I’m sure she’d talk to me all the way through the performance, just to wind me up. She doesn’t know you, so that might shut her up.’
As soon as we were settled in our seats, Joey Morocco moved on to stage, to gusts of applause, to stand in front of the assembled Scottish National Orchestra, and beside a piano that seemed to be minus a player. He made a short welcome speech, plugged the benefiting charities, and then went serious on us.
‘Now the bad news,’ he announced. ‘We’ve all come here tonight to be enthralled by the great Theo Fabrizzi. Well, I’m afraid I have to tell you,’ he paused, then lapsed inexplicably into Glaswegian, ‘it’s no gonnae happen.’
He waited for the buzz to subside, then he continued. ‘Poor Theo has been overtaken by one of those short notice things that can afflict us all, and he regrets enormously that he is not going to be able to play this evening. However,’ his tone turned upbeat, ‘we still have the nation’s finest orchestra to delight us, so the evening will still be memorable. Please just imagine the piano bits, okay?’
He left the stage to applause that was much less rapturous than at his entrance.
I wasn’t bothered. The piano has never been my favourite instrument, unless Elton John’s sitting at it. I was going to have a good time anyway.
A minute or so later, Joey reappeared on the left of the stage. ‘And now, my lords, ladies and gentlepeople,’ he announced, ‘please welcome your conductor, Sir Leslie Fender.’
A fat man in white tie and tails, with slicked-back hair and an enormously pompous bearing, walked out to centre stage, bowed theatrically, then stepped laboriously up on to his podium. He picked up his baton, raised it, and as if on cue. . as it probably was. . the house lights faded.
And that’s when it all got very strange. Time seemed to speed up. I was aware of something happening very close to me, of three thudding sounds, of something wet spattering on me. . then everything went black, as if the darkest night you could ever imagine had fallen in an instant.
Someone screamed. I think it was me.
