The Lamp of the Wicked

Ald. Joseph Albert Persham: 1894–1966.

‘If you drop in at Headquarters,’ Bliss said to Connor-Crewe, ‘we can fingerprint you, take a little DNA swab… and that should put you in the clear.’

‘You don’t frighten me in the least,’ Connor-Crewe said. ‘You’re an ambitious little bastard, but of limited intelligence.’

‘He don’t need intelligence.’ Chris Cody was leaning wearily against a pew-end, rubbing his face and then looking over his fingers at Connor-Crewe. ‘And for what it’s worth, he frightens me. You got no idea, have you, Piers? You don’t know what these animals are like, mate.’

Merrily’s hand closed around the angel. She was staring, like everyone else, at this slightly built man in an oversized overcoat, who could buy and sell all of them and the church around them. Cody shook his head like he was sick of the whole thing.

‘It’s a murder inquiry now. They lose all sense of proportion on a murder, ’specially if it’s a woman or a kid. They’ll lie, they’ll plant evidence, they’ll have you on a fucking sandwich, mate. You’re this upper-class bastard who’s been to fucking Oxford. They love nailing a nob.’

‘Chris, what on earth are you…?’ Connor-Crewe was sweating.

‘You go out there,’ Cody said, ‘you’ll find another twenty coppers lined up like bleeding dominoes. I’m telling you, soon as I knew they had the body, I’m like, you know, this is it, we been set up. We walked into it.’

Merrily exchanged glances with Frannie Bliss. The tip of an angel wing was piercing her palm and she felt almost faint. But Bliss was deadpan, entirely relaxed, as if he’d been expecting this and wondered why it had taken them so long. But he hadn’t; inside, he’d be as shaken as she was. She looked around for Huw and found him sitting on the chancel step, leaning forward with his hands in prayer position between his knees, not looking at anyone, listening.

Bliss said, ‘Who killed Melanie, Mr Cody?’

Cody looked at Piers Connor-Crewe and shrugged.

‘Lynsey, of course,’ he said. ‘Oh yeah – and Fred West.’

Moira Cairns drove quite slowly out of Hereford, her face lightly tanned by the dashlight. Hands low down on the wheel, relaxed. Like they had been all night. Like she was totally unaware of the tension in Jane.

‘He was awfully good.’

‘Yes.’

‘Like, I was scared out ma mind when he first went out there but, Jesus, once he was into it, it was like this was the second week of his long-awaited world tour. And I guess the reason for that was he had something bigger on his mind.’

‘Mmm.’

A long pause as Cairns let this huge lorry come growling past. For Christ’s sake.

‘And you’re thinking Lol and I are making out, yeah?’

‘Sorry?’

‘Well, I’m sorry, too, if that’s way off,’ Cairns said, ‘but I couldnae think of a better reason for you behaving the whole time like a wee pain in the arse, you know?’

‘It’s the way I am,’ Jane said. ‘I am a pain in the arse.’ And then, as Cairns slowed right down for the Whitecross roundabout, she said, ‘Are you?’

‘Er… no. We’re not.’

‘Oh.’

‘Where’s Eirion, Jane?’

‘Dumped me.’

‘For being a pain in the arse?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Uh huh.’ Moira Cairns drove in silence for maybe half a mile. The road was quiet, too. Then she said, ‘But when life’s such a bitch, and the world’s this big kidney stone floating in a universe of liquid manure, where’s the point in not being a pain in the arse?’

Jane turned her head and looked directly at Cairns. Neither of them was smiling.

Jane moistened her lips. ‘Have you been speaking to Eirion?’

‘Not since the night the both of you were there, at Prof’s. And Eirion was doing most of the talking then. Why?’

‘Just… wondered.’

They hit the countryside, and she turned away to look out at the empty fields opening up on the left, all the way to the Black Mountains.

‘Tell me something, Jane. Does it make it worse when your mother’s a priest of God?’

How do you mean?’

‘Well, she’s up in the pulpit, telling a dwindling audience about the Kingdom of Heaven, and you’re thinking, what’s this shite?’

‘I wouldn’t say that to her.’

‘Or at least no more than twice a week.’

‘That’s not exactly—’

‘But, hell, if it’s what you think… ?’

Jane said, anguished, ‘It’s not what I used to think.’

‘But in those days you’d had no real experience of life, right?’

Jane slumped. It was like all her thoughts and fears had been laid out in this smorgasbord situation, and the Cairns woman was collecting a slice of this, a segment of that on a plate, and poking them with her fork, but not actually eating anything.

‘Next right,’ she said. And as they made the turn, at the sign pointing to Weobley, she rallied, hit back with the big one. ‘Do you believe in God?’

They must have driven for nearly a mile before the reply came. They were passing through a wooded stretch, no visible sky, the headlights on full.

‘Doesnae mean I have to like the bastard.’

‘What?’

‘God – whatever he/she is – if it thinks you can take it, it’s likely to give you a hard time. You want a nice life, the best way is to turn up for the weddings and funerals and don’t even think about any of it the rest of the time.’

‘But that—’

‘Or, of course, the other way is, whenever some shit comes at you, you say, Ah, well, it’s the Will of God. That works. That saves a lot of heartache.’

‘So your philosophy is what?’

‘You just heard it.’

‘I don’t think I believe you.’

‘But once in a while I forget, and I stick my head out the trench, then slam… two black eyes, chipped teeth, nosebleed.’

‘And when people say you’re psychic… ?’

‘Aw now, Jane, you know what a pile of crap that is.’

Jane said, ‘Can’t you go any faster?’

‘Probably. Would there be a good reason to?’

‘I don’t know,’ Jane said.

‘You could try telling me.’

Chris Cody looked over at Connor-Crewe. ‘There’s no point now, mate.’ He folded his arms, his back braced against the pew- end, and addressed Bliss. ‘One night, Piers asked me round, and there was four of us, Piers and me and Lynsey and this woman who worked for Piers down the shop, and – after some stuff – Lynsey says, “What would you like most in the world? Apart from this?” And she pulls up her… Anyway,