James said, “I say thank God for the passage of time. It blurs things, and you begin to realize how very lucky we all are, how very blessed. We all survived. We’re here drinking brandy now, aren’t we?”
“But I was to blame, I-”
Douglas said, “Tomorrow I will ride to Lyon ’s Gate and inform Hallie she isn’t to treat you so badly again, that she is to comfort you, help you endure your lifelong misery. She is to stop being coldhearted.”
Jason said, “It’s not that she’s coldhearted. It’s that what happened-it’s so damned deep inside me that I’ll never be free of it. I accept that. She must accept it too, she must.”
“I will set her straight,” Douglas said. “Trust me, Jason.”
“No, please, Father, don’t say anything to her. I must go now, I’ve kept you too long as it is.”
“One more thing, Jason,” his father said. Jason slowly turned. “Never forget that I love you, that I’ve loved you since you were in your mother’s womb and I splayed my palm over her belly and felt the two of you trying to kick off my hand. When you came yelling your head off into the world, I believed there could be nothing sweeter in life. However, truth be told, at this moment, Jason, I’d like to kick you across the room.”
Jason nearly fell over. “I don’t understand.”
“You don’t?” James shook his head at his brother. “You said you left Lyon ’s Gate because Hallie was making fun of you. Do you mean she can’t understand why, after five years, you’re still wanting to drown yourself in guilt?”
“The way you’re saying it doesn’t sound reasonable, James. Surely you must understand that-” He fell silent because he couldn’t find the words to say.
“Yes, we do understand,” his father said. “I think that after what happened five years ago, you desperately wanted to free all of us from your pain. You saw leaving England to be the answer. You thought we’d forget you, perhaps? That when we spoke of your triumphs in Baltimore, we’d not also remember you lying in bed with the physician digging that bloody bullet out of your shoulder, not remember that you nearly died? You are a blockhead, Jason.”
“But I was the one who-”
Douglas said, “It has always amazed me how you so eagerly gave yourself all the credit for bringing about that particular tragedy. You were nothing more than a young man who held honor dear, who loved his family, who faced evil and didn’t recognize it. And why should you? None of us had ever before been thrown into evil such as those three offered up. You ran away, Jason. I wish you had not, it nearly broke your brother, leaving him to deal with a new wife who’d had to kill two people, and every day face a mother and a father who would gladly have given their own lives for yours.
“And you survived, Jason. I believe you’ve survived fairly well. And now you have a wife who, if I’m not mistaken, would also give her life for you. Go home, Jason. Go face yourself, and the past, and think about your present and future. Both look remarkably fine to me. Oh yes, I got a letter from James Wyndham. He and his family will be here in three weeks and they’re bringing you a thoroughbred you trained yourself for a wedding present.”
“Which one?”
“I believe James Wyndham said his name is Eclipse, after our own very famous Eclipse.”
Jason said absently, “Eclipse never lost a race. He was amazing. Stubbs painted him.”
“Yes,” Douglas said. “All right. James Wyndham said his little girl Alice named him.”
“Yes,” Jason said, “yes, she did.” He walked to his brother and hugged him tightly. Then he stood a moment, looking at his father from a distance of six feet. He felt tears rise in his throat. “Papa, I-”
“Uncle Jason!”
“Uncle Jason!”
Two small boys, their white nightshirts flapping around their ankles, burst into the room, arms raised.
Jason stared down at the two beloved little boys. Life always moved on. Even as he gathered up both of them tightly against him, the tears dried in his eyes and in his heart. “What are you two devils doing awake this late?”
Everett gave him a wet kiss on the neck. Douglas was squeezing his neck so hard he nearly broke it. “We heard Mama arguing with herself.”
Jason nodded. “That would arouse my curiosity as well. Ah, Mother, you’re awake too?”
Alex came over to peel one of the boys off Jason’s shoulder. “I’m here to rescue you. No, Everett, no waltzing tonight. It’s time for the two of you to get back into bed.”
After no more than two minutes of whining, at which point James said, “That is enough. You will both be silent. Kiss your uncle good night. You will see him again soon. I will come up in a moment and tuck you in.”
Douglas shook his head at his wife. “I believe I said the same thing to him and Jason.”
“Very probably. Innumerable times. Are you all right, Jason?”
Jason hugged his mother, stepped back. “Don’t worry about me, Mama. I’m off.” He paused a moment, then said, “I missed all you so very much when I was in Baltimore, please never doubt that.”
James said as they listened to Jason’s boot steps receding on the tile floor, “I am going to give Hallie anything she wants.”
His father smiled.
CHAPTER 40
At the breakfast table the following morning, Hallie said brightly, “It’s been nearly a week since the Beckshire race. What are we going to do about Lord Grimsby?”
Jason said as he smeared honey on his toast, “Those are the first words out of your mouth since I slammed out of the house last night and left you alone with Petrie and Martha.”
“I saw you ride back and knew you were all right.”
Of course she would wait up for him. “I slept in Angela’s room.”
“Yes, I know. I hope you slept well?”
“Not very, but it doesn’t matter.” He became suddenly very stiff and formal. “I wish to apologize for my melodrama last night, Hallie.”
“Yours wasn’t the melodrama.” Even when he raised his eyebrow in question, she simply shook her head, said nothing more.
“I see, you’re going to be mysterious about this. I was hopeful that yesterday would be the day I’d be off to see Lord Grimsby, but it wasn’t. I am hopeful, however, about today.” He pulled out the watch from his vest pocket and consulted it.
“Now you’re being mysterious.”
“Yes, I am, aren’t I? Well, we’ll see. I would imagine he’s wondering why the devil I’m waiting this long, particularly since he knows we have Kindred.”
Hallie said, “Perhaps he thinks you’ve forgotten about it since it seems to be the done thing. When will you be ready? What does your seeing him depend upon?”
He only smiled at her.
“Very well, be a closemouthed trout-brain, as Martha would say.”
“As mysterious as my wife.”
“That’s different, but no matter. Now, I have a wonderful surprise for you, Jason,” and she beamed at him.
An eyebrow went straight up. “You’re pregnant?”
She dropped her slice of toast. “Oh dear, I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“You haven’t had your woman’s monthly flow since we’ve been married.”
“Oh blessed hell, is that true? But I’m not always-Jason, that is very private. I don’t wish to speak of it.”
“I’m your husband. You’re to speak to me about everything.”
“No, surely not.”
“My father always said it’s very important for a wife to tell her husband everything. Tell me your surprise.”
