talked to Matthew. He’s not good but he’s okay, I guess. He’s better than he was, which is something. I’m going to come and see him tomorrow as well. Anyway, I thought — if you wanted to — maybe you’d like to catch up with me some time. Since we’re not working together any more, maybe we could go and have coffee or something. If you want to see me. Why don’t you call? Up to you. Bye now.’
Yes, it’s up to you, Paul. If you want me or my company, you can call me. Otherwise life was too short, just as Louise had said. Grace drove back to her flat, too exhausted to think of sleeping, ferociously hungry, jangled in her mind and no good for anything except solitude.
It took Harrigan longer than usual to get to Cotswold House, the traffic had been caught in a grid caused by uprooted trees and stranded cars. Susie greeted him at the door.
‘Toby’s waiting for you,’ she said. ‘He hasn’t eaten yet. We thought you might want to eat with him. Would you like to do that?’
‘A meal would be a life-saver just now, Susie,’ he said. ‘Thanks.’
She smiled and was gone.
When Harrigan walked into Toby’s room, he was at his computer, surfing between news outlets.
‘Hi, Toby. How are you?’
‘I’ve felt better, mate. I’m glad the day is over and I’m still here to talk about it, and that just about everyone else is too,’ he replied.
He stood behind Toby, massaging his son’s shoulders, relaxing his own shoulders as he did so.
‘You’ve heard all about it, haven’t you?’
‘Yeah, I asked her to do that.’
‘Nothing very nice,’ he said, frowning a little. ‘Nothing we can do anything about just now.’
‘I don’t know, Toby. All I can tell you is there’s nothing weak about that girl. She can look after herself and I’m sure she will. I don’t know if gaol is going to be too much different to the life she was living.’
He thought she would still be in the same space, just between four walls.
‘We can try and organise something for you if that’s what you want.
You still want to do that? I can help you. I’ll do what I can.’
Harrigan smiled, more from exhaustion than anything else.
‘No, mate, it’s not,’ he replied. ‘It’s not going to prove anything and it’s not going to change anything either. But right now, it’s all that’s going to happen. Maybe she’ll change in time, that’s up to her. But she knew, Toby. She knew exactly what was going to happen today.
Maybe she’ll talk to you about it.’
‘No, that’s true, she was. And that is something she is. She doesn’t lie. Do you want to eat now? I’m famished.’
They ate in the dining room. Susie joined them, helping him to feed Toby, talking with them. They did not mention the day’s events.
Afterwards, he helped put Toby to bed, settling his son down into some physical comfort. Harrigan was too stressed to stop and rest himself. Susie offered him coffee but he refused, needing something stronger. He drove to a bar in the city, a place he went sometimes when he needed the paradox of solitude in company. Here, he drank two neat whiskies quickly. Out of force of habit, he called in to check his voice messages, to see if there was anything he needed to know about.
The barman appeared in front of him just as he hung up.
‘Another one?’ he asked.
‘No, thanks,’ Harrigan replied. ‘That’ll do me.’
Outside in the car park he rang her, but her mobile was turned off and he did not want to talk to her answering machine. He stood beside his car with his hands on his hips, thinking for some moments. ‘Why not?’ he said to himself and then drove to an all-night chemist where he bought mouthwash, something he loathed, and rinsed until he thought the taste and smell of whisky was gone. He drove to Bondi, through a city still littered with the effects of the morning’s storm, houses with broken roofs and windows, barriers fixed around holes in the roads. He parked in the street outside her block of flats. There was a light on in the unit he guessed would be hers, but when he rang the buzzer no one answered. Various thoughts — that she had other company or did not want to talk to anyone just then, least of all him
— went through his mind. He was close to turning away when a young, blonde woman arrived at the door, a keycard in hand.
‘Do you think you could let me in?’ he said, and showed her his warrant card. ‘I need to talk to one of the tenants but I can’t get an answer on the buzzer. I know they’re in there.’
‘No one’s in any trouble, are they?’
She spoke with a European accent and he guessed she was a backpacker, passing through.
‘No, this is just information.’
‘I guess it’s all right,’ she said with a slow smile and opened the door. She glanced at him when he stopped at Grace’s door.
‘Gracie’s in her music, that’s why she can’t hear you,’ she said. ‘But if you ring that buzzer, it’ll light up on her wall. You have to wait until she notices you.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, willing her gone.
‘I’m up here, if you don’t have any luck,’ she said with a grin and disappeared.
He rang the door bell, wondering how long this might take, but shortly afterwards he heard the security chain being unfastened. She opened the door to him.
‘Hi,’ she said, ‘how did you get into the building? I didn’t hear you ring.’
‘This young German girl let me in. She turned up while I was at the door.’
‘Bennie? I’ll have to talk to her. She’s not supposed to do that. Do you want to come in?’
‘Yeah.’
He stepped into a small flat where everything needed for living was on display. Several CDs and a set of headphones were lying on a small couch. He tried not to look at the wide bed with its bright coverlet under the window.
‘Do you want something to drink? I’m afraid I don’t have anything alcoholic.’
‘No, just some water will do, thanks, Grace.’
They stood awkwardly side by side in the tiny kitchen while he drank a glass of water.
‘How are you?’ he asked.
‘I’m okay, I think. I keep finding it hard to believe it really happened. I sit there and I start thinking, is this true? Then I shake my head and I think, yes, it’s true and I’m still here. How are you?’
‘Me?’ He stopped for a moment. ‘That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Telling everyone it was finished like that. I built that team up from nothing. They asked me to come back from a little country town to do just that. Now they’ve thrown it away. They didn’t even give it a second thought.’
‘Why not give it to Trev? He could have done it.’
‘Why do you think? No, it’s not even that really. No, this is them giving Marvin his little bit of blood on the way
