’
‘Listen, Maurice, we last spoke nearly a fortnight ago. Since then, not only has the show opened in the West End, but also I, your client, have taken over the leading part. And during that time, what kind of “individual care” have I received? Not even a lousy telephone call. I always have to end up ringing you.’
‘I’m never sure where you are, Charles.’
‘Rubbish. You could always find me if you tried.’
‘I think you’re being very hurtful, Charles. I spend all day beavering away on your behalf and — ’
‘Oh, damn it, Maurice, can’t you — ’
‘That’s very good, Charles, very good.’ Wheezes of laughter wafted down the telephone line.
‘What?’
‘Beavering — damn it. Very good.’
‘Listen, Maurice, as I say I am now playing the lead in this show, and I think it is about time you sorted out some deal on the money I get for doing it.’
‘Now, Charles, if you would calm down a moment and allow me to get a word in, I would be able to inform you that I have already negotiated just such a deal for you.’
‘Then why the hell didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because the details have only recently been finalised with Paul Lexington.’
‘Well, when did you ring him?’
‘He rang me, actually.’
‘When?’
‘Yesterday.’
‘And I suppose that was the first you knew of my taking over the part?’
‘It was, as it happens.’
‘I don’t bloody believe it. Your office must have a great pile of sand in it instead of a desk, so that you can keep your head buried all bloody day.’
‘Now, Charles. . An agent’s job is difficult enough without his clients being offensive.’
‘All right. Tell me what the deal is.’
Charles had devoted considerable thought to this subject. He knew that he wasn’t the most eminent actor in the world, but he still knew that nobody played a starring part in the West End for peanuts. He had to be on three hundred and fifty a week minimum, surely? Maybe a bit more. Maybe a lot more.
‘Paul Lexington was very fair on the phone, I thought, very fair.’
‘Oh yes?’
‘What he said was. .’
‘Yes?’
‘. . that he’d continue to pay your existing contract — ’
‘But that’s only a hundred and fifty a week.’
‘Wait, wait. But, on top of that, he was prepared to pay a supplement.’
‘Oh good.’
‘Because you are actually playing the part.’
‘I certainly am.’
‘A supplement of ten pounds for each performance you do.’
‘Ten pounds! But that’s nothing!’
‘It’s quite generous for an understudy.’
‘But I’m not an understudy. This isn’t the part which I was understudying, anyway. And I am actually playing the part.’
‘Not according to Paul Lexington.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘According to him, you are acting as understudy. And, in a few weeks when he sees how business is going, he will make the decision as to whether to confirm you in the part or to recast.’
‘Good God.’
‘As I say, I thought it very fair. I mean, considering your stature in the business.’
‘Thank you very much,’ said Charles dully.
‘I pushed him up, you know. He only wanted to give you eight pounds a performance, but I pushed him up.’
‘Terrific, Maurice.’
But the sarcasm was wasted. ‘Good, I thought you’d see it my way. And now perhaps you understand what I mean by Personal Management.’
‘Oh yes, I think I do.’
‘Good. Well, nice to talk to you.’
‘Hmm. I don’t suppose your Personal Management and “individual care” would actually extend to coming along to see the show, would it?’
‘Oh now, Charles. . I spend all day in the office slaving away on your behalf. Surely you don’t want me to give up my evenings too. Do you. .?’
