Flying Dutch

cold grey water of the North Sea and set off on its maiden voyage.

Curiously enough, there were no celebrations to mark the launching of this magnificent vessel (named, for sound fiscal reasons, Lombard Venturer ID); no crowd, no band playing, not even a small Babycham cracked against her awe-inspiring bows. Only one camera-crew filmed her departure, and that was because the owners hadn’t the heart to refuse Danny Bennett a scoop to make up for the damage that the failure of his latest documentary “Close The Creamery Door, Lads, There’s Blood Inside”, had done to his career.

This desire for privacy was understandable, because the owners weren’t looking their best.

“I still say it suits you,” Vanderdecker said.

“People will think I’m seasick,” Jane replied.

“Let them,” Vanderdecker said. He glanced down at the instrument console before him; a cross between a huge computer keyboard, the flight deck of an airliner and a Yamaha organ. “I wonder how you drive this thing.”

“I lent Antonius the manual,” Jane said. “He asked me what gyroscopic means.”

“Oh well,” Vanderdecker said, and shrugged, “never mind. It beats hauling in all those ropes, at any rate. Where shall we go first?”

“Reykjavik.”

“Why Reykjavik?”

“Because we have all the time in the world,” Jane answered, “and I want to save the good bits till later.”

“Good thinking,” Vanderdecker said. “I can see you’re getting the hang of this.”

Through the tinted, double-glazed window they watched the coast receding into the distance. Just briefly, Jane felt her old life slipping away from her, and wondered if she ought to regret it. She was entering into a new timescale entirely now, and the next time she came back to England, perhaps everyone she knew there would be dead. But that was a very big thought, and there wasn’t enough room in her head for it; all the available space was taken up with a calm, deliberate pleasure.

“Another nice thing about this ship,” Vanderdecker said, “is not having to take it to Bridport to be fixed every time something goes wrong with it. God, I hate Bridport.”

“I gathered,” Jane said. “It can’t have been nice having to spend so many of your shore-leaves there.”

“True,” said the Flying Dutchman. “Mind you, if you go somewhere often enough, you’re bound to get sort of attached to it after a time. Even,” he added, “Bridport.”

“Is that true?”

“No.” Vanderdecker admitted. “Every time I went there, it had changed, ever so slightly, for the worse. A new car park here, a fish shop turned into an estate agent there. I really thought it had bottomed out in 1837, but they hadn’t built the bus station then.”

“So is it fun,” Jane queried, “watching history unfold itself? Being a witness to the long march of Everyman? I suppose it’s like being a God, really, except that usually you’re powerless to intervene.”

“What long words Miss Doland is using,” Vanderdecker replied. “It’s not a bit like that. Hell, you don’t notice, it’s too gradual; it would be like claiming that the turning of the earth made you dizzy. I don’t even feel particularly different, to be honest with you. I think I stopped feeling different when I turned nineteen and stopped growing, and since then I’ve always been the same. It’d be another matter if I’d gone to sleep and then woken up hundreds of years later, but…I guess going on a hovercraft must be like that.”

“Haven’t you ever?”

“What, been on a hovercraft? No fear. Those things are dangerous.”

Jane giggled. “But Julius,” she said, “you’re invulnerable and immortal, nothing’s dangerous to you. You can’t be afraid of hovercraft.”

“Want to bet?”

Jane smiled, and shook her head. Would she be like him in four hundred years or so, or would he always keep this start on her?

“Nice of the Professor to come and see us off, wasn’t it?” she said.

“I suppose so.”

“Do you think he ever will get round to finding an antidote?” Vanderdecker grinned. “Eventually,” he said, “maybe. Where’s the hurry?”

“There isn’t one.”

In the distance, the environmentalist action ship Erdkrieger changed course sharply. The ship’s Geiger counter had suddenly started bleeping furiously and playing “Jerusalem” and someone had suggested that the huge ship on the skyline might have something to do with it.

They launched a dinghy and set out to investigate. Business had been slack lately, what with the new initiative (nobody knew where it had started) to phase out nuclear power worldwide, and for once there was no shortage of volunteers.

“Ahoy!” shouted the captain of the Erdkrieger. “You there on the tanker!”

He raised his binoculars and recognised a familiar face.

“Fancy meeting you again,” Vanderdecker replied through the loud-hailer. “How’s saving the world going?”

“Sehr gut,” the German replied. “Is your ship making the radiation?”

“That’s not radiation,” Vanderdecker replied, “not as such. Completely harmless.”

“If that’s so,” said the German, “why are you bright green and glowing slightly?”

“Too much Limberger cheese,” Vanderdecker shouted back. “Come on, you know me. I’m a Friend of the Earth too, you know. Me and the Earth are like that.”

“Okay,” said the German. “Sorry to have troubled you. Auf wiedersehen!”

“Auf wiedersehen!” Vanderdecker called back, and added “idiot” under his breath. He left the bridge and went below to the library. Jane was in the drawing-room, comparing carpet samples. At the moment, she was dead set on a sort of beigy-pink with a faint texture in the pile. As he thought of it, Vanderdecker shuddered, ever so slightly, until he remembered that carpets wear out, eventually, even the best of them. He’d just have to outlive the bugger.

As he walked down the ladder, Vanderdecker paused and looked out over the sea. Very big, the sea, an awful lot of it, like history, or life. The hell with it.

“Skip,” said a voice from above his head. “You got a moment?”

Vanderdecker sighed. “Of course I have, Antonius.” He climbed the ladder again.

“Skip,” Antonius said. “I can’t find the mainmast.”

“There isn’t one.”

“No mainmast?”

“No mainmast. Propellers instead.”

Antonius reflected for a moment. “Skip,” he said.

“Yes?”

“How do you get the sail to stay up on a propeller?”

“You don’t,” Vanderdecker said. “It sits in the water and goes round and round.”

Antonius frowned. “And they call that progress,” he sneered. Vanderdecker smiled at him, nodded, and went below again, banging his head on a low girder as he did so. I’ll get used to it, he thought, in time.

And so he did. And they all lived happily. Ever after.