A Hero's throne

landed with a jarring thud and placed them both upright upon a tall rock that jutted along the tideline, slippery with water and sea slime.

The two giants leaned over Kieran and Fergus, so close they could see each enormous pore of their faces.

“What a truly wonderful world we live in, Nephew,” the hairy giant said. “Look at how tiny and minuscule such marvels of creation are. See their arms, their legs-” The giant lifted a massive finger and started running it up and down Kieran’s side. Kieran clung to his younger brother for stability.

“And look here,” said the giant, hooking his fingernail under Kieran’s arm, forcing him to splay it out. “Little tiny hands with fingers.”

“Kieran,” whispered Fergus. “What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know. Wait for a chance when they’re not looking, maybe.”

“How remarkable!” the younger giant said. “But how loose their skin looks.”

“Yes, but see the colours and patterns. It is how they attract their mates, you see. Nature gives them such skin to compensate for their small stature, crude behaviour, and puny strength.”

“Where do they come from, Nuncle? I’ve always believed such stories of the little people to be fantastical imaginings.”

“Yes, it has been many a hundred year since I have even heard report of one. Perhaps the barrier between their world and ours is weakening.”

“Pish, Nuncle! You do not believe in such superstitions, surely.”

“You are young, Humphreybodie, and live in a doubtful age. Even when the evidence for such wonderment is before you, yet you doubt.”

“Oh, laws, Nuncle. You nearly had me there,” the nephew said, chuckling. He punched the other giant on the arm. “But don’t they look funny. They’re standing on their hind legs, just like they was trying to be like us. I could almost imagine they were as smart as we. I might keep one of them, as a pet.”

“We’re no pets! We’re people!” Fergus yelled at the top of his lungs.

“Lor lumme, Nuncle,” said the one with the beard in a big, booming voice. “I fancy I saw that one speak.”

“Nooooo. .” said the uncle in a considered voice. “It’s a trick of the wind. I’ve seen it before. It passes over their ears, which are hollow all the way through, and-”

“We can speak!” Fergus shrilled. Kieran remained frozen, still too scared to make a sound.

“I know what I heard, Nuncle,” the nephew said, frowning. “You can’t now tell me that I didn’t hear what I heard. Doubtful age, indeed!”

Fergus looked up at his brother. Your turn, he nodded.

“Who are you?” Kieran shouted. “What are your names?”

“Don’t tell it,” the uncle snapped.

“Oho! Then you heard them too?” said the nephew.

“Don’t get too close. They’ll enchant you!”

“My name is Humphreybodie,” the bearded giant said in a slow, explanatory voice. “Humph- rey-bodie. This is my uncle.” He placed a hand on the moustached giant who didn’t really look much older than the other. “His name is Osgoddodius. Osgod-dodius. Have you got names?”

“Don’t be silly, of course they haven’t.”

“I’m Fergus, and this is my brother, Kieran.”

“I’ll be blown over,” the uncle said in a murmur like a foghorn. “What strange things to call one’s self. However do they remember such short names?”

“Where did you come from?” Kieran called. “How did you get here? What are you doing?”

“Came up through the ground, of course,” Humphreybodie said matter-of-factly. “Like respectable giants.”

“Why?” Fergus hollered. “Can’t you swim?”

“Swim?” Humphreybodie looked alarmed. “No honourable giant ever learned to swim. Not when there’s jumping to be done.”

“Jumping?” asked Kieran. “Why are you doing that?”

“Why,” Humphreybodie replied, “we’re getting ready for tonight’s practise, of course.”

“What are you practising?” yelled Fergus.

“Why, jumping, of course. Got to practise our jumping,” Humphreybodie answered with a look across to his uncle.

“Blow me over,” Osgoddodius said under his breath. “I didn’t know they could talk.” He clutched at his stomach. “I’ll never eat another one as long as I live.”

Fergus renewed his clutch on Kieran’s sleeve.

“We jump at night,” Humphreybodie continued. “It’s good for the lungs and makes the muscles work harder. We need to be in good shape for the competitions.”

Something clicked for Kieran. “Wait, is it you who’s keeping everyone awake? Jumping at night like that?”

“Sorry, pet,” Humphreybodie said, bending closer. “I didn’t catch that.”

“Did you know you’re keeping people awake?!”

“Keeping people awake? There are no people on this island-only you little creatures. There used to be, but there aren’t anymore. It’s deserted. That’s why we use it. That’s why we’re testing it.”

“Testing it for what?” Kieran hollered, his throat getting hoarse now.

“Why, for the games, of course,” said Osgoddodius.

“What games?” yelled Fergus.

“The Giant Games,” Humphreybodie said expansively, throwing his arms wide apart. “It is a meeting, a coming-together-of. My uncle and I are going to compete in jumping. But first we have to see if this place is made of the right stuff for jumping. We’ve been here each night for the last couple months, testing out every inch of it. If we like what there is, we’ll spread the word and all the giants will descend upon it and we shall compete in jumping up and falling down.”

“How many are in the competition?” Kieran asked.

“Oh, hundreds,” Osgoddodius answered.

In their mind’s eye, Kieran and Fergus saw hundreds of enormous feet falling from the sky like a shower of meteors, pounding the ground, making craters in the streets, shaking houses to the ground. Was there any way to stop them? Could they warn people? Evacuate the island, perhaps?

“Are you any good?” Fergus shouted.

Humphreybodie drew back and puffed his chest out. “Any good? I should say we are. Did you hear that, Nuncle? ‘Are we any good?’”

“Good? We’re the best. That’s why we have the job of finding the jumping grounds.”

“I don’t know, I saw you jumping just now, and it didn’t look that far. I bet you couldn’t even jump to the Calf,” Fergus said, sounding disappointed.

“‘Calf’?” Osgoddodius repeated. “What ‘Calf’?”

“The Calf is what we call that island over there,” Fergus answered, pointing out to sea, to the southwest. They had been walking from Port Erin to Cregneash, and the Calf of Man was clearly visible from where they now stood.

“That little thing? No problem.”

“I bet you can’t,” Fergus taunted.

“’Course we can,” Humphreybodie said. “A child could make that.”

“A toddler,” said Osgoddodius.

“Show us, then.”

“Right,” Humphreybodie said. He turned and stood up straight. He gazed the distance and then took two enormous steps and leapt.