‘It’s something to know it, at least.’
‘If my brother wanted to talk about it, he would make it into a story that was unforgettable. All I can do is describe it.’
‘And describing it is something, at least.’
‘Yes, it is something, but not much.’
‘Do you envy your brother, then?’
‘I admire him, I love him, I long for his approval. But he cares little for his family; he’s often said so. If I vanished he wouldn’t notice, if I died he wouldn’t care. I think of him all the time, and he thinks of me not at all. I love him, and my love torments me. There are times when I feel like a ghost beside him; as if he alone is real, and I’m just a daydream. But envy him? Do I begrudge him the love and the admiration that so many give him so freely? No. I truly believe that he deserves it all, and more. I want to serve him… No, I believe that I am serving him, in ways he will never know about.’
‘Was it like that when you were young?’
‘He would get into trouble, and I would get him out of it, or plead for him, or distract the grown-ups’ attention by a clever trick or a winning remark. He was never grateful; he took it for granted that I would rescue him. And I didn’t mind. I was happy to serve him. I am happy to serve him.’
‘If you were more like him, you could not serve him so well.’
‘I could serve others better.’
Then the woman said, ‘Sir, am I a sinner?’
‘Yes. But my brother would say your sins are forgiven.’
‘Do you say that?’
‘I believe it to be true.’
‘Then, sir, would you do something for me?’
And the woman opened her robe and showed him her breast. It was ravaged with an ulcerating cancer.
‘If you believe my sins are forgiven,’ she said, ‘please heal me.’
Christ turned his head away, and then looked back at her and said, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’
‘Must I believe that too?’
‘Yes. I must believe it, and you must believe it.’
‘Tell me again.’
‘Your sins are forgiven. Truly.’
‘How will I know?’
‘You must have faith.’
‘If I have faith, will I be healed?’
‘Yes.’
‘I will have faith, if you do, sir.’
‘I do.’
‘Tell me once more.’
‘I have said it… Very well: your sins are forgiven.’
‘And yet I’m not healed,’ she said.
She closed her robe.
Christ said, ‘And I am not my brother. Didn’t I tell you that? Why did you ask me to heal you, if you knew I was not Jesus? Did I ever claim to be able to heal you? I said to you “Your sins are forgiven.” If you don’t have sufficient faith after you’ve heard that, the fault is yours.’
The woman turned away and faced the wall, and drew her robe over her head.
Christ left her house. He was ashamed, and he went out of the town and climbed to a quiet place among the rocks, and prayed that his own sins might be forgiven. He wept a little. He was afraid the angel might come to him, and he hid all night.
The Wise and Foolish Girls
Now the time of the Passover was getting close, and this prompted the people who listened to Jesus to ask about the Kingdom again: when will it come? How will we know it? What should we do to be ready for it?
‘It’ll be like this,’ he told them. ‘There was a wedding, and ten girls took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom and welcome him to the banquet. Now five of them took their lamps and nothing else, no spare oil, but the other five were a bit cleverer than that, and they brought some flasks of oil with them.
‘Well, the bridegroom was delayed, and time went past, and all of the girls began to feel drowsy and closed their eyes.
‘Then at midnight there was a cry: “He’s coming! The bridegroom is here!”
‘The girls woke up at once and started trimming their lamps. You can see what happened next: the foolish ones discovered that their oil had run out.
‘“Give us some of your oil!” they said to the others. “Look, our lamps are going out!”
‘And two of the far-seeing ones shared their oil with two of the foolish ones, and all four were admitted to the banquet. Two of the clever ones refused, and the bridegroom shut them out, together with two more foolish ones.
‘But the last wise girl said, “Lord, we have come to celebrate your wedding, even the least of us. If you won’t let us all in, I would rather stay outside with my sisters, even when the last of my oil is gone.”
‘And for her sake the bridegroom opened the doors of the banquet and admitted them all. Now, where was the Kingdom of heaven? Inside the bridegroom’s house? Is that what you think? No, it was outside in the dark with the wise girl and her sisters, even when the last of her oil was gone.’
Christ wrote down every word, but he resolved to improve the story later.
The Stranger Talks of Abraham and Issac
Next time the angel came, Christ was in Jericho. He was following Jesus and his disciples as they made their way to Jerusalem for the Passover. Jesus was staying in the house of one of his followers, but Christ had taken a room in a tavern not far away. At midnight he went outside to use the privy. When he turned to go back inside he felt a hand on his shoulder, and knew at once that it was the stranger.
‘Events are moving quickly now,’ the stranger said. ‘We must talk about something important. Take me to your room.’
Once inside, Christ lit the lamp and gathered up the scrolls he had filled.
‘Sir, what do you do with these scrolls?’ he said.
‘I take them to a place of great safety.’
‘Will I be able to see them again? I may need to edit and correct the entries, in the light of what I have since learned about truth and history.’
‘There will be an opportunity for that, never fear. Now tell me about your brother. What is his mood as he gets closer to Jerusalem?’
‘He seems serene and confident, sir. I wouldn’t say that has changed at all.’
‘Does he speak of what he expects to happen there?’
‘Only that the Kingdom will come very soon. Perhaps it will come when he is in the temple.’
‘And the disciples? How is your informant? Is he still close to Jesus?’
‘I would say he is in the very best position. He is not the closest or the most favoured – Peter and James and John are the men Jesus speaks to most confidentially – but my informant is securely among the middle-ranking followers. His reports are full and trustworthy. I have checked them.’
‘We must think about rewarding him at some stage. But now I want to talk to you about something difficult.’
