Holmes nodded. “Old Wheelwright did not like the smell of Mr. Steerford’s enterprise. One shrewd devil no doubt recognizing another of his kind. Using an alias, I shall let Mr. Steerford know I have a substantial sum of money to invest and try to set up a meeting with him. However, this afternoon I shall visit Miss Ladell. Do you wish to accompany me?”
“I have no firm plans for the afternoon, and I too am curious.”
“Excellent!” Holmes slipped out of his frock coat. “We must dress for the occasion.”
“You are certain Mr. Wheelwright...?”
“We shall, of course, pay our visit in disguise. If you would care to join me in the bedroom.”
“What disguise?”
“Our role will be one which I particularly enjoy and which has served me well in the past. We shall be plumbers.”
“I know absolutely nothing about plumbing.”
“An unfortunate gap in your education, Henry. We will cast you as my ignorant assistant.”
To my way of thinking, Sherlock carries his desire for authenticity in his disguises too far. He produced soiled and foul-smelling clothing, which any true plumber would have been proud to wear. The touch of it made my flesh crawl, but I reassured myself with the thought of a hot bath when our charade was finished. Besides the dirty clothing, Holmes put on a red-haired wig and applied an enormous red mustache to his upper lip. He ruffled up my hair, then gave me a beard, which matched the color of my mustache. After adding a mole to his cheek, he blacked out a few of our teeth, then smeared some grimy black concoction on our hands and faces. When he was finished, we both resembled mangy sewer rats.
He strapped on a leather belt with wrenches dangling and handed me a wooden toolbox. On the way out, he tipped his worn bowler with a tear in the brim to Mrs. Hudson. “Guh’day, ma’am.”
“Good afternoon, Mr. Holmes.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “You both look absolutely dreadful.”
Holmes laughed. “Excellent, Mrs. Hudson. I shall be home in time for supper.”
We had some difficulty hailing a cab, as the drivers were wary of us. But Holmes finally flagged one down and paid in advance. When he mentioned the street to the driver, I said, “A modest, respectable neighborhood. How did you discover the woman’s name and address?”
“I had a cabby whom I frequently employ wait outside Wheelwright’s offices in the early afternoon. Mr. Wheelwright is impossible to miss. On the second day at his post, my cabby was hired to drive him to the address we are visiting. Once I had the address, I sent one of the Irregulars over to get the name.”
“It is odd to think that... such a woman should be installed in her own house in that neighborhood.”
Holmes’ smile was harsh. “Come, Henry. You are too severe. She has reached the summit of her profession. She bears no more resemblance to the toothless, diseased prostitute who spends the night on the street than an itinerant patent medicine peddler does to the royal surgeon on Harley Street. Mr. Wheelwright, whatever his other faults, is not a stingy man. Miss Ladell may not be respectable, but she leads a comfortable life which would be the envy of most of the women of London.”
“It is disgusting!” I exclaimed. “When I think of the poor women who come to the clinic struggling to get by on a few shillings a week, their families crammed into a single filthy room, half of them married to drunkards or ruffians... They must suffer abuse and see their children half starved and sick. What is the sense of it all?”
Even under the red wig and mustache Holmes looked grim. “I do not know, Henry.”
“That some vile woman...”
“First you were willing to make her the arch-conspirator, and now you portray her as the Whore of Babylon. She may be quite... respectable, in her own way.”
“You are joking!”
“Not at all. Mr. Wheelwright does not strike me as a furtive sensualist. I expect he has found a woman better matched to his plodding intellect and leaden soul. You might also recall the frequently quoted—but rarely followed —exhortation: ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.’ We shall shortly be meeting Miss Ladell, and I shall reserve judgment until then.”
Holmes had the driver let us out a street away from the house; plumbers must not be seen arriving in a cab. The afternoon was cold and wet, the yellow fog dirty and heavy with the odor of coal smoke. Our coats were none too warm, and the toolbox was so heavy I had to keep switching it from hand to hand.
Irritated, I said, “What on earth is in this box?”
“More wrenches, cast-iron pipe, and a first-class snake.”
“A
“A plumber’s snake, a device of coiled metal used to unplug drains. Henry, I shall do most of the talking. Remember to appear somewhat stupid.”
The house was not large, but appeared pleasant, reminding me of a country cottage. Built of sturdy red brick, smoke billowed from its chimney. The rose bushes had been cut back for winter, and the hedge along the side was neatly trimmed. Holmes and I went to the door around back, and he knocked.
An elderly woman opened the door. She had on a plain black coat and hat and was obviously about to leave. Her eyes took in our filthy apparel and soiled faces, and her nose wrinkled in distaste. “Yes?”
Holmes tipped his ragged bowler. “Afternoon, ma’am. ’Eard you’ve ’ad some problems with the water closet. Yer landlord sent me and me mate ’ere to ’ave a look.”
The maid still seemed unsure about us. “I was just going out for the afternoon, but the mistress will be here if...”
“Oh, we won’t be no trouble, ma’am. Quiet as mouses, we’ll be.”
“Perhaps if you could come back next week?”
Holmes scowled horribly and shook his head. “No, ma’am, I can’t recommends it. You’d be takin’ a terrible chance, you would. Once a water closet is plugged up, they’ll flood on you fer sure, and then yer done fer! The smell is powerful bad, and the dirty water and stinkin’ muck soaks into yer fine oak floors and carpets. It’s an ’orrible fate, one I wouldn’t wish on me worst enemy. Best let us ’ave a look.”
The maid had grown pale. “I shall ask the mistress.” Her nose wrinkled again. “I guess you can wait inside.”
Holmes held his hat before him, the brim clutched in his filthy hands. “Most kind of you, ma’am. Bitter cold and damp ’tis.” He smiled; his blackened teeth truly appeared to be missing.
We stepped into the kitchen, which was gloriously warm and smelled like fresh bread. Two loaves sat on the table near the big black iron stove. I glanced at Holmes and repressed a shudder. “You do look terrible.”
He smiled. “So do you. Most plumbers are cleaner than we are, but all this filth distracts from the rest of our appearance.”
The maid soon returned with the mistress of the house. I was surprised. Holmes had been correct: I was expecting the Whore of Babylon—some voluptuous, painted creature in scanty garments. Miss Ladell resembled an ordinary woman of a respectable class, the wife of a well-to-do shopkeeper, banker, or merchant. She wore a plain blue muslin dress, and her blonde hair was braided and wound up at the back. She was pretty enough—fair skin tending toward rosiness; blue eyes and a small turned-up nose; a tiny mouth—but nowhere near so stunningly beautiful as Violet. Although not corpulent, her looks tended toward plumpness, her corseted waist rather thick. Her neck was short, full, and round; her jaw not well defined; her chin afloat on her fleshy white throat. She gave us a polite smile.
“So you wish to examine the water closet?”
“Yes, ma’am. Yer landlord thought we’d best ’ave a look. As I told yer good woman ’ere, what we want at all cost is to avoid a flood. I’ve seen deluges which would’ve frightened old Noah himself.”
Miss Ladell laughed at this witticism. “We surely do. Your coming seems providential. I have had some difficulties but I hadn’t said anything to Doh—to the landlord.”
“Someone shorly did, ma’am.”
“Well, do come have a look. I do not want to suffer this deluge of yours.”
“Wise, ma’am—very wise.”
The maid’s brow was still wrinkled. “I can remain here until they are finished if...”
“No, no, Philomena—you must have your afternoon off. Baby Gerald will be waiting for you. These men, I am sure, know their profession and can be trusted.”
“Thank you, madam.” She smiled at her mistress, then regarded us suspiciously. “Mind you clean up after
