Myth-Gotten Gains

'Name's Aahz,' I said. 'Your granddaughter sent me.'

The aged eyes popped wide open.

'Calypsa! Where is she?'

'Upstairs,' I said. 'She's doing something called the Dance of Death.'

The old man sprang up. He fluttered his arms.

'What? That is most serious! If she has begun that, either she or her foe must die before the dance is finished. We must go to her aid!'

'Hold it,' I said. 'First, Where's the ring you've been earning around?'

He put a hand on his thin middle.

'I swallowed it,' he said. 'That terrible Barrik must never possess the treasure of the Calypsos!'

'Ah!' Kelsa said. 'That would explain the noises I was hearing. It's not good for you to have that much heavy metal in your diet, dear.'

'Can we get it out of him?'

'Asti can prepare an emetic,' Kelsa said.

Suddenly, a multicolored glitter joined the golden light. A brilliant cluster of jewels bobbed at face level. It was the ring in Kelsa's vision. My heart beat hard with avarice, even as I acknowledged the thing was a product of the Totally-Over-TheTopSchool-ofDesign. A small face like that of an annoyed leprechaun appeared in the top gem, a diamond as big as my eyeball.

'Bozebos does not need help getting out of tight places,' the Ring said.

'It can talk!' Calypso said. 'A treasure of the Calypsos, talking!'

'What is so unusual about that?' Kelsa asked. 'There are thousands of magikal rings in the universe. Most of them talk.'

'Kelsa? Is that you?' the Ring asked, turning its little face to her. 'What are you doing here?'

'We're all here, dear.'

'That appalling din—is that Buirnie?'

Kelsa's face appeared in the gleaming sphere. She beamed at him. 'Yes! Sometimes it's been a trial having him around constantly for the last several days, but I have to say that it has been MOST interesting, you know. I haven't seen any of you in, my goodness, centuries! That is, in person. I've seen all of you in my visions, of course...'

'But why now?'

'We had to, dear. It was necessary to get together to save the life of this Walt here.'

The hovering Ring seemed to shake with fury. 'You should all leave at once! This is MY dimension! I am the One Ring.'

The elderly Walt stared in amazement.

'I thought it was costume jewelry. Why did it not speak before?'

'Your family is so talented you never needed my help,' Bozebos said. 'But you were nice to live with for a while. I will have to move on soon. Others need me.' He looked at Kelsa distastefully. 'I would not stay in any case if the rest of the Hoard is here. It already- feels too crowded.'

'My goodness, don't be such a prima donna!' Kelsa said. 'Oh, speaking of such things, you should have seen the pirouette Calypsa just did! She rose about eight feet in the air, and came down with her sword almost at Barrik's throat! It made him mad, I must say. He's not nearly as good with a sword as she is, and she has only been taking lessons for a few...'

'Why can you not stop talking trivia?' Bozebos said. 'It is enough that you are here, ruining my privacy.'

'Hey!' I bellowed. I captured the Ring in one hand and glared at it 'Calypsa needs us pronto! Let's go.'

Chapter 24

FOLLOWING KELSA'S INSTRUCTIONS, I led Calypso to a different set of steep stone stairs. He looked at the spiral leading up well past the beam of the Crystal Ball's light and swallowed deeply, but he gamely started climbing. Within a few steps I could tell he wasn't going to make it.

'Wait a minute,' I said. I addressed the Ring. 'You're such a big-time magik item. Help him up the stairs.'

The little face turned up its retrousse nose haughtily. 'I can do better than that, Pervert!'

Before I could finish saying, 'That's Per-VECT,' a blue light blinded me. When it cleared, I found myself in an immense chamber with a soaring frescoed ceiling, facing a set of double doors. The blatting sound of a kazoo was faint in the distance, but Buirnie's magik was potent enough that Barrik's employees, courtiers, servers, drudges, were jumping, twisting and swaying to the piped tune. The guards that should have been facing us to defend the doors were arm in arm, doing a grapevine step up and back.

'Halt!' the guard on the end demanded, as he did a fancy step-kick-dip-step. 'Who goes there?'

'Forget about them,' Tananda said, coming from behind a pillar. 'They can't stop moving long enough to lay a hand on you.'

'Why aren't you in there looking after Calypsa?'

'I can't get inside,' she said. 'I told you this place was proof against thieves.'

I tugged on the door handle, an iron ring the size of my head. 'Nothing.'

'It will be an effort, but I can blast it,' Bozebos said. 'Stand back.'

'The interesting thing, you know,' Kelsa said, 'is that everyone always enchants the doors, but no one ever bothers with the keyholes.'

'Hah!' the Ring exclaimed. He lanced a crimson beam toward the oblong hole. 'You are right! Together, now.'

Gold and glitter focused in one beam. The hole got larger and larger until I barely had to duck to get through it.

Inside, the Dile henchmen stood in rows, all gazing at something happening beyond them.

'They're not dancing.' I said. 'How's he doing that?'

'Barrik is a powerful magician, dear,' Kelsa said. 'The child really has bitten off more than she can chew, not that Walts really bite or chew, so to speak...'

'What my babbling associate means, is that Barrik controls all that goes on within that chamber,' Bozebos said. 'It will take more than one of us to defeat him utterly.'

'It's a good thing there's more than one of you, then,' I said.

'Hurry!' Calypso said. 'My granddaughter needs me!' The guards who should have challenged us had their attention on something going on in the center. We pushed our way through the crowd to see.

In the center of a wide circle left by the henchmen, Calypsa and the reptilian-looking Barrik circled one another. He, in his cape and little feathered hat, bobbed low. She, in her tightly-laced dancing shoes, circled him, her arms held high. It looked like some kind of wild National Geographic mating ritual. The only difference between this and a pasa doble was the huge sword Calypsa was wielding. The Dile wizard made a point of keeping out of her range. On the floor was a heap of gold, the discarded fake treasures, with Chin-Hwag on the top. Once in a while, she spat a coin into the air. With all eyes on the duel, the gold clanked to the floor unnoticed.

At one side of the room, Tananda leaned against a pillar.

'You must be Calypso,' she said, taking him warmly by one wing. 'Glad to see you're out of there. I'm Tananda.'

'Why are you not doing anything to help my granddaughter?' Calypso demanded.

'She doesn't need me,' Tananda said. 'She's doing fine. Watch.'

The young Walt female stepped grandly around the green-scaled Dile. He seemed to be the one who was at a disadvantage. He must not be used to threats from a teenaged dancer, and it was throwing him off. Instead of taking action, he was responding. Calypsa tossed her free hand, stamped her feet and whirled. Ersatz's blued steel whistled as it cut the air.

'Granddaughter, stop!' Calypso shouted. 'You should not be doing the Dance of Death! Your whole life is