Tehol Beddict was on his knees on the dirt floor of the hovel, rummaging through a small heap of debris, when he heard a scuffling sound at the doorway. He glanced over a shoulder. ‘Ublala Pung, good evening, my friend.’
The huge half-blood Tarthenal edged into the chamber, hunching beneath the low ceiling. ‘What are you doing?’
‘A wooden spoon-or at least the fragment thereof. Employed in a central role in the preparation of this morning’s meal. I dread the possibility that Bugg tossed it into the hearth. Ah! Here, see that? A curdle of fat remains on it!’
‘Looks like dirt to me, Tehol Beddict.’
‘Well, even dirt has flavour,’ he replied, crawling over to the pot simmering on the hearth. ‘Finally, my soup acquires subtle sumptuousness. Can you believe this, Ublala Pung? Look at me, reduced to menial chores, even unto preparing my own meals! I tell you, my manservant’s head has grown too large by far. He rises above his station, does Bugg. Perhaps you could box him about the ears for me. Now, I am not as indifferent as you think-there is the glow of heightened excitement in your rather blunt, dogged features. What has happened? Has Shurq Elalle returned, then?’
‘Would I be here if she had?’ Ublala asked. ‘No, Tehol Beddict. She is gone. Out to the seas, with all her pirated young men. I was too big, you see. I had to sleep on the deck, no matter the weather, and that was no fun-and those pirates, they kept wanting to tie sails to me, laughing as if that was funny or something.’
Ah well, sailors have simple minds, friend. And pirates are failed sailors, mostly, taking simpledom to profound extremes-’
‘What? I have news, you know.’
‘Do you now?’
‘I do.’
‘Can I hear it?’
‘Do you want to?’
‘Why yes, else I would not have asked.’
‘Really want to?’
‘Look, if you’re not interested in telling me-’
‘No, I’m interested. In telling you. That is why I’m here, although I will have some of that soup if you’re offering.’
‘Ublala Pung, you are most welcome to this soup, but first let me fish out this rag I fed into the broth, lest you choke or something.’
‘Rag? What kind of rag?’
‘Well, squarish, mostly. I believe it was used to wipe down a kitchen counter, thereby absorbing countless assorted foodstuffs.’
‘Tehol Beddict, one of the pure blood has come to the city.’
‘Is that your news?’
The huge man nodded solemnly.
‘Pure blood?’
Another nod.
‘So, a Tarthenal-’
‘No,’ Ublala Pung cut in. ‘Pure blood. Purer than any Tarthenal. And he carries a stone sword. On his face are the most terrifying tattoos, like a shattered tile. He is greatly scarred and countless ghosts swirl in his wake-’
‘Ghosts? You could see ghosts following him around?’
‘See them? Of course not. But I smelled them.’
‘Really? So what do ghosts smell like? Never mind. A Tarthenal who’s more Tarthenal than any Tarthenal has arrived in the city. What does he want?’
‘You do not understand, Tehol Beddict. He is a champion. He is here to challenge the Emperor.’
‘Oh, the poor man.’
‘Yes. The poor man, but he’s not a man, is he? He’s a Tiste Edur.’
Tehol Beddict frowned across at Ublala Pung. ‘Ah, we were speaking of two different poor men. Well, a short time earlier a runner from Rucket visited-it seems Scale House collapsed during that earthquake. But it was not your normal earthquake, such as never occurs around here anyway. Ublala Pung, there is another champion, one far more frightening than any pure blood Tarthenal. There is great consternation among the Rat Catchers, all of whom seem to know more than they’re letting on. The view seems to be that this time the Emperor’s search has drawn in a most deadly haul.’
‘Well, I don’t know nothing about that,’ Ublala Pung said, rubbing thoughtfully at the bristle on his chin. ‘Only, this pure blood has a stone sword. Chipped, like those old spear-points people are selling in the Downs Market. It’s almost as tall as he is, and he’s taller than me. I saw him pick up a Letherii guard and throw him away.’
‘Throw him away?’
‘Like a small sack of… of mushrooms or something.’
‘So his temper is even worse than yours, then.’
‘Pure bloods know no fear.’
‘Right. So how is it you know about pure bloods?’
‘The Sereghal. Our gods, the ones I helped to kill, they were fallen pure bloods. Cast out.’
‘So the one who has just arrived, he’s the equivalent of one of your gods, Ublala Pung? Please, don’t tell me you’re planning on trying to kill him. I mean, he has a stone sword and all’
‘Kill him? No, you don’t understand, Tehol Beddict. This one, this pure blood, he is worthy of true worship. Not the way we appeased the Sereghal-that was to keep them away. Wait and see, wait and see what is going to happen. My kin will gather, once the word spreads. They will gather.’
‘What if the Emperor kills him?’
Ublala Pung simply shook his head.
They both looked over as Bugg appeared in the doorway, in his arms the body of a naked woman.
‘Now really,’ Tehol said, ‘the pot’s not nearly big enough. Besides, hungry as I am, there are limits and eating academics far exceeds them-’
The manservant frowned. ‘You recognize this woman?’
‘I do, from my former life, replete as it was with stern tutors and the occasional subjects of youthful crushes and the like. Alas, she looks much worse for wear. I had always heard that the world of scholars was cut-throat- what debate on nuances resulted in this, I wonder?’
Bugg carried her over and set her down on his own sleeping pallet.
As the manservant stepped back, Ublala Pung stepped close and struck Bugg in the side of the head, hard enough to send the old man reeling against a wall.
‘Wait!’ Tehol shouted to the giant. ‘No more!’
Rubbing at his temple, Bugg blinked up at Ublala Pung. ‘What was that all about?’ he demanded.
‘Tehol said-’
‘Never mind what I said, Ublala. It was but a passing thought, a musing devoid of substance, a careless utterance disconnected in every way from physical action. Never intended-’
‘You said he needed boxing about the head, Tehol Beddict. You asked me-because it’d got bigger or something, so I needed to puncture it so it’d get smaller again. It didn’t look any bigger to me. But that’s what you said. He was above his situation, you said-’
‘Station, not situation. My point is-both of you-stop looking at me like that. My point was, I was but voicing a few minor complaints of a domestic nature here. Not once suspecting that Ublala Pung would take me so literally.’
‘Master, he is Ublala Pung.’
‘I know, I know. Clearly, all the once-finely honed edges of my intellect have worn off of late.’ Then his expression brightened. ‘But now I have a tutor!’
A victim of the Patriotists,’ Bugg said, eyeing Ublala askance as he made his way over to the pot on the hearth. Abyss below, Master, this barely passes as muddy water.’
Aye, alas, in dire need of your culinary magic. The Patriotists? You broke her out of prison?’
